About handling my emotions

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Evening all

im new to this group as iv only just got the courage to come on the website , I was diagnosed last year with a brain tumour and I haven’t had any sort of emotions though out my treatment is this a normal thing ? , I just feel so numb inside and I find it hard to speak to anyone about my situation and iv been told to try this as it could help me 

  • HI Mr Bluenose

    a warm welcome to the group. Sorry to hear about all that you've been going through.

    Any cancer journey is an emotional one but its also a personal one and really there is no right or wrong way to feel. My husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020. After the initial shock of his diagnosis and a few very emotional conversations, he shut the door on discussing it. He has kept things pretty much to himself. His way of coping once he'd recovered from his surgery and treatment was to go for a walk on his own. He would walk for hours but it seemed to help him emotionally. I believe he has opened up to a couple of his friends but he has shunned all offers of counselling etc. 

    This group is a safe and supportive space. There's always someone around here to listen who gets it. Personally I've drawn a lot of support from it over the past couple of years. For me, one of the attractions is the degree of anonymity by using a "nickname". I've found it easier to open up to strangers on here (and I mean that in the nicest sense) than it has been to open up to friends and family. I also believe that people will open up and talk when they feel ready to talk. I do also believe though that it helps to talk and this forum is a great way to do just that.

    Something else I have used extensively as a coping mechanism is journaling. Write it all down. No one else is going to read it .... just you. Once you see things in black and white on the page they can seem less daunting. Try it. 

    Whenever anyone goes through a significant change or trauma there is a natural curve to the emotional responses that people go through. Look up the Kubler Ross change curve. It's linked to the five stages of grief but is also closely linked to the business world where there is a lot of change activity. The theory is the same. I'm guessing that your initial diagnosis was a shock to the system- that was the trigger event. The how you respond can be tracked by the Kubler Ross curve. Each phase of it takes as long as it takes. There are no hard and fast rules for how long it takes to process events like this.

    As I said, this is a safe and supportive space so I'm sure others will be along shortly to empathise and share their experiences with you.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    I hope this has been helpful.

    Don't beat yourself up for the way you feel. Take this one step at a time and when the time is right, something might click (could be triggered by a specific food or a song on Spotify or a phrase someone says) and then you might feel different emotionally. 

    For now, stay strong. Look forwards and not back - you're not going that way.

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Thank you so much , I really appreciate you sharing that information with me , I do understand a little more.. that every one is different and we handle it differently , some times I just get really angry about the situation, but iv just felt numb since day one of me being told the bad news , it turned my life up side down. 

  • I’m the mum of a 20 year old diagnosed in December 22, most of the time I just feel numb and just try to cope each day.

    im scared of ‘what next’’ as every time things feel a bit stable we have something new to handle. Try not to think about ‘what you SHOULD feel, you can only deal with how you feel , and there are no rules or guide to that, just get support as and when you’re ready. I think it’s worth reaching out to support services so you know what they like and what they offer , you may not need their support now but you it’s there if you do later. Feeling isolated and alone is the worst 

    take care x

  • Hello 

    I’m sorry to hear that and thank you for the message, that’s like me I just fell numb in side and when people mention it I don’t feel nothing inside , it’s been a long and hard journey and it feels like it’s never gonna end , I feel like cause I have 2 young kids I have to be as strong as I can in front of them.