Newbie. Colon with spread, now stage 4

Hi so sorry you find yourself here. There is a forum for secondary cancer if you would like to have a look. We are a friendly lot and always try to help out. We all have different secondaries mine being bone but we try to stay posative as best as we can. Its like being on a roundabout good news, bad news, no news we just cant win. These set backs throw us from time to time and we have to try to pick ourselves up and its not always easy i know. I wish you all the best with your further treatment.

Oh TanWx  it’s such a disappointment to get a difficult scan result especially when you were just finding your feet .

However bowel cancer is a bit more favourable than some other primaries when it comes to the liver . My mum Had what was classified as a significant spread to her liver back in 2009 . A few bumps along the road and in 2010 she had 73% of her liver removed at a centre for excellence . She has had no further problems with the liver . It regenerated well if not a bit of an odd shape but she is now in her eighties and it’s still holding up well .

Everybody is different for sure but my mum for bowel surgery more difficult than the liver .

You will most definitely find your feet again slowly but surely however sometimes you just need to give yourself some time to adjust . I would see it happening with my mum then I would hear her saying “ that’s it , I have found my focus “ and she would get herself geared up for the next step in the process . Sometimes just a toe by toe journey but she got there and you will too .

Take special care ,

Court 

Thank you for your response. I'm usually a very positive person. I think I came here looking for someone going down a similar path to mine, prob just looking for some hope I suppose. I turned 47yrs old on Fri, I have 3 children (youngest nearly 9, 15 and 19yrs old) -trying to remain positive for them but honestly... I'm feeling quite scared now! Also feeling like a fraud, like I'm letting them believe all will be ok but prob like many others I'm worried I won't be. Just trying to protect them for now.

Thank you for your kind words, that all sounds very encouraging. Xx

I know the scared feeling , we all do on here.  You are not a fraud its what good parents do we try to protect our kids. I have been living with secondary cancer now for 4 years and its not all been bad. Its early day for you and you have not had time to get your head around it yet. Later on when you are on the correct treatment you will feel more in control and maybe in a better position to tell the kids what you are dealing with . There is no rush just try to take it week by week. There are lots of treatments available and many more on the way, its called living with cancer for a reason haha. my cancer is on the march again but i cant control it i will take anything they will give me to keep me going a lot longer all the best

Hi TanWx. I'm new to this, but I can totally relate to what you're going through. We've told our two kids (8 & 5) and are being as honest as we can be. I'm struggling with worst case scenarios, but when the kids ask questions I try and give the line I've been given by the professionals and leave my own feelings/worries/fears out of it. I don't think that's being disingenuous or giving them false hope, I think its doing the best for them.

Stay strong, and I will try and do the same.

Wishing you all the best.

Rich

The older 2 would probably look stuff up themselves anyway, so I definitely think it's best to be honest. I'm just finding myself delivering updates in quite a casual way, trying not to come across too concerned- that's probably why I'm feeling a little fraudulent because I am worried. I think you're right, we are just doing the best we can for them. My kids seem happy, I'll keep those worst case scenario worries to the back of my mind for now... one step at a time! Thank you for your response.

Wishing you well,

Tan

Hi Tan, I'm ever so sorry to hear this and can completely understand how you feel- I am sure we all can- when I get new news I always feel a sense of shock but then my brain does recalibrate but there is no denying it's tough and I think it's also okay and perhaps good to say that. However I find as others have said that when I know the plan I feel much better and back to myself- and I really value seeing the Dr and nurses and find that tends to make me feel more grounded and ready to go. Also as others have said there is so much they can do- there are some incredible examples of people like us who are doing amazingly. We are all in this together, take care x

Thank you x

A pal of mine (in his 40s) with a young family was diagnosed with bowel cancer a year or so ago. Very quickly the NHS took him in and removed the tumour and he was home a few days later. Shortly after he was told that he had two tumours in his liver and he was put on a chemo course prior to surgery. He had two bouts of surgery and - after taking it easy for a couple of months - he is back canoeing and chasing around working on his house project. He feels as fit as a flea and is just getting on with life. Chin up!

Dulac