I wish I had someone to talk to

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My Dad had a stroke 3 weeks ago. They discovered a brain tumour and that is what caused the stroke. He lost mobility in his left hand side.

He was quite physically fit for his age (72) and used to be able to go on long walks of between 3 and 5, and even up to 8 miles.

They have found he has prostrate cancer too. 

We are waiting on a treatment plan for the brain tumour. All we know so far is they would need to weigh up the risks etc. before deciding to operate. Given his age, they may decide not to operate. The other possible treatments are radiotherapy and chemotherapy. 

It’s been 2 weeks now. All the waiting is very hard to cope with. I am scared that he may have another stroke. He is on steroid treatment to try to reduce the swelling around the tumour. 

I am so worried about him. He was always the one I would go to if I needed someone to talk to. I wish I had someone to talk to.

  • Hi Peakeyboo

    a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about all that your dad is going through. That's such a lot for you both to process. Life's too cruel sometimes.

    I'm supporting my husband through his stage 4 brain tumour journey so I can empathise with the emotions/fears that you are going through. You're right- the waiting and not knowing is a 1000 times worse than knowing. Please be patient though and don't reach for Dr Google. He's a scary guy! Base things on the facts you know and take this all one step at a time. Initially hearing a diagnosis like that can be completely emotionally overwhelming. Feeling scared and anxious is perfectly natural.

    This is a safe and supportive group so please reach out here anytime. There is always someone around to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and someone to offer that virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We're here for you. Personally I've drawn a lot of support from the online community over the past couple of years,

    There's also and Ask the Expert section within the online community that might be able to answer some of your more pressing questions.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    While you are waiting for the next appointment to come through can I suggest that you write down all your questions/fears/concerns and take those notes to the appointment. They will help keep you focussed and make sure you don't forget to ask something that's important to you both. There's no such thing as a silly question here either. 

    Please also take time to take care of yourself here. You've had a lot to get your head round and it takes time to process it all. Taking "me time" isn't selfish here, it's essential to help make sure your wee batteries are charged up enough to allow you to support your dad. 

    I hope this has been helpful.

    For now, I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong. You are coping so much better than you think you are. (You'll just need to trust me on that)

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Hi Peakeyboo

    a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about all that your dad is going through. That's such a lot for you both to process. Life's too cruel sometimes.

    I'm supporting my husband through his stage 4 brain tumour journey so I can empathise with the emotions/fears that you are going through. You're right- the waiting and not knowing is a 1000 times worse than knowing. Please be patient though and don't reach for Dr Google. He's a scary guy! Base things on the facts you know and take this all one step at a time. Initially hearing a diagnosis like that can be completely emotionally overwhelming. Feeling scared and anxious is perfectly natural.

    This is a safe and supportive group so please reach out here anytime. There is always someone around to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and someone to offer that virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We're here for you. Personally I've drawn a lot of support from the online community over the past couple of years,

    There's also and Ask the Expert section within the online community that might be able to answer some of your more pressing questions.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    While you are waiting for the next appointment to come through can I suggest that you write down all your questions/fears/concerns and take those notes to the appointment. They will help keep you focussed and make sure you don't forget to ask something that's important to you both. There's no such thing as a silly question here either. 

    Please also take time to take care of yourself here. You've had a lot to get your head round and it takes time to process it all. Taking "me time" isn't selfish here, it's essential to help make sure your wee batteries are charged up enough to allow you to support your dad. 

    I hope this has been helpful.

    For now, I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong. You are coping so much better than you think you are. (You'll just need to trust me on that)

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Peakeyboo, 

    I hope you are doing ok?

    I am in a similar boat to you. Dad has prostrate cancer, has fought off skin cancer and after being rushed into hospital 2weeks ago with a suspected stroke we were told it’s a Brain tumour. It’s been a complete shock but the waiting is so frustrating and infuriating I completely get what you mean. 

    it’s still going to be another few weeks before we even get a full diagnosis, prognosis and treatment options. I find I’m just so angry all the time. I blow up at the lack of information and what feels like delay after delay and procrastination! 

    I’ve taken some strength from Wee Me on another post who talks about just living life that I hope I can try to cope a bit better and look to enjoy my time with my Dad for however long he has left with us. 

  • HI Eve10

    thank you for the lovely acknowledgement above, Made me smile which isn't always easy to do these days.

    So sorry to hear about all your dad and you are going through. The not knowing is a 1000 times worse than knowing what you are facing but please focus on what you know and not the what ifs. Steer clear of Dr Google (he's a scary dude) Everyone is unique here and things can vary greatly from person to person so try not to assume the worst. Take this one step at a time.

    As for the emotions you are feeling- they are all perfectly normal, even the anger. It's the strongest and most resilient people who show their emotions. By showing them, you are acknowledging them and addressing them even if it doesn't feel that way at the time and that's far healthier than bottling it all up. One wee suggestion that helps me especially when I feel angry and frustrated is to write all down. No one else need ever read it but write all the thoughts, feelings, frustrations down. Once you see them on the page in black and white (or whatever colour ink you prefer- I like purple myself) it takes the fear and the power out of them. This doesn't need to be formal writing. I'll confess there is one page in one of my journals that's covered with dozens of the one word. the F-word- because that was how I was feeling that day. Give it a try- you've nothing to lose. 

    While you are waiting for the next appointment which hopefully will give you the information you need, write down all your questions, fears, concerns about this and take those notes to the appointment. They will help you keep on track and make sure you ask everything that's important to you and your dad. Those early appointments can be quite overwhelming as you know so it will also help to keep you focused.

    This group is safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime. There's always someone about to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer that virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We've got you.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    I hope this has helped a bit.

    For now I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. You are coping so much better than you give yourself credit for (You'll just need to trust me on that) Stay strong. Remember to breathe.

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm