Grieving for my life before bowel cancer diagnosis

Hi Rosbear,

Thanks for your post. You've been through a lot. It’s understandable that you are grieving for life before your cancer diagnosis. So many emotions to deal with... Great to know you have support around you, It makes so much difference. Living in the moment is also good. It sounds like you’re counting your blessings although that can be challenging when I expect you’d life to be very different. A positive outlook does help but it sure does take a lot of guts and determination.

I’m not a reader of books so not sure if the one you mentioned would be helpful. 

I appreciate your honesty and hope they’ll be others who respond to your message too.

Sending a big hug. Words sometimes cannot be found to help but sometimes a physical embrace can make a difference.

Hope you see some gleams of sun today.

Thanks Jeri29. I appreciate your thoughts. I will go for a physical hug today! The sun is out in Cardiff today(for now)! You have a good day too.

Thanks Rosbear, today did session 9 of 25 Chemoradiotherapy. 

Sun shining here in Cambridgeshire too. I enjoyed tea and cake with my neighbour who accompanied me today. People have been so kind.

Hope you have some more hugs this weekend. I know what a difference they can make. Have you found anyone who’s read the book yet?

Sending my best wishes 

Hi Jeri29. Hope you are feeling ok after your session of chemo radiotherapy, I don’t really know what that entails as I have only experienced chemo. Various different types with different outcomes (cluding loss of hair) I have not had a response from anyone who has read Dame Debs bowel babe book. Have tried to read sample on library app. but no luck. Don’t want to depress myself really. That is why I wanted some feedback. Thanks for your interest. Sun today in Cardiff. Rain last night. Glad you have support from your neighbour. People are kind I know. Look after yourself and hugs to you too. 

Hi Rosbear,

Thanks for replying. Treatment went fine today. Chemoradiotherapy, involves taking tablets morning and night, ideally 12 hrs apart. I also have to attend hospital each afternoon for the radiotherapy part.

When I get there I have to go to the loo and then drink 3 cups of water so I have the correct amount in my bladder. It’s quite an art..

Once I get called through about 40 mins later, I lay on the hard surface, I need to be positioned correctly so the radiotherapy hits the tumour.

I think there’s a ct scan first, then the radiotherapy. It’s all very clever, attention to detail is crucial.

Feeling a bit sore today as 5th consecutive day. I’ve now got weekend off from hospital still have to take the tablets.

Lovely sunny weather, like a summer’s day.

It must have been difficult dealing with the various treatments and side effects. Have you had support in dealing with your hair loss? What did you decide to do? I know there’s different options you could choose.

Choice is so important!  It seems like some things we can decide and others we have no control over. 

As you say you want to know more about the book to ensure it is uplifting rather than the opposite.

Did you watch the TV programme with the comedian (John Bishop) and his son on last night? I did. It was emotional but in a good way. It gave me a deeper understanding of what becoming and being deaf is like, not only for the person but their family too. 

Be kind to yourself, 

Hi Jeri29. That is quite a gruelling check list for your treatment. Everything they do is really clever, tailored to our individual needs. In awe of the science of it. Hope you are able to relax despite the soreness? I have had some truly awful side effects resulting in various hospital stays/ops. But have managed to come out other side so far. Taking a shed load of Maintenance drugs at moment including steroids and morphine.Have to keep track of them on a chart. Good job I have still got my marbles! Lost hair 3 times now.Very upsetting. Had lovely long thick blonde hair. Started with pretty chemo hats|turbans etc.But did not want to go out and about and feel like a victim with my bald head. So opted for wigs. I have about ten of them! All very much like my hair used to be. People genuinely don’t know unless I tell them.I did a lot of research and learnt all about different weaves, fit, etc.and am fully confident in them. They are not too hot and don’t blow away on a windy day! I still wear my chemo hats around the house. I didn’t watch Jon Bishop, but read about the program. He will have drawn attention to it as Rose Ayling Ellis has on Strictly and Eastenders. Good thing. Best wishes to you Jeri29. I enjoy chatting to you. Look after yourself. Keep warm.

Hi, I try not to think about life before diagnosis as it depresses me. You have been through a lot but having your family around will be a help. I was told in May that I have bowel cancer and had surgery in June. I started chemotherapy with the tablets but had to come off them because I found them difficult to take. I live alone and find it hard to cope at times, I find listening to music, watching films or reading helps. I just think about the day when I am told the cancer has gone.

Hello Cloe. I too try not to think about life before cancer. But it does creep into my thoughts from time to time especially when I see ordinary people like me going about their daily routines with no probs. Health envy I think. Like you I find music, art, reading, crosswords and light entertainment on tv helps. Nothing heavy or miserable. I was diagnosed in 2020 and have had a fair bit of chemo which I was ok with at start, but have had to stop. I feel better off it, though I know I may have to bite the bullet again in the future. Keep your chin up Cloe. I find it helps knowing there are so many others going through the same as us. Just look after yourself and use all the comforts you can find.

Hi Rosbear, thanks for your sharing more details about your life. Good to discover more about you. 

Loosing your hair 3 times must have been difficult to cope with, sometimes when things repeat they can be worse than the first time.

Pleased you found several solutions which work for you when you’re out and about and when you’re at home.

Had a mixed weekend, severe pain but not continuous, thankfully. Pain killers, cream and cold water seem to have calmed down the burning feeling. I don’t understand why it suddenly happens especially in the middle of the night!

Did watch Strictly, are you a fan? Lovely clothes as usual. I’m not sure who I think will win yet.

Good to hear you still have your marbles and you keep a chart for medication. I’m keeping a record on my phone calendar at the moment. It would be easy to take too many sometimes when the pain increases.

Hope you have a relaxing evening, ready for the week ahead.

Sending a hug.

Hi Cloe, thanks for posting. It seems like you’ve had a lot to deal with I’m a short time. It takes time to readjust. 

I hope you don’t mind but I wondered what operation you had. 

Living by yourself can be lonely at times but can be good too, as you can do what you like, when you like and don’t have to think about anybody. However, there are drawbacks too, which I’m sure you’ve discovered.

Have you got a support network of any kind?

My friends may live miles away but they’re only a phone call or WhatsApp message away. I don’t know how I’d cope without the phone!

I wonder if there could be alternative tablets for you to take which could be dissolved instead of swallowed.

May be you’ve already asked your specialist nurse.

What film would you recommend that you’ve seen lately to feel good?

Hope you sleep well tonight, ready for the week ahead.