Hi all, thank you for accepting me. My husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. At present I am not accepting it, it makes me feel sick, panicky, shaky etc. it was a complete shock. Anybody else in the same situation. Many thanks
Had to call nurses out today and have been here for a couple of hours making Kevin more comfortable and changing some tablets to liquid form. Has to have a catheter done too. He has been very upset and crying and daughter and me crying cos he was!! Awful but she has gone for prescriptions and he is a bit more comfortable now. Son is coming down to see his dad and bringing me some tea. Phew what a day - I feel emotionality drained and hope for some sleep later. Waiting for sides coming today now for bed bed as his leg keeps falling out and he can’t move it!! Hope everyone is coping ok and thinking about you all xx
Dear torry take it in turns so you get sleep. You need to look after yourselves. This is just so bloody sad and quick. Thank goodness you called the nurses as I am pleased about that. Torry I have no words of comfort but as always in my heart and thoughts. You are a trooper xx
Been taking me courage to come on here. Met with palliative care nurse on Friday at the hospital with Jay. They have more or less said there is nothing else that can be done in regards to his cancer. I am devestated. The nurse was like- excuse me! the grim reaper personified and has more or less got him dead an buried now. She's coming out with stuff like he might never walk again although they'll try with him he may never be able to drive again which he hoped to do. It was as if she was `relishing` telling us all this. The immunotherapy and targeted therapies they looked at and they are not going to be options -hopes dashed again! then she was like `would you like me to get you this, would you like to me get you that` and I thought to myself there is just one place I want you to get and it begins with an F. She was like the wee `oh whoa is me the end is nigh` sort of thing. So what they are saying is it's just time for him now too and they are just going to carry on with his pain relief which he says he feels is working. Didn't have a good day yesterday. hardly went out or had anything to eat. Took the dog out when it was dark so it meant I wouldn't bump into anyone. Sis was here yesterday and she took him out through the day and is coming to stay with me for a couple of days seeing as I've got over covid now. Jay is so well within himself that is the thing and he's accepting it's going to come now. I'm not. I'm just numb and in denial. I just felt last night of taking a whole pack of tablets and hope I never wake up but that is something I know I couldn't go through with. Sis was away out last night they have nights on in her sheltered complex and she went to that so I was here on my own. I texted the SHOUT helpline because I felt desperate and was able to speak with someone who helped talk me out of what I was going to do. Just can't imagine life without Jay. Take Care Everyone. Thinking of you all too.
Morning Patty I know exactly how you feel. It’s like the end of your world. I have been awake since 2.45 checking he is still breathing. Cannot sort this cough out and daughter was all over lastnight trying to get prescriptions as having trouble swallowing now and she’s off today to find somewhere that has the stuff. Can’t understand why boots Asda etc haven got the stock we need. He seemed a bit confused this morning and was telling me someone was tapping him on the arm. Will get them to check for water infection when nurse come this morning. My eyes are stinging with crying lying in bed. He is in bed propped up and looks horrendous, which won’t be very nice for his mam and dad coming this morning but it maybe the last time they see him. It’s seems so bad and he is so fed up and now I think I want him to slip away for his sake now.’ I just seem to cry at the drop of a hat, and don’t feel like eating anything. I know I should but do t feel like it. My heart goes out to you and reach out for any help you may need. Our district nurse yesterday was marvellous and have to say everyone we have dealt with great. Even the man who turned up late lastnight with sides for the bed. Just waiting now x
Jay just off the phone. The nurses have been in to give him a wash. He's grown a beard which was never him and he looks so old with it. Asked him this morning if he shaved and he said no. He's sitting upright too he said without any pain so I suppose that's a positive. Yes I just couldn't get that palliative nurse the other day. Don't know if it was just because how I was feeling and saw her like that but to me, she seemed just to want to focus on all the negativity without being positive of anything. Jay even mentioned to her that he sat up on Friday morning for 45 minutes without any pain and she said `that's great to hear` but think there was a `but` there is always a `but`. once she left I said to Jay well she was Miss `Doom n Gloom` talk about the `Grim Reaper` and Jay said she's only doing her job and maybe needs to be the way she is. Take Care.
again I have no words for you both. I am just so shocked at how quick this disease has got to. I watch hubby like a hawk in case he gets an infection etc. please find some strength and you have to eat to keep well. At the start of all this I could not eat and as I said previously I am under 6 stone but have always been very tiny. Accept anything you can from anybody who is close to you for support and of course this forum. I certainly could not cope in both of your situations without someone to rely on. Patty I felt like you in the beginning but went to the GP to get something which she did. I am still working through but a lot calmer in myself. If you both feel you need to see the GP then go. I just can’t believe in such a short time that it has come.
I feel your pain in my heart and send you virtual hugs and love. I am sat here still not believing what is going on.
Afternoon all. Well my hubby had a really bad night and had to wake him to take tablets. Has slept all morning which of course is a worry. How are coping as I am not at the moment. As always in my thoughts xx
Had a terrible day yesterday and nurses were very concerned, Kevin was very flat and sleepy all day and they said if new antibiotics didn’t help in 24 hours things were looking very grim. I was frightened to get up this morning g as I was convinced he was gone but no he is brighter today. It’s a roller coaster and I don’t like it one bit. Had palliative doctor today and nurse and they are coming back later tonight to put driver in and will be in every day to sort it out. Our gp has also been out today. Signed paperwork to have carers in twice a day as soon as possible. Everything is so fast. He is having a sleep Now and I’ve managed a snooze. Each day is difficult but just have to deal with it as it comes. Starting to make a list of things I will need to do when it happens. I wouldn’t want anyone to be going through this but know you all are. Hope your husband is ok Distraught. I have been told today if Kevin is sleeping don’t wake him to give him his injection etc. in one way I’m pleased he is still here today but it just prolongs the agony. Have agreed he is staying at home til the end. Keep going ladies and keep in touch xx Helen
Oh Helen. I am pleased you will have carers coming in and the nurse every day. You must be at your wits end. We all keep going but in different ways. It certainly is a roller coaster for you and I am dreading that but if everyone else can do it so will I. You are all so strong. Make sure you eat as you will need all the strength you can. Have naps when you can as well. I really don’t have the words for you all except you are all in my thoughts. As usual big hugs and love. PS I had to drive today to go to the dentist something I have not done for such a long time so that did not help my already heightened anxiety. Hugs to all. Maggie xx
This something Jay wants me to do too. We just bought our beautiful car last September after having it out on PCP for 4 years and now this has happened. Jay wondered at the time if it was a good idea to buy it since at that time we had found out the cancer was back but at that time he was getting the chemotherapy etc and hoped it would help. I've not driven in about 20 years. I sat in it this morning and started it up but just did not have the courage to move it out the driveway. It's an automatic so according to Jay it's `a dawdle` to drive no changing gears or anything. I had to stop driving several years ago because I was ill myself but I'm ok now and I was relying in Jay to do the driving. His job involved him to drive too so he's been driving more or less all his life. He hopes to get home this week they have sorted out his discomfort problem he thinks he can sit up for long periods of time now and doesn't get that pain. The patches seem to be working so that's a positive I suppose. He doesn't want carers in and reckons we can work things out on our own. I just hope that's the case. Our son and our wee granddaughter went up to see him today I couldn't. I just can't see him while he's in there just now since being told on Friday what's happening. Sending hugs to you ladies too.
