Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Hi All, so sad to read a few of you are having a difficult time. I haven't been online recently cos I've caught the cold/flu, I'm too ill to think straight and reply properly to everyone. I can't offer any wise words , all I can say is big hugs to you all, I'm on the same boat, some good days, some bad days, some days feels like it's too much to handle and it hurts to see our loved one suffer/declining. Whatever you feel is normal, hang in there! Have a cry, let it all out and hopefully once the intense emotions have passed, the practical thinking and our resilience will pull us through. If you need to feel down in the dumps for longer, that's fine too, just know that we are here to support each other and you're not alone.

Kleigh87, sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you'll find a way to improve your financial situation, it sounds like you're doing all the right things by reaching out for help. Hopefully you'll get the grant soon. What a shock it must be hearing from the oncologist, so much going on! 

Look after yourselves everyone, all this stress and anxiety isn't good for our health. I've over exhausted myself from working, looking after my dad and worrying, now I've got the cold/flu and can't visit my dad for a few days cos he has a weak immune system, can't risk him catching my cold.

I'm not sure if we're allowed to recommend books/names on here. Thought I mention it in case anyone finds it helpful. I've been listening to a grief expect called David Kessler on YouTube and reading a book called The Grieving Brain. My dad isn't at that stage yet but it's a matter of time, his prognosis is months rather than years. The practical side of me is already preparing for grief. I'm a nerd, I always prepare things in advance cos I don't like feeling out of control. I've also been listening to some Podcast, Dead Parent Club, Grief Cast, Grief out loud. Apologies if this sounds morbid, I have family members who gets upset when I say these things. Obviously I want my dad to live as long as possible but I feel so helpless, reading up on grief makes it feel less scary for me. We all cope differently.

Big hugs to everyone. We are here for you. Take care x

Bless you you get all sorts thrown at you at the start we were told the same then told it had been there for years Just focus on  getting him well and not to look ahead  our hospital was 40 miles away and had to ask people to take me as I do not drive gave petrol money until I couldn't ended up on his last hospital for 10 days only going a few times . Just take some deep breaths and have that glass of wine xx

Hi fallingleaves88

Sorry you have been feeling unwell I thought today I had really sore throat can't be ill got husband and puppy to look after think like you doing to much and worry knocks our immune system down. Glad you have found help in the books anything that can help is a good idea least you have time and hopefully will see him over the weekend xx

Hi Vicky. Men can be so frustrating, sometimes I have to stop myself saying ‘If only you had taken the test’ but I have to stop myself because it won’t do any good and will be upsetting. However I do think it and get upset. 

I hope you had a good day at the hospital and Jay was awake some of the time, pleased your sister seems a Bit better. 

I have never been to a psychic, I lost both my parents  within 3 months of each other in 1982. I did think then I might like to go to a meeting or something but never actually did it. If it gives you comfort then go with an open mind and see what happens. 

big hugs. Pauline xxx

Good evening Ladies. I have been reading all the posts and it seems everyone is having a hard time at the moment. I just wanted to send my love to everyone. Haven’t got the time this evening to do lots of single replies so thought I would just say I am thinking of you all. Pauline xxx

• Tough times for you, not sure what a Nephrostomy is. Accept any help or support offered to give you a little bit of peace of mind. Enjoy your wine tonight and hope you get some sleep tonight. It seems overwhelming the information thrown at us all with this illness.
• sending a hug and best wishes
• Helen x 

Hi kleigh. They would not tell Les how long he has had it or whether it was fast growing or not as they would not commit themselves. He did ask but they still would not commit in saying anything at all.  I must admit at the moment as I said he cannot remember and forgets things. He does not seem to be able to compartmentalise things in his head with different things but not sure if that is the chemo etc. as Pauline said get as much help as you can. PIP or carers allowance. Les has just be granted the highest PIP but was not backdated. I do hope he is well enough soon to get home and start chemo. 

sending huge hugs to everyone. Maggie xx

Thank you all for your kind words. I’m going to have a good cry and let it all out along with a glass of wine. Then hopefully wake up tomorrow with a bit more mental strength. 

Good Evening Everyone!

Well, it is with sadness and a heavy heart that I have to tell you that my beloved Jay passed away peacefully this evening at 7p.m.  I was with him at the end so I got that at least. William and I have just came home from the hospital. You know you get that feeling when you think something is going to happen well I had that today. He had that horrible gurgling sound going on you know they call it the `death rattle` when fluid and everything collect in the back of the throat and this made me think it wasn't long in coming. I went down to get something to eat not much just a couple of pre packed sandwiches and a bottle of juice I came back up and sat and watched some TV and he was still gurgling away and then suddenly the gurgling stopped and I thought he had just fallen asleep so I nudged him and got no response and I shouted his name still nothing so I took his hand but it just dropped so I went down to the nurses desk and said `I think he's gone` and two of the nurses came up and checked his pulse etc and one of thme called his name and then said `yes he's at peace`  and that was when I just fell apart. Just seems so surreal I just don't know what to do. William came as quick as he could  he like me was a wreck but he is the one that seems to be holding it together better than I. Helen what do I do now? 

Vicky x

I am so sorry to hear that Vicky but you were there at the end with him. It’s a terrible time for you and your family but I’m sure William will be there at your side to help you get through the following days. I think these next few days you just become numb with shock and can’t believe it has happened although you know it has. You are much stronger than you think! My heart goes out to you as I know what you are going through. 

Love Helen x