Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

So, sis has gone home for another couple of days. Don't really know why she is here in the first place company for me if nothing else. Just have an `empty` feeling today but at the same time enjoying the peace and quiet it's so weird. Just did a mini shop for myself there and I'm so used to adding things Jay liked and then I remember he's not here and I think well I can have all the things I liked before but he never. Little thoughts of him come into my head I remember and I have a little smile to myself but it doesn't make me sad. I know I'm greiving because my mind says I should do things but then my body is say `forget it for now`. But then they say it's ok not to be ok and if you feel you just want to sit and do nothing then that's fine. Just plodding on through the days just now trying to get things done it's that lull inbetween just now you want the funeral to hurry up and happen and get it over with but at the same time you don't and wish it wasn't happening at all. I'm having my `moments` good and bad but know its to be expected still can't believe its a full 7 days since he passed just feels so much longer than that. 

xx

Just realised that today is July 1st. Two years ago on this date Jay got his official bowel cancer diagnosis. If I knew then what I know now. Well at least it gave him more or less an extra 2 years but would have liked it to be that big longer. Such as life!

xx

Vicky you are doing so well getting everything organised it must be hard at the moment because everything you do must bring it home to you that you are now on your own. Hopefully early next week you will be able to finalise the date for the funeral and please try not to worry about people coming. As long as the important people are there that really is all that matters. 
Before Barry’s diagnosis he paid for a Pure Cremation funeral so no actual funeral to go to. I was happy at the time because it was what he wanted but not really sure how I feel about it now. I have to tell myself it is his choice. He has a phone appointment with the doctor next Tuesday to talk about his blood pressure, not sure how this will work as he won’t be able to check over the phone but at least it is a start. 

Love and hugs to everyone, hope you all have the best weekend possible. Pauline xxx

Hi Pauline my husband wanted no fuss and no funeral and we had a direct cremation which was his wishes and on the day took family for a lovely meal and had a toast at the time he passed. Everyone said it was lovely and I think I would prefer that too now. Kevin wanted Sally and I to go away for a few days afterwards ( Paul can’t travel) as we had been by his side the whole 12 weeks from diagnosis to his passing - which was so quick.

Hope you enjoy your weekend

Helen x

It’s a weird time waiting for the funeral as you are in limbo. sometimes it’s nice to have some peace and quiet and time to reflect.

Been for a 10 mile walk in preparation for MacMillan Mighty Walk in 2 weeks time, it’s so windy today but hope it doesn’t rain on the day!!

Keep going you are doing marvellously 

Helen x

Oh thank you Helen for posting this it has really put my mind at rest. Hopefully we are quite a way away from this but we really have no idea how things are progressing. I really hadn’t thought about us going for a meal in place of an actual funeral. I feel so much better now. Thank you  Pauline

Hi all I just dare not think about it. Les at the moment is very agitated with me no matter what I say or do, even my son in law noticed and was shocked.  He told his wife Lucy and she said oh yes mum can’t say anything right. 

it is a lovely idea going for a meal and a toast. 

personally I think you are all troopers.  I just feel so heavy eyed at the moment as I think it is getting to today. 

tomorrow is another day as we say.  Huge hugs Maggie xx

Yes we have funeral plans in place and I'm glad I did it at the time. It was my dad who gave me the idea to do it as he arranged all his by himself and with taking one of these plans out so thanks dad. I've not went for `fuss n bluster` Jay never liked funerals (who does) and would only go to ones he felt he had to. Just picked a simple coffin she spoke about `upgrading it` why would you want to do that? I know people like to go all out with the horse drawn hearse etc but at the end of the day they are not going to see what you have done for them but that in no way makes me think any less of him not one bit just that he wouldn't thank me for extravagence. The only extravagence we went with was his floral wreath which was William's choice and our order of service and I think it is all within our budget and our plan will cover it and anything else over it will hopefully not be much.  Jay knew too many people unfortunately for me not to give him some kind of send off people he's known for years but lost touch have heard and got back to me asking about the funeral etc. I'm just hoping this week everything will fall into place and we will get an actual date. 

xx

This is such a hard journey, I have noticed such a difference over the last few weeks. All of a sudden I have become a full on carer.  Barry used to do small things about the house but now he doesn’t even get himself a glass of water. It is not that he can’t it is really strange. It is like he has given up and thinks he is a complete invalid. I don’t mind doing it but I worry the less he does the less he will be able to do. Oh well another day tomorrow, hope for a better one.  

Morning everyone didn't get chance to open laptop yesterday my son came to visit from Birmingham then my daughter and grandchildren Simon not good but won't let me ring his bones are hurting and soo tired bloods this week so we will see. Bloody puppy flew at my son when he came in STRANGER let's bite would not leave oh my goodness it was awful but after I got the dog in time out after a while he settled and now my son has gone back they are best friends just feel so alone my son is also suffering from depression long story but in a house share dark room but all he could afford now all rents have gone up first job after university told him to come home but think he just feels alone away from his dad.Vicky you are doing great maybe not the right word but you are being strong and very brave think this waiting is like grieving not sure how everyone feels sorry for everyone on this website who is suffering today some sleep needed I think love to all of you xx