Hi,
I have been struggling increasingly with what I believe to be some kind of PTSD. I had my surgery in March this year followed by a month long hospital stay. It was an incredibly difficult time and there were several instances of mistreatment. I have been getting on with my recovery, doing all that I can, but being slowed down by an unrelated back injury. More recently I have started to have these intense episodes of overwhelming flashbacks and emotional distress that are brought on by visual triggers. For example: Acne on my chest reminding me of the chest acne I got from when I was on steroids in hospital, looking at the teddy bears I had with me in hospital reminding me of being there, someone sitting next to me in bed reminding me of being in hospital. There are more things but when this happens it brings it all alive again and I feel like I’m actually there and the main thought in my mind is ‘please don’t make me do anything I don’t want to do’. I can remember begging nurses to give me the care I needed and them not helping me, especially relating to using the bathroom. I was dropped one time during a wheelchair to bed transfer and left unattended and almost hit my head when I fainted this one time. There are so many difficult things that happened and it made me feel so unsafe and now I burst into tears whenever I step foot in a hospital because it brings it all back.
I have tried talking to my friends about some of my struggles but I am never able to fully talk about what I need to because the weight of what I went through is too much for them to handle. I am in my early 20s and I think most people my age haven’t had to go through anything like this and so It feels incredibly isolating. I have also had my driving licence suspended for a year and probably won’t be able to go back to university in September, which leaves me at home feeling incredibly lonely.
I would appreciate any response about this as I just feel incredibly alone in my struggle and don’t know anyone who has gone through anything similar
Hi Applehey ,
I’m Emma, a member of the team here at Macmillan’s Online Community.
I’m really sorry to read of what you are going through and so I wanted to reach out with some support.
Firstly, it sounds like you are having a really difficult time with your mental health, especially mentioning the PTSD and emotional distress linked to your treatment experiences. You deserve to have support through these feelings so I’d encourage you to talk to your GP about how you are feeling. They are there to help you with your mental health alongside your cancer.
Our Macmillan Support Line is there if you ever want to talk things through with someone over the phone and may be a good option as you mention feeling alone in your struggle at the moment. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00 for advice, emotional support or even just a listening ear.
Finally, Macmillan has information on how to access support if you are unhappy with the care that you received. You can access that here: If you are unhappy with your cancer care | Macmillan Cancer Support.
I’m really sorry to read of how you are feeling and I hope that one of these support options can help you today.
Take care,
Emma (she/her)
Online Community Team
