Hello I am just hoping for some advice please if anyone can offer any as I don’t really know where to turn. My close relative has recently been diagnosed with a glioblastoma on her frontal lobe. I have paused my entire life to try to care for her I haven’t been to work in over six weeks, I transport her to and attend all her hospital appointments with her. I know she is really struggling to accept this diagnosis and it’s breaking my heart to watch her going through this devastating illness. She has had a drastic change in personality and becomes aggressive and angry towards me verbally lashing out saying very cruel things such as she wishes I would be the one who had this illness and she can’t wait till I do. She guilt trips me and if I seem to be doing anything else but caring for her she becomes angry and suggests I don’t love her because I’m getting on with my life, when this isn’t the case at all. My husband and children hardly get to spend any time with me anymore and when they do I’m in a constant state of worry. I am not sure how much more of this I can take as my cousin will not accept support even tho this is being offered from any other family members or friends, is this likely to change and wlll the changes in personality settle, I feel like it’s all becoming too much to handle and I am at risk of becoming burned out. I have liaised with the CNS who is trying to be supportive however due to back logs with the psychological services is unable to support further, the GP has prescribed a anti anxiety medication however this does not seem to be helping any advice on how to manage this would be greatly appreciated. I love my cousin very very much and I understand she may not be able to control her mood changes I am just unsure of the best way to support her I offer her reassurance and love but she seems unable to accept this, prior to this diagnosis she was so gentle and caring and we are very close I guess I am just having some difficulty adjusting to our new normal.
Hi Ntomo1976
a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about your cousin's diagnosis. My husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma in Sept 2020 so I can empathise with you here.
These tumours seem to affect people differently but they are a cruel diagnosis for all involved. I'm not medically trained but have had it explained to me that the tumour can cause personality changes because of where it is in the brain and the associated pressure changes. Some of the medications including steroids can also change a person's personality so perhaps a combination of these is affecting your cousin. Also she's probably scared rigid..as I'm sure you are.
My own husband's personality changed too as a result of the tumour and a seizure a couple of days before his surgery. His tumour is sited in the area of the brain that controls speech/language and understanding so that's brought its own challenges. Physically he's in great shape by some miracle. He's a control freak by nature and that hasn't helped here. Now, he's also in a degree of denial about he truly is. His perception of how he is mentally and mine(including our kids) has differed for 6 months and that too brings its challenges,
For now though, I'd be led by what your cousin needs/wants of you (within reason and not to the total detriment of your own family life) but also keep talking to the CNS about your concerns here.
This group is a safe and supportive environment so please reach out anytime, There's always someone around here who gets it, someone to listen, someone to hold your hand and someone to offer a virtual hug when its needed. You might also want to consider joining the following groups -(+) Carers only forum - Macmillan Online Community and (+) Glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour - Macmillan Online Community. I've personally drawn a lot of support from both.
It’s always good to talk so please remember you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
Please don't be too hard on yourself here. It's a huge amount for you to take on board and process. It sounds as though you are being really supportive and caring but please remember to take time to look after yourself too. You need to keep those wee batteries charged and taking some "me time" isn't selfish, its essential.
For now, I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. Stay strong.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
