Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Morning everyone the sun is out thankgoodness so will pop into the hatden layer if still out. Been at Pauls all week with Sally and have cleared loads of stuff so think we are as far as we can be for now. Next paperwork etc but having the weekend off. Feeling a bit better now house is getting sorted. Have left all the childrens stuff until they are ready to come over and take what they want but i think a lot will got to the hospice chairty aa they have outgrown the board games etc.

hope everyone is ok and feeling a bit brighter with weather improving. You are all so strong dealing with the ups and downs so hugs to each and everyone of you

Helen x

Hi Vicky it is good that you were exhausted.  Eventually they will get back to normality. The injection did not hurt last night so getting better at it. I just seem exhausted every day even though I sleep but ectopics get on my nerves.  We have visitors this afternoon to see Les but he looks tired today.  We will see how it goes. No doubt he will put his brave face on xxxx

Hi All. I posted in the newbie forum but since this seems the most relevant one I thought I’d post here too to introduce myself. I’m 44 with 2 kids aged 4 and 7. My husband is 40 and has a rectal tumour. We are still awaiting CT and MRI for staging and to be able to put a treatment plan in place. I seem to be coping far worse than he is and I’m completely terrified about what the future holds. We are both cancer researchers with CRUK so know the reality of what we are facing. I rely on my husband so much both at home with the kids and at work and we are very much partners in both settings - co-parenting at home and co-leading a research group at work so wherever I am there is no escaping the impact of the diagnosis. The idea of having to take on additional roles in both settings while also supporting him through this is terrifying. I feel overwhelmed and completely unable to cope. I know I should try and just take each day at a time and enjoy the time now while he is still generally fit and healthy but I’m just a mess. I suffer from depression so I’m going to go and see the GP to review my meds which at least is something proactive I can do to try and get through this. But any words of support and advice so I feel a little less alone would be much appreciated.

Welcome Scientist44 . This group will offer you all the support and help you need as you find your feet .

You will slowly but surely find firmer ground . Knowledge is hard in these situations but can also help when comes to preparing for the active treatment stage . I think I read every oncology journal from one end of the globe to the other then had to pull it into a more manageable place .

A couple of tips that helped me in the early days . Simple as they are .

This one from a patient . Keep your head where your body is . Don’t let it head 

off to the future of worst outcomes . It takes practice with lots of fails but it can be helpful .

The second . What is required of me today . Not tomorrow or the next day just today . My dad had a stroke one week , my mum had a surprise stage four diagnosis two weeks later and they moved in with me for six months and I had two young children . Different circumstances but managing the children’s needs did concern me and their exposure to the process . 
Happy to say they are now fully grown compassionate adults and I am still wading through cancer care with my mum.

Good on you for seeing your own needs . Get the support and input from your GP and give yourself space to meet friends and let them help you through . Say yes where possible to help .

This place toughened me and prepared me in equal measures .

You are not alone or isolated here .

One small step each day takes you forward .

Court x 

Hi and welcome. 

I am truly sorry to hear this, 40 is no age at all for such a terrible diagnosis. My own husband was told he had a rectal tumour at 50 and I will never forget the fear you feel when hearing the news. 

We are six months post diagnosis so I’m not as experienced or knowledgeable as the other lovely members on here but what I do know is the time now, while waiting for scan results and treatments plans, was the worst. As soon as you know exactly what you are dealing with and what is going to be done you will start to feel a bit more positive and in control. Like you. I was the one who fell apart, constantly crying etc. but I think that is a perfectly normal reaction to your world being turned upside down. Be kind to yourself and fingers crossed that they have caught this early xxx

Hi scientist. Welcome.  We are all very supportive on here good and bad. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer which had spread to his liver. The chemo reduced the liver ones and he had an operation last week at Newcastle. He just needs to be fit for the next operation.  When first diagnosed iwas a mess and he coped better than me. I am still a mess but now and then there is a bit of laughter. It does not matter if you know a lot about it or not everyone is different. Please just come on here, moan, laugh, anything as we are here for you. I am not very good with words but my heart goes out to you with two small children. I am pleased you are going to see your GP as that is a step forward for you.  To be quite honest I can’t believe over a year has gone by since my husband was diagnosed but we are plodding along.  Please keep us informed of his progress. Just share everything on here as it does help rather than talking about it. Love and hugs Maggie xx

Hi all. 
We have the same diagnosis as you Distraut. 
My dad has a rectal tumour with spread to liver. 
He is borderline operable and currently on Capox to shrink the liver tumours before a liver resection. 
The diagnosis and waiting was devastating but it has got easier since getting results/treatment plan. 
Sending love to you all x

Hi Court. Really helpful tips that I’m going to share with my family.

Hello Scientist44. I’m so sorry to hear your news but hope that you manage to get all of the help and support that you and your family need, and that your husband’s treatment is successful. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

My usual apologies to everyone for not having posted for a while and for any news that I’ve missed. I returned to the North East last Sunday to see my folks and am just returning to London today. My dad was released from hospital yesterday. They’ve decided that they’re not going to do anything about the spinal fracture - he’s just not strong enough for invasive surgery and the recovery period would just eat into what time he has left. Although that didn’t stop the neurosurgeons from giving my parents some false hope by announcing earlier in the week that he was going to have surgery because they had been advised of a 5+ year survival prognosis!

OT have been brilliant getting some stuff sorted for him to return home; he’s got an adjustable bed and some other mobility aids, with more coming next week. But he’s got to limit his movement to try to prolong further decline in his spine.  He had four zaps of radiotherapy while he was in hospital to try to shrink the tumours a little bit, ease the pressure and hopefully reduce the pain. He managed to put on about half a stone while he was in - his appetite was the best it’s been for a considerable time but that will partly be due to the steroids which they are tapering down over the next few weeks.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Will try to catch up on some of the posts.

Love to all x x

I’m sorry to hear your news CxO. Sending best wishes to you and your family on this scary journey x

Hi Fallingleaves88. I’m so sorry - I’m rubbish at keeping up to date with the posts on here and had missed the news about your father. I’m so sorry about your heartbreaking news. It’s understandable that it’s difficult for you. Have you got any support to help you through this difficult time? Please look after yourself. Sending lots of love x x