Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Morning hope Les gets some good news Not sure on results the mri was ordered from surgeon a year this week he had the large tumour removed he couldn't cope with the chemo so need to know where or if it has spread to it had already  spread to his lymph nodes we have bloods for markers on 8th February and colrectral nurse ringing with  results on the14th not sure if it is all the results guess we just wait this weather is awful isn't it  can't keep puppy in fed up of getting wet poor thing could't face it yesterday hugs to you x

God only knows what the doctors do. When collecting my prescription they ask if I want my blood pressure doing but I have one at home. Mine seems to be okay but my palpitations or ectopics get really bad. They have been bad the last few days as Les seems down in the dumps not having chemo xx

Jkee I find the waiting the worst as not knowing makes me anxious. I am a little surprised that he has not had an mri before now.  I am so proud of everyone the way they cope. It does seem a long time to wait for the blood markers and doctors on strike are not helping. I send you a big hug for you all including the puppy.  I am definitely not getting one as too much like hard work and there is enough to do although I think it would be good to have someone or a dog in the house to keep me company but if Les needs to go back in there is no one to look after it. I have put my sensible hat on for a change. I pray it has not spread for Simon.  Is there anything they can do at all xx

Morning wish this nausea would go away burning in tummy and starting to think maybe ulcer drinking gaviscon have no taste buds hoping a virus that will pass. We were told because his heart could not tolerate chemo to go and enjoy our life a high risk it has spread and when it does his words hopefully be able to remove not really helpful he has not been well all year and his bone hurt and can feel his hands and feet a lot going on but as usual will not talk so everything is resting on the scans praying all good but also I'm remembering our last oncologist chat just time we don't know our long like living with a time bomb hugs to you xx

Jkee you could have covid. Have you done a test. It certainly is living with a time bomb. Popped out but dizzy and out of breath all due to the stress. Men don’t seem to say too much probably because they don’t want us to worry but it makes us worry more. It is a time bomb for us all and it is horrendous. I do hope you start and feel better soon and get on top of whatever is causing you problems. My thoughts are with you as always. Xx

Hi Maggie I have done a Covid test it was negative in one way I was hoping it was positive least I would know what it was I feel weak as we always say I cannot be ill just feel tearful today hopefully tomorrow will start to settle why is it all hitting me now a year later been strong for a year but all of a sudden I havn't the strength I am sure the black cloud will lift it has to we all need a massive hug love to you xx

Jkee it will lift just try and be more positive and tomorrow is another day. Have you tried mindfulness for 10 minutes every day. I am starting again tomorrow. If, not make an appointment to see the GP as you may just need something to help. Don’t forget the hectic Christmas you had and that will have taken its toll on you.  We do all need a huge hug and some positivity as that is all we have. I can’t go to the funeral with my daughter a week on Friday as Les is having chemo we think. If he doesn’t he will get very depressed. I must admit I do feel the same when a black cloud comes over but I have some tablets that help me get back on track and I sometimes see a therapist who puts me back on track which is good and getting out for an hour helps even with panic attacks. Don’t forget you are strong and a proper trooper carrying on.  

massive hugs to all xx

Hi Everyone! 

How are we all doing so far in I think we can call the first proper week of the New Year. Well, I'm back `in my own space` again. Margaret (my sister) went home on Friday so it's been quite peaceful again and good to get my own space again. I have made a start in trying to motivate myself seeing as its the new year and I have more or less been in limbo over the last 6 months not knowing what to do, where or how to be so started back at the gym today. It was very strange going there without Jay as that was something we did together and it has been two years since I was there. The girl on reception Clare who started us up the last time talked me through everything again last Wednesday when I took the plunge to go and rejoin. She was trying to get me to do classes but I'm not ready for that yet it has taken me all my time getting back. The other receptionist Vicky (my namesake) was on today and she was so glad to see me back too I thought that was really nice that they had been all asking after me. Just had to brace myself a little bit walking along the corridor because the sports hall has big glass partitions and you can see right in and the nets were up for the badminton courts which Jay and I used to go to as well and it just felt so surreal even in the gym I had the habit of looking round and expecting to see him on one of the weight or cardio machines. But I did it so that's another thing ticked off the list. I'm starting my bereavement support next Monday. I get six telephone sessions. I'm starting to adjust I feel but slowly and I feel I'm still needing a little bit of support. I still have days that it's so hard to comprehend Jay has gone and I'm still sitting some days just not being able to believe he's gone. My sister came along today. She has had a letter through for her rent going up but she gets help with that so it's ok and then she said something which made me lash out at her. She said she is getting stronger glass in her windows and I said oh is this something everyone in your complex will be getting. Then she said no it's to block out `her noise` accross from me. I said to her `what noise` and she said `she's playing music again`. I just know now to ignore this when she starts that because I know it's not going on but I just blew up with her today and said to her `Don't Start Margaret`! she knows Jay is not here now to back me up so I don't know if she is trying to push my buttons again to see how far she gets. See she stayed here nearly two weeks over the holiday and I don't know now because I sent her home this is her looking for attention again because this thing about the music hasn't been mentioned in months. So when I told her don't start she just went `oh well then ok` she has nothing to complain about. God forgive me she has been given a second chance of life and really she is wasting it. This is where my resentment comes in she's here and Jay isn't. I know if it had been Jay given that 2nd chance he would be trying to live it to the full. I just wonder if someone has said something to her and it's festering in her mind because this is when these little `episodes` surface. 

But enough of my problems. How are you all doing? Jkee hope Simon is bearing up ok as is Les Maggie. Helen I think of you often as I do with you all. I hope Paul is getting sorted with his treatment. So a new year has officially began and just have to see what it brings. Stay strong ladies we soldier on as what we must do. Take Care

Vicky xx

Nice to hear from you Vicky and taking some little steps back into life. I have started at a class on a Monday quite gentle fitness and trying to walk on a Wednesday afternoon with my friend, we walk and talk and get things off our chest so it’s good. Paul’s hospice is sorting me out with some councelling or reki or something. Waiting for a call on Friday from pharmacist about my blood pressure - wasn’t allowed to have a face to face appointment with a doctor which was annoying.

going to Faro  on 21st for 4 nights with Sally and had to cancel Paul’s trip as he is unable to travel. I feel bad about it for him but in another way a bit of relief to escape. That sounds really bad doesn’t 

Have put some stuff on Vinted so will see how that goes. Just keep clearing more stuff as dont want kids to have to deal with it all. I keep thinking about it all when lying in bed. This time two years ago we were in New York and this time last year in Spain.

Hope Simon and Les are doing ok, we just have to keep going 

Helen x

Hi Vicky and Helen have been thinking about you we are waiting for the dreaded scan results so scan anxiety at moment so trying to fill my days glad Christmas is over as I'm sure are you. Sounds like you are both dealing with grief with amazing strength bad days are normal but you face it with strength Vicky you have every right to get cross you are bound to have those thoughts after loosing Jay bless you. Helen get some sun shine you deserve it just to feel the sun will help your mental state you have been through hell keep in tough love to you all xxx