The Waiting is the Worst!!!!

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Hi All,

So this is my first time posting after reading so many posts and wanting to reach out, so here's some background. I have felt a "niggling" in the upper Left side of my stomach - stupidly I have ignored it for A LONG TIME too scared to face the fear and go to the Doctors. Anyway, I was more or less forced to go in April, I have previous history of Ulcerative Colitis back in 2015 with polyps so Google has done the awful thing and convinced me these polyps are now cancerous.

Symptoms - at first I was getting mucus, blood etc. A blood test x 2 revealed nothing of concern. A positive FIT test however, meant that I was then referred on a 2WW pathway and I found the letter on the NHS App which stated Urgent Colon Cancer Suspected. This was NOT communicated to me at the time so my mind went into overdrive!!

The last few weeks have been torturous hell, I go from being positive and then straight back to a stage 4 diagnosis. My symptoms have all but stopped now, I'm back to being regular on the loo every day and no signs of mucus - I do have a tear so some blood is there but not massive amounts. My appetite is fine and I am classed as "morbidly obese" so no weight loss that I know of.

I followed up my 2WW referral with the doctor as this was sent on the 2nd of May and as of yesterday I had nothing. So now the Colonoscopy is booked for next Friday and the worry has escalated majorly! My husband is convinced I don't have anything sinister but my head tells me otherwise.

I just can't rest anymore, I've battled with my demons since April and knowing that D-Day is next Friday I am awash with emotions and worry. I'm only 41 and my daughter is 11 - it hurts when I even think what a cancer diagnosis would do to her.

I keep telling myself that if it is cancer, it can be treated (reading everyone else's success stories) but then I throw myself back to "I won't be that lucky"

I guess I just want to reach out and connect with others who are waiting - because waiting is the worst part so far and it's often a very lonely place to be.

I am on anti-depressants to cope with the anxiety of it all and without these I don't think I could have got through these last few weeks.

  • Hi  and a warm welcome to the board. Yes the waiting is very stressful but please try and remember that thoughts are not facts. Yes there has been blood detected in your stool but, as you’ve said yourself, you have a small tear and that could be the cause. The important things is to get checked out. Your GP may feel it’s not cancer but they have to treat it as a suspicion to get you seen within the 2 week pathway.

    There have been quite a few posts on here recently where people have been worried but it’s turned out to be a polyp or diverticulitis for example. The more you worry then the more your body will react with aches and pains and gurglings and then you will worry some more.

    I’ve attached a link to a post that had some really good ideas for dealing with stress and anxiety and please think about ringing the support desk as well? They’re really helpful and will chat things through with you.

     Controlling anxiety and panic 

    Take care and please let us know how you get on?

    Karen x

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
  • Hi there 

    I too feel the turmoil of the waiting game and how the mind is running wild one minute then rational the next ..

    my colonoscopy which was ref under the urgent 2WW is booked for 13th June .

    i have no previous history of any bowel issues.. I usually am on the firmer side going every 2/3 days normal for me… fast forward to 4 weeks of explosive diahrea,which has just started to settle a little now ,but constant stomach cramps and some very severe pains intermittently..

    bloods show low white cell count

    stool sample for bugs/inflamation/parasite (NORMAL)

    FIT test  range is 0-9 because I’m symptomatic my results are 48 

    mixed feelings because part of me thinks this is cancer and part of me thinks noooo not me.

    of course the only way to no is the test on 13th June..I feel your anxiety I really do …

  • Hi and thanks for replying!

    It’s awful isn’t it, waiting for the unknown, I really do know what you’re going through. 

    I keep trying to be positive by telling myself that even if it is cancer it can be treated no matter what! I think I need to hang onto that!

    Huge good luck for your appointment and please feel free to let me know how you got on! Mine is next Friday and I’m at the stage now where I just want it done and the answer given either way!

    It’s the fear of breaking the news to my 11yo daughter - she already knows her step-grandad is dying from terminal cancer so I don’t want to add to that!

    Good luck again and know you aren’t alone with the fears and constant worries xx