Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Jkee wow it does all sound so similar. Unfortunately I will never forgive her even though she is only a sister in law. I never want to see her or speak to her. I just can’t knowing what she got up to.  Like you we have always worked and I am still working now from home but she has had the odd jobs but as I call it the cash cow died and then she had to get a job after that but she does not need one now the estate is sorted out. She even had his mother diagnosed with late onset dementia and never told us. Everything about her is wrong just wrong. All I can say is that we never took a penny and just made sure his mum was okay. Well enough of that as not wasting time on her. 

take care everyone xx

Wow this sounds so familiar. This all went on with Jays family too. His late brother and sister-in-law all took charge of Jay's mum and dad's finances but as we found out when clearing out his mum's house when she went into a care home they were looking after their finances for themselves and theirs. Jay was always the `blacksheep` of the family. I think I wrote about this before his mum favoured his brother more than Jay and Jay was more for his dad. If Jay's brother asked for money it was yes and no questions asked when Jay asked it was the `spanish inquestition`. He used to tell me that his dad used to slip him a few quid here and there. His dad was quite `shrewd` with money and had savings all tied up in different places but when he passed Jay never saw a penny of it. He asked for a garden chair his dad had but was told Robert (his brother) took it for their conservatory. His sister in law used to say to me that she was not his mother's carer and not to class her as such. You got carers allowance for that I know because I got it when Jay was ill and for her to turn down the chance of `easy money` I don't believe! She needed to `keep up her lifestyle`. We found lists in his mums house of what everyone got moneywise at Christmas and of course her sons and then were at the top of the list and Jay and I would be at the bottom of the pecking order. But `God forgive me` karma prevailed in the end and they both went before Jay. His brother was into a lot of `shady` stuff in his younger days and I think this is how he got his money didn't just get his money through working. I think just about every family has this going on. Take Care ladies. 

xx

Vicky I don’t think it goes on in all families but money is the root of all evil. We have worked hard all our lives and as long as we had enough for the children and us we were fine. We still have the car which is an 04 and goes well.  We have had only 2 cars in nearly 40 years. We don’t need to keep up with neighbours.  His sister was the favourite and somehow when his father was alive there was a new car every 3 years and did not work etc. her daughter is the same and relied on him for money.  Even at the funeral she was crying not for her grandfather but she was getting electric cut off and because he was there could not ask.  I did say to Les mum what you give o e you give the other but I think it fell on deaf ears. She did ask if we needed anything but we are proud and always said no we are fine just spend your money on things you want. I looked at the receipt she is asking for half of for the chair and even that seems odd as it is not a full receipt and figures have been changed. Honestly his mum left a load of money and she still wants more.  She got all the jewellery, took all the sovereigns and anything else that was worth anything. Enough again of that. Karma.  

I do hope you are all coping.  Hugs Maggie xx

Jay was like that too Maggie! He would never like people to know he was struggling. We always got by but it used to make me so angry that when his dad passed his mum always favoured his brother and he manipulated that. They never worked either. His sister in law was a nurse and she sued the health board because she fell on a wet floor while moving a patient and put her back out and apparently got a `tidy sum` from them and his brother fell from a building site and claimed the company too so don't know what was the settlements they got but they liked to `flash the cash` with like your in-laws a new car every other year and she couldn't talk to you without telling you what she bought what she was getting and mentioning the price tags. My dad although not related to them used to see what was going on he was quite shrewd my dad and was good at getting the `gist` of people and he sussed them when he met them and knew what they were about. I will always be very grateful to my mum and dad because they used to help us out from time to time as did Jay's dad but of course that all stopped once he passed. He was always telling his mum to make sure `we were ok` and I think she did this grudingly. Jays dad said to me one time and I'll always remember this to go to his mother if we needed anything like money or something but her response that is not printable here so that unfortunately was the kind of person she was. But it's all in the past now and just need to try to look ahead. Sending you big hugs too. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

Vicky I have to put it behind me but find it hard when now she is asking for half the money for a chair for his brother and the receipt on the email only shoes the price which has been changed. I would pay anything for his brother but not even a phone call to him. I have decided if she sends anymore I will ignore them and just tell Les there is an email for him.  Les won’t tell her how poorly he is either. They only spoke every other year so have never been close.  Hey ho as they say we have more going on in our lives and money is the root of ell evil.  

love and hugs to everyone xx

It certainly is Maggie

xx

Well the blinking huge tree is down as Les said just because he is not well does not mean we can’t have the tree up. With the help of daughter and a friend etc we hit it from the loft. Start to put the branches on tomorrow and then need help with all the baubles. Another 30 odd different ones bought this year which I have hung on a birch tree that lights up. I am dreading trying to get the 1000 baubles on the huge tree. The fairy has been left in the loft. It would not be bad but our ceilings are very high. The joys, must try and get in the Christmas spirit.  Presents bought and wrapped (off the internet). Les seems happy the tree is down so what makes him happy I will just have to go with the flow lol xx

take care and hugs to all. Xx

Well Les has been poorly since Wednesday and the tree was not up. I was feeling sorry for myself so decided to start and try to get it up. I managed but daughter came about lunchtime to put the lights on as I was going dizzy standing on the ladders. Then I started to put the glass baubles on. That was a huge task in itself. Got up Thursday at 5 to finish them off. There are 200 which I have not put on.  I did 5000 steps plus another on Thursday to get it up.  Well it is up now. Wish I could post a picture as it is gorgeous with all sorts of different glass baubles. This has kept me busy and stop worrying etc over Les. He seems a little better this morning but will see how it goes. He managed to put 2 baubles on yesterday as I was sorting the ones that are staying in the loft. He finds it hard as his fingers are numb. Just wish you could all see it as it would make you smile. 

enough of me how is everyone coping xx

Morning your tree sounds beautiful  I thought mine was a large tree but it sounds as though you are trying to find some magic in Christmas well done. Sorry Les has felt unwell we have had similar week plus the stress of the family coming to stay here at Christmas is stressing me out can't be ill have to be on top of it last year was cancelled Simon came out of hospital with Covid but the family still came to sit and be looked after downstairs while Simon was in the spare room it was awful. The problem for me my 2 sons and girlfriend just sit to be waited on last year my eldest took over the kitchen for me but it was a bomb site if I can just get to next weekend with Simon well enough and no germs in the house I will struggle through oh yes and we now have puppy we will embrace it I'm sure .Love to you all xxx

Morning, Sorry to hear. Les not feeling too good but you managed to get the tree up and lit I am just getting ready to go to the hospice to see Paul, I’ve had an ok week been out for a Xmas lunch with friends and went to see the Bootleg Beatles with Sally on Friday night. Kevin would have loved it. I haven’t sent many Xmas cards as keep tearing up just writing my name so gave up. Paul had an operation last Monday and it may have helped a bit so I’m still trekking back and forwards to hospice, doing his washing and ironing but not enjoying the 40 odd miles round trip. Have done his Xmas shopping for his kids and wrapped everthi g for him. What a life!!

Never mind me moaning hope everyone is trying to find a bit of Xmas cheer, I’ll be glad when it’s over!!

Helen x