Feeling really low

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Hi, after googling some of the  clinical stuff  on my letter, my prognosis has come at as poor and don’t seem to have much chance of survival. When I was in my consultation with my consultant he started on about prognosis and complex cancer. I hadn’t long had my op. So we didn’t go into it. I was told I was cancer free. when I saw him again to sign for chemo he asked did I want to put my body through this, so now I’m thinking he didn’t feel there was much point,. From what I read DRS and OS is very poor. I did ask to speak to  a doctor last w eek  but my chemo nurse  phoned .a s I tried to have a talk about it with my husband. She said my bowel looked healthy and there was no spread, and I was having chemo which was the belts and braces. When I said about my letter she said yes I was higher risk but they deal with that everyday.  She knows I suffer from extremely bad anxiety,  I remember after the op one surgeon said we will treat this as a chronic condition and keep a close eye on you. I’m hoping to get a call from my GP tomorrow. I have an oncologist phoning on Wednesday to talk to me before I go into my next chemo cycle. I am just on my week off, I feel unwell. I went out last night for my grandson ‘s birthday, I haven’t been out for anything  so long like sitting in a restaurant. I felt panic. I was going out every day but not in these surroundings.I don’t know how much is I fee weak from the chemo or my thoughts or just a bit of both. I just want to cope and enjoy life a bit. I’m dreading cycle 3 . Sorry for the long post. I have no pain in my body just the constant ache that I have from this hernia. I just fell low and tired so my mind won’t rest.  

  • Thank you for you reply Court. Like most people I hate taking any kind of meditation, I do get worried about addiction so a bit afraid of medication. Nelly xx

  • Bless you Nelly , I really hope you have answers soon and that you can get some reassurance. Get those diazepam down you , it will help you get some head space . And talking really helps . Keep talking to us when you feel up to it , we are with you , lots of love to you Nelly

  • Hi Nelly B, drs came around this morning one was  was very stern with me when I said I googled. He said we are giving you this treatment in the hope it doesn’t come back, and basically  never google ,if it does there are other treatment but not to keep worrying about it coming back. I just feel off I’m assuming it still the effects of the oxy stuff. Shaky when I walk. Still not a lot of energy. Just wondering what is going to happen next week or if they say I can’t have it. My husband can visit today. I hope when I get out my anxiety will be more of a manageable level. Not sure if I should take the diazepam everyday. I’m doing lots of meditation. Hope you are well Nelly. Thank you for your reply sending hugs xx

  • hi Gemmary, I do love these illustrations, I will ask my daughter to sort me out the book. Thank you. X

  • If you do Facebook or instagram Charlie is on them as well. Facebook is where I get some of these as they are not in the book. Hopefully he will bring out a second one!!

  • How are you doing now, ? Any better? ((Hugs))

  • Hi Gemmary, thank you for asking, I have felt the full effects of the fatigued. I thought being off the tablets I would be feeling better, but I feel a bit wiped out. I’m going into see my oncologist on Wednesday. My heart is fine so I think they are going ahead with the last infusion. I hope they don’t keep me on the tablets longer because I missed nearly 2 weeks. Hope all is good with you.sending hugs xx