Scared

Thank you so much Paul, I am having the scan on Monday. I think its my stomach but not entirely sure! I know they are looking to see if its spread and they are injecting a dye into me. I couldn't take it all in to be honest... There is an MDT meeting on Wednesday so I should know after that. I have told friends.  I have not  told family members as yet. I'm with you on crying in front of strangers, I blurted it out to a mobile phone customer care bod! 

xxx

I am so grateful for everyone's response and I am aware thet I may come across as 'me, me, me, focus on me' I am sorry if it does seem that way but its just the shock at the moment. I have had two of those laxative drinks within a week and they really take it out of me, emotionally and physically. I am a private person and having to deal with the tests has felt so invasive. The staff were lovely when I had the colonoscopy but for me it was pretty gruesome all the same...

Hi it’s me again . I have been following your many replies and I hope they have helped . As for crying join the club I  hold the record for it . Also the colonoscopies the laxatives and all that brings are truly upsetting I defy anyone to say they didn’t feel uncomfortable with the whole procedure. You don’t come across as anything other than someone who is coping as well as you can with an extremely emotional and stressful time . Please be assured I will keep you in my thoughts as will everyone else on here try to have a good evening lots x Chris 

You absolutely don't come across like that at all!!!! It is all emotionally and physically draining. Thrust into an alien, medicalised world that is massively anxiety provoking.

As Chris says snuggle up and try and distract yourself this evening.  Will be thinking of you next week xx

Can I suggest that when you get invited in for the discussion on how your treatment will proceed that you take someone?  If not, at least record the conversation on your phone.  Just let them know you’re going to do it because, with the best will in the world, you won’t remember half of what’s said.  There’s too much going on. 

Get yourself a nice notebook and start writing questions down that you would like to ask them.  I think I had almost 30!  I’m not sure who was most frazzled at the end of the meeting, the surgeon or me

You may think about a question as you go to make a cup of tea this evening, write it down.  Then maybe tomorrow morning you think of another, write it down too and keep doing that. Then you’ll have a whole list to ask with you instead of trying to think about the important question you know you were meant to ask when you’re sitting there. 

I was (am) a fairly private person but I just ended up handing my body over to them.  What do you want to see?  Have a good look!

when I had my first colonoscopy I was not sedated because I hadn’t told anyone and I had no one to pick me up from the hospital.  So it was the gas for me.  In the room was a woman in charge of the gas (which I’m convinced was empty!) a nurse to hold my hand, the chap shoving the camera up me and then there was a knock on the door and someone asked if two students could observe!  Why the hell not!  Shall we just sell tickets?    At that point I decided I have no shame and that was actually quite liberating!

I had a second colonoscopy last Monday and I just didn’t care at that one.

Just to put yourself at ease about the scan with the dye. I had mine. about 10 days ago. It is quite straightforward and is a relatively quick procedure. Take care . X

Great reply and somehow you kept your sense of humour!

Oh, that did make me laugh about the students! I suppose the time to really worry is when they send in the marching band!

I only had gas too as I went on my own. I thought it was going to be like the first CT scan, but no... I kept trying not to look at the screen but, like a horror movie, you can't help it! 

That is a good idea about the notebook, especially as I have no short term memory to speak of these days. I really like arty stuff so I'm going to make one.

The students and the marching band ! You are right about the horror movie aspect. Mine was on 14th Dec, staff singing Xmas songs in corridor..... the nurse had a Santa hat on....... chit chat as the endoscopist made her way around my colon 'oooh so who's doing the cooking this year?'.... then The Tumour appeared in all its glory...... mood changed a bit .  All you could hear was me frantically sucking the gas and air!

You just have to catch the humour when you can

Great idea re recording or notebook, impossible to focus. xx

You guys were brave just doing the gas. I went full on sedation then I tried to assist by pointing out the tumour in case they missed it.    My second visit was for the tattoo that they didn’t do on the first visit.  I had nothing.except holding on to the bed.  They didn’t tell me what was going to happen next when they put my belongings in the toilet……..I was like an octopus farting ink.  I’m not sure if they could hear me talking to myself wondering when it would stop.