Feeling really low

  • 69 replies
  • 118 subscribers
  • 11351 views

Hi, after googling some of the  clinical stuff  on my letter, my prognosis has come at as poor and don’t seem to have much chance of survival. When I was in my consultation with my consultant he started on about prognosis and complex cancer. I hadn’t long had my op. So we didn’t go into it. I was told I was cancer free. when I saw him again to sign for chemo he asked did I want to put my body through this, so now I’m thinking he didn’t feel there was much point,. From what I read DRS and OS is very poor. I did ask to speak to  a doctor last w eek  but my chemo nurse  phoned .a s I tried to have a talk about it with my husband. She said my bowel looked healthy and there was no spread, and I was having chemo which was the belts and braces. When I said about my letter she said yes I was higher risk but they deal with that everyday.  She knows I suffer from extremely bad anxiety,  I remember after the op one surgeon said we will treat this as a chronic condition and keep a close eye on you. I’m hoping to get a call from my GP tomorrow. I have an oncologist phoning on Wednesday to talk to me before I go into my next chemo cycle. I am just on my week off, I feel unwell. I went out last night for my grandson ‘s birthday, I haven’t been out for anything  so long like sitting in a restaurant. I felt panic. I was going out every day but not in these surroundings.I don’t know how much is I fee weak from the chemo or my thoughts or just a bit of both. I just want to cope and enjoy life a bit. I’m dreading cycle 3 . Sorry for the long post. I have no pain in my body just the constant ache that I have from this hernia. I just fell low and tired so my mind won’t rest.  

  • Hi Nelly  I hope I didn’t bring up to much for you, I couldn’t believe it because of my breathlessness on my week off. I decided to walk up and down in the house 10 times on the hour. I spoke to the physiotherapist last week and she said go for short walks. I’m a bit worried to go outside because of the cold and don’t feel up to it. I want to build some stamina up because last cycle I didn’t do much at all. So when I read that was what you was doing I had to smile. I’m hoping the. Anti sickness kicks in this cycle. I’ve got it to lose but I’ve lost  over a stone between the last two cycles. I’m forcing food down to take the tablets. I’m eating healthy food. My husband is roasting chickpeas they are so nice. I was a bit of chocoholic , so I thought I would have a chocolate mouse just for a treat it tasted disgusting. So now I’m getting the funny taste from food so I hope that goes.I’m doing a lot of podcasts in the hope something sticks in my brain. My son is coming to stay with me for a week he is a certified yoga teacher, I’ve done tai chi but never been into yoga, I hope he can point me in the right direction to help me come to terms with everything. I don’t know if you tried any of that. One good thing I’m not googling anything to do with cancer. I’m trying to learn patience and know that I have a face to face on the 23rd, two days before my last infusion if they do it. I just think everyone who has gone through this is a hero. When people say that I’m brave I don’t feel it, thank you Nelly I do appreciate your response. And it’s nearly 3 0clock another 10 laps, well my for now laps. Sending hugs xx

  • Great minds with the walking LOL . I think as long as you try to do something weather it be walking inside or out it’s still something. Once you’ve finished your last chemo you will start to gradually get your mojo back . It took me 3 months to feel near normal again and rebuild my strength.I also found it difficult to eat . I didn’t enjoy food at all . I developed a sweet tooth , I think it was because like you said everything tastes different . Unfortunately I’ve kept my sweet tooth and finding it hard to loose the extra weight . Make sure you keep taking the anti sickness tablets . I even took them on my week off . Stay strong . It’s bloody hard but you’re nearly there . Lots of love XXX

  • Thank you NellyB, throat started to close last night, not has bad but it took so long to get the tablets down last night, never had this trouble before. Have a lovely Sunday sending hugs xx

  • Hi Nelly1955 , how are you doing ? I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you’re starting to feel a bit better .

    sending a hug XX

  • Hi Nelly B sorry haven’t been in touch, been in hospital since last Monday. Pressing feeling in my chest. Had acidosis in my blood and they have taken me off the tablets. My heart seems ok but I have to now go to another hospital for a mri heart scan, so I can have it done Wednesday or Thursday next week if I stay in as an in patient, if I go home I will have to wait 5 to 6 weeks. I think they just want to see if I can go back on what chemo. I asked if I’ve got to start again they said no. My anxiety is terrible. They say the cancer is stable, so I asked if it as come back they said no and my bloods are satisfactory. I’m just thinking the worst all the time. I visitor 3 times a week has to be same person. Hope you are well. They did ct of my chest and lungs at least they are clear. Sending hugs, and thank you for thinking of me. Xx

  • Oh no ! That sounds rotten , I’m so sorry your going through this . I’m glad they are on the ball though and doing all the tests . I ended up going to hospital twice with chest pain and it was reassuring they did all the tests . They even did a chest X-ray . I’m sure the anxiety makes symptoms worse . It really is scary what that stuff can do to you . I really think they should of lowered your dose after your last cycle , that might of helped . Really hope you start feeling better , lots of love 

    Nelly XX

  • Hi Nelly thank you.  I feel so unwell. They said something like a vaspospasm not sure if that is the right spelling. I have been banging on about I need something for anxiety. My gp said it was ok to take the diazepam but not to keen for me to do so. The oncologist is not keen either. At the moment anxiety is the main problem. My overthinking is driving me mad. Sending hugs xx

  • I think they are hesitant to give it as its addictive. I cut them in half and it really took the edge off . I only took one when I really thought I was going to loose it . I remember asking the doc when I went to a&e if it was okay to take them and he said if it helps you get through the treatment then take them . Really hope you get some relief soon ., take care XX

  • Hi, , I wonder if anyone can get a copy of 'The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse' to you, by Charlie Mackesy?? It helped me over the last couple of years, its the sketches I sometimes share on here. Please take care, big ((hugs))

  • Hi Nelly B, I think when I get home I will take them, I did take them before and got off them. I will only take them when I’m desperate which at the moment is most of the time. I hope they can restart chemo. just want to get this last one over and done with. Thank you for your reply. Sending hugs xx