Hi - Feeling Guilty

Hi Al,

It's completely normal to feel physically fine while you have cancer. I have stage 4 cancer too and I feel well and have only felt ill during treatment, I've never had any symptoms of the cancer at all.  It's actually quite common.  This is why cancer is tricky and is often not picked up until later stages.

The chemo also has a bit of a bad reputation.  While I didn't actually feel sparkling while I was on it I wasn't physically sick (although I did have the runs on some days) as they give you drugs to help to avoid that.  I mostly felt run down and exhausted but worked full time throughout, although I do work from home.

Emotionally it's very normal to struggle, but don't try to make yourself iller than you need to be (I doubt your family would want that either).  Ask your nurses about getting some mental health support for you and your family.  These resources are usually available and I believe Macmillan has resources too.

Palliative chemo can keep you feeling well for a long long time based on some of the stories on this board - I met a chap who was in his sixth year while in hospital for my chemo and he was feeling absolutely fine. 

Wishing you all the best for your treatment.  

CerysM

Thank you Cerys x

Hi Hippo,

I too am stage four and relatively young at 52.

I definitely wouldn't wish to feel any worse than you do, if you are like most of us you'll be on a very up and down journey. Different chemotherapy combos have different effects on each and every one of us. This can also kick in on the first cycle, or later on as the effects build 

Try and live your life as well as you can, there will be plenty of time to feel crappy later on in your journey, unless you are very lucky.

The emotional side of things though is probably the hardest thing to deal with, alongside the uncertainty. There are plenty of examples of people living for years in our situation, but sadly that is not always the case. 

The longer into the journey I go I almost find it harder to deal with, that initial denial and fight I started with had been replaced by a bit more realism that I will probably have to live with this forever. I'm not the worst on chemo, the main side effect is fatigue. Which sometimes just does my head in, Im not able to return to work yet and will probably end up claiming Ill health retirement. 

My advice is not to feel guilty at all. Often family, my mother was like this, think a stage four cancer diagnosis means you'll die very soon. You will all soon settle into a newish life. Do what you can whilst you still can. It may well be years and years before the cancer really gets you. 

All the best

Thanks mate. Ironically after posting this I started to feel like crap ...... So I guess I got what I wished for.

All the best with your journey 

Al

That's cancer for you, summed up perfectly right there mate!

It's almost like it can hear you at times, it also likes to kick you in the teeth, just when you think all is going well! 

I started a new chemo a couple of months ago, all was going well, cancer markers down, energy improving then bang,shingles out of nowhere!! 

Treatment paused then the next infusion loads of side effects as the immune system is knackered! 

Hope things don't get too bad for you! 

Sorry to hear that mate. I've never had shingles but heard it's not very nice. 

I think my illness came from my kids having their flu vaccine at school. It was the live spray up the nose and I just didn't think it would hit me until it was too late. It's all a steep learning curve

Over the worst of it now. I hope you get back on your feet soon. Best of luck with everything mate. 

Hi, 

im in a similar boat also with stage 4 bowel, mestasis of liver and moving into duodenum. Been diagnosed since Feb at 42 and have 2 primary school girls. I keep getting comments like you look so well despite having had sepsis, pulmonary embolism and my cancer has grown so yeah cancer does hear other people. It’s tough for our families as they can feel it but all we can do is keep positive and keep fighting it together. I have recently just failed my treatment for a new one which was targeted for my rare type of cancer but going back to chemo after meeting with oncologist next week. Gonna have moments of feeling good then those big side effect moments so stay strong and your family will be there right by you. They are our rocks and our goals to best this shit! Good luck with everything. 

The similarities we have is quite scary. People keep telling me i look ok. Not sure what I’m supposed to look like but i guess that’s a good thing. I feel ok 90% of the time and god awful the other 10%. It’s hard to predict.

Wishing you and your family all the strength in the world.