Any positive stories to help my Father in Law?

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. My own father in law went through a similar period during his fight against bladder cancer. The battle is mental as well as physical. 

Others will be along with stage 4 stories but for now, read my profile. I wasn't stage 4 but the size of my tumor probably exceeds the size of his and it did a ton of damage before it was discovered. But I am here, 15 months later with all cancer gone. And I feel better than I have in 2 years. 

It is very important that he try to find a way to eat. I see where you said he hates the ensure. Check with his team to see if there is another food supplement he cam try. Every bite counts. 

Also check that he's staying hydrated. Dehydration can cause personality changes. My father in law needed frequent IV fluids and he improved after getting them.

He sounds so much like my father in law... I feel attached, please update us if possible.  

Hi Lewis444,

I was diagnosed Oct 2023 with upper bowel/duodenum cancer and the tumour was stage 4 with a spread to several lymph nodes. I had 6 months of adjuvant chemotherapy. 

There is now a spread in my lymph nodes which I have started immunotherapy for. 

We have a genetic condition in my family called lynch syndrome which unfortunately means we have had a lot of bowel cancers over the years so what helped me was knowing that it is survivable - I have 3 walking talking examples of this in my family. It's also very treatable. Chemo is no walk in the park but it's also not as bad as I was expecting. 

Macmillan offer some free counselling sessions with BUPA that are quick to set up and may help your FIL process the diagnoses. 

I hope this helps x

Thank you so much for this- I will have a look at your profile now. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, 

Hi Lewis44 Have a look at court mums profile 

Thank you so much for this positive news. I will definitely pass this onto him- I think until he believes that he can survive this, he will continue to give up any hope. I was so yo all the very best with your immunotherapy 

Thank you so much for this- what an inspiring story- I will definitely pass this onto him. My husband has been using the MacMillan Support Line, which has been great, but unfortunately my FIL is not open to discussing his situation with anyone at the moment, which is making it even more difficult for us all

Hi Lewis44 

Welcome to the forum . I think  initially everyone is thrown into this new situation and trying to process so many aspects of it at once it can take time to find your feet . 
Can I just ask if he has a spread anywhere else ? Is his liver ok ?

In terms of food  don’t be frightened to ask for dieticians to be involved . Of which I am not but happy to share what we tried . To be fair no one seems to enjoy the build up drinks . My mum threatened to invite us all for Sunday lunch with Ensure being the only dish on the menu . But we did find one by complan . It was a chicken soup one and that with a slice of bread brought it up to around 400 cal .  Most supermarkets have then in the health section But it also gave you peace of mind on the nutrition front . But sometimes calories is important too so we also focused on making every mouthful count . Added cream to mashed potatoes . Added in high calorie desserts . M and S rice puddings etc . French toast and if he starts to drop weight we used milk shakes and added lots of chocolate and ice cream . The benefit of this was small sips often . But not being faced with too much at once . Add grated cheese etc . My mum found this hard as she always had a healthy diet but after going down three stones with little appetite it was a case of needs must . 

In terms of prognosis . My mum felt no one could determine the day she would die so she accepted all the guidance going , was a compliant patient with a health attitude but refused to have a formal prognosis although we knew it . Also if he needs help with the mental health aspects please do speak to his GP . 

She had a significant spread at diagnosis to her liver . Had recurrences and later on a spread to her lung  . She lived for 15 years and she had a wonderful time with family . She did have to factor in treatment , surgeries and over 65 scans and not all of that was easy to say the least but we pulled together and helped her through the tough spots and enjoyed the good ones .

Difficult situations often sit side by side with the good ones . Such is life . He maybe just needs some time to process and as my mum used to say to find her focus then it was best foot forward . He has a good team around him .

We all needed Hope to begin with . It’s a very powerful tool

.

Send him our love and best wishes for successful treatment . 
Court 

Thank you so much for this invaluable information. No, it hasn’t spread yet, which is why they want to do the Chemo before removing the tumour. He has lost so much weight, as he has barely eaten for weeks. The only time he has left the house since his diagnosis was to go to hospital. These tips will hopefully enable us to hopefully get him strong enough to start his Chemo in a couple of weeks’ time. I will certainly pass your positive story onto him, as I am sure it will give him some hope. Many thanks 

Hello Lewis,

My cancer was diagnosed as Stage 3 with 2 lymph nodes affected in October of this year. Prior to the actual staging, I had seen the tumour on my colonoscopy in September and I was convinced I was going to die very soon. In fact, I didn’t think I would make Christmas. The reason I felt this was because despite considering myself to be a reasonably intelligent person, I was actually extremely ignorant when it came to understanding bowel cancer. I just thought that cancer meant death, especially if the tumour was at least 4cm long and covering the entire lining of your colon like the Calgon adverts show grease in your dishwasher pipes!

However, it’s a great deal more nuanced and individual than that. Stages 3 and 4 don’t mean instant death, they mean many treatment options. Reassure him if you can that Ensure has to be the drink that Satan offers you when you arrive at the door of hell, if he finds it disgusting he is in great company and you need to have a look at the alternatives, available at chemists and supermarkets. If he wants to stay alive and have a decent time doing it, he will be able to. It won’t be a particularly easy or fun ride to start with, but the alternative is probably beyond any of our nightmares. 

Cancer is a shock! A horrible shock that for me, made me feel like I’d been thrown off a horse and landed really hard on my backside. He’s got to move pretty sharpish to the acceptance stage and not worry about facts and figures or other people’s journeys. Remind him that the NHS obviously believe that they can treat him to the point of getting better. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be wasting everyone’s time with chemo for him and making plans for his future.

I hope that’s a bit reassuring. I’m a bit blunt, but I want people to realise that this is a new chapter in their lives. Not the last chapter.

Take care,

Nic

Thank you so much for this message Nic- I love the bluntness! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job of handling your situation, and I will certainly pass on your excellent take on the situation. Right now, we will try any tactic to get him in a more positive frame of mind ready for his chemo. 
I wish you all the very best with your treatment too