Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Just waiting for a date. His fissure is really painful Scarlett. Let us hope we have a little better days when at least we can sit out xx

I have everything crossed for you. 

we’ve just been told the chemo hasn’t worked, they won’t do surgery or radiotherapy but can offer a different type of chemo. Will still be capacetibine tablets but a different infusion but this one had a smaller success rate. The oncologist asked if we would like to know life expectancy but we didn’t. He was adamant he likes his patients to know as it helps them make an informed choice as to whether it will benefit them to keep trying. My heart is broken - my husband is only 51. 

The scan showed the liver/lung mets have grown but not by how much. Bit annoyed that they didn’t have that info for us x

1. Scarlett there are no words of comfort.  Your head will be in a state. Take each day as it comes. I can’t believe you have just come on here and the news is just dreadful. I am no good with words but Jkee and Vicky are so nice the way they out their words. Please just come on here and vent, get angry, just let it all out on here as we will be here for you. Please look after yourself as best you can as you will need the strength.  One huge virtual hug is needed for you. Sending you all my love maggie xx

Thank you so much, your words of comfort do help. What a cruel hand we have all been dealt xx

Hello Scarlett,

Welcome to the thread. Just reading your post. Yes it's hard to accept our loved ones have cancer. I unfortunately lost my husband last June (2023). He was on capecitabine and oxypalatin too. He got his tumour cut out in January 2022 but it unfortunately came back 5 months later after them telling him they got it all and me asking should he not get some post op chemo to stop any stray cells coming back and was told no because it wasn't necessary but there you go back it came and this time it was taking him. Sorry if I sound bitter and please don't get alarmed because I lost my husband because everyone's cancer fight is different and your husband might just be one of the lucky ones- here's hoping.  When he was told his cancer came back they put him back on chemotherapy but it had to be withdrawn because it caused him kidney damage this resulted in him having to get a double nephrostomy procedure to help his kidneys drain properly. He also needed a urinary catheter fitted and had a permanent stoma bag as part of his bowel was cut away during his operation. He ended up also enduring 4 bouts of sepsis and it was the 4th one along with his advanced cancer that finally took him on 23rd June last year. 

Just to rub salt in the wound two months after he passed my older sister was diagnosed with bowel cancer too hers though was not as bad as my husband's and it was caught in it's early stages. She is expected to make a full recovery and it getting stronger everyday. She has learning and mental health issues also and she lives not far from me in sheltered accommodation. She ironically had breast cancer 5 years ago too and beat that as well.

This is a good thread to come on to a good site overall if you just want to vent or let off steam as we all get it what one another is going through. I still like to come here even though my husband is gone and still support the other ladies going through this. Helps me to help them and they say they are grateful for me still coming here. My best wishes to you going forward with this and as the other ladies say please feel free to come here when you feel you need to. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

Scarlett10

I am so sorry you didn't get better news we go into these appointments  with positivity and not expecting to be kicked in the stomach with such bad news. my husband is 56 and Cancer has really aged him to look at but we have now decided to make the most of every second we have our puppy who is now 1 and go on walks when he is up to it and we enjoy listening to the birds and nature so different to our old life but I appreciate every second.Please ring macmillan if you feel you need to talk to someone I found crying and letting it all out helped me as Simon didn't want to talk to anyone. You are in my prayers xx

Oh Vicky, I am so sorry that you lost your husband and then to deal with your sister being unwell must have been so hard. I’m going to ask for a second opinion re the radiotherapy as I can’t understand why it’s not being offered. My husband thinks they are giving up on him because it’s stage 4 and they’d rather save the money xx

Hi Jkee,

Thats a really good attitude to have, I want to try and enjoy whatever time we have left, which I hope is years rather than months. My husband loves watching birds and all things nature so would be an ideal way to spend a day xx

Scarlet10

Your husband sounds like mine when they told us they couldn't offer a alternative chemo when the chemo effected his heart they just said said no sorry I wish I got a 2nd opinion rather then just accept it .I have learnt over the past year you have to fight for them for your love ones xx

Hi Scarlett!

I tried to go down other avenues too. I asked about immunotherapy and some other treatments. They said they looked into immunotherapy but for some reason too this would not have worked they said. I don't know if his cancer was too far gone for that or whatever. At the time when they were telling me all these things I think I was just `zoning out` and not wanting to believe it was happening. I knew fine what the outcome would be, but was just in denial I think. In the end palliative care was brought in and I didn't want to believe that was happening either. He wanted to come home for the time he had left but he was too weak they told me to be moved from hospital so he just had to stay there in the end. Please take care of yourself. Best Wishes to you. 

Vicky x