In a dark place at the moment.

Dear Merrylegs,

I was on my way to my head and neck forum when I saw your post and felt compelled to reply.

You are definitely in a dark and scary place right now.  I think this is a very natural way to feel when faced with what you are.  Since finding out I had cancer in Feb, I have had surgery, chemo and radiotherapy.  I have been in some very dark places  but I am now out the other side.

I do know a couple of people with a stoma bag who live with it and have adjusted to it as I'm sure you will too.  The thought of it is understandably unpleasant.  I would try and not focus on the process of the surgery - let your team get on with that, just focus on this being what you need and what is going to keep you there for your cat and brother afterwards.

You have mentioned praying, keep doing that as faith will really help you through this.  I am a bit lapsed, but one very dark night I had some song lyrics going through my head - they are from 'The joy of the lord is my strength' and the line is "in the darkness I'll dance, in the shadows I'll sing, the joy of the lord is my strength.

You really can do this Merrylegs xxxxx

Hi 

I was having internet problems and in the interim juliesss came by and wrote a beautiful post .

I will only add hardly anyone ever dies during surgery . The stats are very , very low and most have other health complications . So I do hope that encourages you . The anaesthesiologist would only proceed if they classed you as safe . 

There are many posters here who felt fearful and will also be here when you have questions on adjusting to your stoma when you are safely through surgery ! You are not on your own , you have the support of this forum .

Our helpline staff are here for you too if you wish to give them a phone 0808 808 0000.

They would be happy to talk any aspect through with you .

Take care ,

Court 

Hi Merrylegs

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, completely understandable. I've got an ileostomy and I know what you mean when you say it's the stuff of Frankenstein. I view it as my badge of survival. I call it Stacey stoma. I feel fortunate that I was able to have surgery especially when so many people aren't able to. I was really scared of having the op, convinced I wouldn't survive. Decided there wasn't much I could do about it as not having the surgery wasn't an option. The anaesthetist was very reassuring and explained what would happen. It was a big relief when I woke up. You'll have an amazing team around you and great stoma nurses that are there to assist and support you through this time. Plenty of pain relief available!

Losing your cat is horrible. They'd been your friend for a long time and it's a big adjustment for you. It's ok to be sad. Anyone who's had a pet will understand.

I think it's normal to think about death when you have cancer. It's very easy to say don't think like that or be positive when you don't have it.  When you say now it's at your door, you're not rejoicing, I think that's because you do want to live and are worthy of living a happy life. Maybe you could look at joining some clubs or adult education classes. They're a great way to make friends. There's an app called Nextdoor that's community based and has lots of social stuff. Having a stoma is a good talking point. Maybe do something with your brother. He may not have said the right thing but sometimes people don't know what to say. 

Before I had cancer, my life was a bit rubbish. I've decided that if I've gone through something life changing then I'm going to make sure it changes my life. You can too! 

Cheryl x

So sorry I think I read the bit about your cat wrong. I've still got chemo and perimenopause brain!

Cheryl x

Hi Merrylegs, 

I have a stoma, I have had it 12 months and I live a normal active life. I have recently been in hospital with an obstruction but am now well on the mend and am going back to work tomorrow. I can eat most things with care as long as I chew everything thoroughly. I can wear normal clothes and unless you know it's there you cannot tell. I had never seen a stoma before I had mine and was actually surprised how neat it all was.

I had a large tumour removed and a right hemi colectomy, chemo, radio and immunotherapy and have recently been told that I have no visible cancer. 

i am so sorry that you are in a dark place and worrying about pain. This is a scary time, the unknown is very frightening.  Your team will ensure that you are pain free after the operation and will make sure you have medication to take home with you. I have never had any pain apart from tummy cramps as the bowel started working again.

You will assigned a stoma nurse in hospital and they will make sure you are confident with cleaning your stoma and changing the bag. All the supplies you will need can be delivered to your home. 

I hope you can talk through your fears with your team or the helpline on here, people have found them invaluable. I have a great team who answer all my questions and are very upfront with me, which I find good. I have great faith in my consultant, hopefully you will have too and you will start to feel a bit better when your treatment starts.

There is always someone on here to talk to. 

I hope you find peace with your faith.

Take care xxx

god bless you, you have been a comfort to me for simply listening to me.  So thankyou. 

Godbless you

I think you maybe a good mate for me in whats going on.  ~Thanks

Thenkyou, I  was eking out my heart and you responded, that makes you special.

Thankou for your insight and love