Hello, I am Merrylegs, am feeling very emotional.
Just handed my beloved cat of 14 to be taken care of. I am 64 by the way and live alone.
Saying goodbye to my brother who lives far away and has always behaved as its full lock down. I bravely said, just in case it does not workout, Thankyou for being my big brother.
He said similar sentiments back to me.
I cannot get my around what is going to happen to me, to cut out my bowels and seal my bottom and to have part of my bowel pulled out onto my stomach and stitched in place.
It seems ungodly and like stuff of Frankenstein. But..............its the only way I will survive. Having just chemo and radiology is only temporary, plus can travel to different parts.
My dad had exactly the same surgery when I was 19, he was 60 when he died. He went back to work for a little while and then he had prostate problem.
He lay down on the floor ripped off his bag and said I want to die, I am no longer a man. My mother had a terrible time as you can imagine. but am told things have changed so much now, which I believe.
I am convinced I am going to die,( for some reason I think it may be on 30th June0 and keep on praying and saying " If I need to go now please take away the pain I am going to endure. Thankyou for my life dear lord and to my mother and father.
Yet he know what I have been like, I have wanted to die so many times through loneliness and abandonment. Now its on my doorstep, how come I am not rejoicing.
Sorry , I did warn you with the title. x to you all.
