Bowel cancer carers, family and friends chat

Hi Distraught!

Yes you will feel all of the above. This is how I felt when I first found out about my husband's bowel cancer. I am still like this but not so bad now I was an absolute mess when I found out until I found this site.  Please come on here regularly its a good place to `vent` `let off steam` and ask about any worries or concerns as we all get what you will be going through or feeling because we all are/or have been there and just use this site for as often as you need to. There is the `Ask An Expert` link where you can go on and ask about general help and support and you can ask a nurse anything medical related. This can be done through the online chat facility but you can phone on the MacMillan helpline too if this is your preference. Best Wishes to you all. 

Vicky xx

Hi and welcome Distraught . It is very frightening to begin with and I can only suggest you take a moment to think about your own needs and health and possibly a chat with your GP . Your husband needs you well too . The adrenaline surges really threw me off and getting some help to manage that was the best thing I ever did .

It puts you in a better position to be helpful to your husband as he works his way through this .

Bowel cancer even in a stage 4 setting is quite fortunate to have lots of different treatments compared to some other primary cancers .

If you click on my user name you will be able to read my mum’s story . I need to up date it as she is currently back in treatment but doing well . You will see she started this as a stage 4 patient back in 2009 . Some people are very responsive to chemotherapy and it can open up other options .

The oncologists like to start with gaining stability and hopefully some shrinkage with chemotherapy .

I will look out some information for you . Sometimes getting more familiar with how they can treat it helps reduce some of the anxiety around this .

Take special care ,

Court 

Just finding my way around the site. Thank you for your replies. I just feel like crying a lot but can’t as hubby gets anxious about me. I am finding it hard to eat as tummy all over the place. Not depressed but so so sad as this was totally unexpected. I rang the Macmillan line but could not even say anything.  I was told to take care of myself but at the moment I am finding it hard.  I would appreciate all the nice stories at the moment x

Hi Distraught,

Well here we go if you click on my profile you will see the start of my journey,

Im on a different journey now probably a harsher journey than I was the first time ,but somewhere through it all I find time to laugh have  lots of breaks gives me things to look forward to and see a lot of my family. 

Your feelings will be all over the place at the moment and that’s ok. No one ever expects this news or hopes they don’t and when it comes it’s a shock. 

Difficult as it is try to keep your life as near normal as you can and get out and about. 

You’ve got this and everyone is always here for you in your journey. Big hug coming your way. ️

Yes I was the very same in regard to eating many months ago but it has got better. My husband's cancer was recurrent in that it came back- sorry I know that maybe something you don't want to hear but if you click on my username you'll see my story. This time last year we were getting our lives back on track as he had been in and got the tumour cut out and no further chemo or post treatment was needed and then 5 months on it was back so this is where we are now. He has accepted it but I am in denial. It's natural you are going to cry and it's good to get that `release` you do feel slightly better once you have. I thought I was weird for a while because I was never one to cry but these days I never stop or it's so easy to set me off now. My best wishes to you and your husband on your journey and hope things get better for you. 

xx

Thank you everyone for kind words. Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of family to tally round.  One daughter in Australia and youngest has two young children and there we go. Your kind words mean so much to me. Husband is getting on with it while I feel a whimp.  I am finding this too hard to even mention the word. I don’t like leaving him on his own and he is making plans to build a garage etc. all your words mean so much. Thank you 

You are very welcome! We sound so alike. I don't have a lot of family either. My sister lives within walking distance from me but she has her own set of medical problems. She has mental health and learning difiiculties and she relies on me for a lot of things. She is independant to an extent but needs me with anything in authority stuff like that. It took over as her carer when my dad passed away 11 years ago. I lost both my parents to cancer. She lives in sheltered accommodation so she has assistance if needed if I can't be there but can still live independantly. We have a son who lives not far and he has a partner and a little girl. They both work though and lead their own lives. Yes I get what you mean with your husband `getting on with it` mine has more or less accepted it too. He is in recovery just now from developing sepsis at the beginning of this year so it's been a `double whammy` for him. He seems to want to just lie in bed most of the days now and look at his phone or kindle reader and more or less says `what have I got to get up for? ` He keeps saying to me we need to be `realistic` about what's happening in the future but I don't want to think about that. He needs to have to want to be here and I just can't read his mind in wondering if he actually does. All his cancer treatment has had to stop because of the sepsis as they think he will be too weak to tolerate any treatment at the moment. Sepsis it seems can take a few months to heal. My best wishes to you. Take Care

Vicky xx

Hi Distraught 

So sorry for your husbands diagnosis, it is a shock and will take a while to sink in but you'll get there, just try to get through one day at a time for now.

Hopefully it will give you hope that I was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in Nov 20 and I'm still kicking around!  This site was and still is invaluable to me, plenty of advice and people to talk to who get it.  

Have you met with his Oncologist yet?  That will help a lot when you have a plan in place.

Take care, Michelle x

Met with oncologist last month. My daughter came back from Australia and goes back in 2 weeks.  There is a plan with chemo etc . He starts again on 28 March if bloods are okay. The worst part is we have spent 2 hours a day travelling for his dad who passed and then his mother last year therefore no holidays. He decided to retire early as we bought a motorhome to go away with. Used it once 2 years ago and after his retirement in October I told him to see the GP but did not go til January this year and got the shock of our lives. I feel very angry and so so sad.  I am eating but feel sick all the time and losing weight. Dr put me on propranolol but not sure if that is making me worse. I am really not sure how to help.  If I smile I feel guilty or do anything I feel guilty. I do suffer GAD so anxiety is heightened.  What sort of food do you make on a low residue diet.  Again thank you x

It's a lot to deal with.  The best way to help him is to be well yourself so it's good that you have been to the Dr.  Have you friends nearby to offload to?  Maybe you and your daughter could go out for a walk or a coffee, just have a little break?

Low residue is basically a lot of white stuff!  White rice, bread, chicken etc.  Potatoes are fine without skin. He can have carrots for a bit of colour.  

Hopefully his bloods will be good and the first chemo will be underway next week.  X