Partner Support

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Hello there. I'm new to this group and I i've been finding it so difficult trying to find questions that I would like answering being on the "receiving" end of someone with a Brain Tumour & not finding out if their behaviour is because of the Brain Tumour or is it the relationship ITSELF! Let's face it there isn't a Step By Step Guide Book Or Questionnaire of Tick Boxes anywhere to give me the answers to my Questions. I Just wondered Is there any groups actually ANYWHERE that questions can be asked or Helpful discussions concerning the noticeable Mental/Thought process changes of a partner & for the Partner with the Tumour to try to then maybe actually Accept there could have been changes in them & to make them try to understand that it could be because of the Tumour that they Say or do the things they do & to know that I am the same person as I always was but that they are just looking at me differently? I hope this message is understood As I'm mentally & physically drained & it's taken around 2¾ hours for me to Write this down as I'm exhausted with the going around in circles with my now Ex Partner! Do you think if talking to someone individually or together may help? I have so many Questions...I just don't know where to look to start...Thank You in advance for my waffling! X

  • Hi WarriorQueen

    a warm welcome to the online community. Waffling allowed - we're here to listen.

    I can empathise here. I've been supporting my husband through his Stage 4 brain tumour journey since Sept 2020 so I get it. 

    Everyone is unique here but lets cut to the chase. Yes- the tumour itself could cause changes in personality. The medication could also cause changes in personality and behaviour. Steroids make my husband very short tempered. The person themselves is likely to be scared and may be lashing out without realising the hurt they are causing.  There's lots of factors are play here .

    I've tried to take a non-confrontational approach as far as I can with my husband. His tumour was/is in the area of the brain that controls speech/language and understanding so that has left him with communication challenges and symptoms more like dementia than cancer. A seizure two days before his surgery back in Sept 2020 also left its mark as did the surgery and he's never been the same person since. I've come to accept that the version we're left with is a bit broken and as a family we try to make allowances for that. On the other hand, some days he drives me insane and has said some really cruel things over the past few years. For me, the key is not to take it personally. Easier said than done.

    My son, now 25, hit the nail on the head one day a long while back while I was venting to him about something I've long since forgotten. He said "Will it matter in 5 years?" I stopped in my tracks and stared at him. "If it won't matter in 5 years, let it go. It's not worth getting yourself wound up about." I've no idea when he grew to be so wise but that conversation has stuck and now when I feel myself reaching the end of my tether I ask "will it matter in 5 years?"

    Caring for someone going through this is exhausting- mentally, physically and emotionally, I don't mind admitting that after 35 months I'm totally drained. It takes it toll.

    This is a safe and supportive community so please reach out here anytime. There are another couple of groups you might want to explore too Carers only forum - Macmillan Online Community and Family and friends forum - Macmillan Online Community plus Emotional support forum - Macmillan Online Community. For those really tough days you can rant in  The Room - Macmillan Online Community. You're not alone here. We'veg got you.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    I hope this has helped a bit.

    For now I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong,

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Hi

    I'm a patient as well, and I agree with WMee. It;s usually the drugs. I feel a lot better off them especially the Dex. Happy to chat if needed

    Matt