Bowel cancer returned

Yes I am 74,I presume you are a lot younger, my problems started in September 2017

I hope you are able to have op ,I had to go on chemo for about 6months to shrink mine and it did.

I was so relieved to be offered the op, I just put my life in there hands I trusted them implicitly, I knew they would look after me.

Take care best wishes 

I am 56, so really can't accept my oncologists dire predictions. I hope I can prove him wrong.

Glad to hear you are doing so well now. 

I only had my right hemicolectomy last November and reoccurance only just discovered 3 weeks ago.

Hi Gaul,

Oh no! What a pain, I was looking forward to hearing your adventures. It is so annoying when that happens. Hope you didn't have to be in the jail too long. It must have been pretty scary!

Sorry not to have replied sooner I saw your message in my emails then couldn't find which thread it was in to reply. 

It is good to hear you are sleeping well I am sure the brandy helps. I am not too good at going to sleep early, as my brain is too active and I should put my phone out of the bedroom as I keep looking things up.Once I am asleep though I don't wake up until around 9 ish.

I had my hair cut today, around 3 " off all over. I thought I would start going shorter as the chemo will probably make it fall off so it won't be a pain to pick up off the pillows ect. 

I also listen to radio 4, I always listen to the Archers!  And the book at bedtime. I find it relaxing and it usually sends me to sleep. 

Good luck with your GP apt tomorrow. Hope you get things moving along . I have managed to get a face to face apt with a GP. ( Not until the 31St Dec though). I am debating weather to get a second opinion but don't want to hold up the treatment planned already. 

I hope you get some news from the Birmingham hospital soon. I am sure you will decide on what is right for yourself as long as you have all the information you need to make an informed decision. Give yourself time to weigh everything up. 

I don't watch too much telly lately as I am finding it hard to concentrate. My mind keeps wandering away from the programme and I don't find much to watch anyway. I am thinking of getting Amazon prime or netflicks. 

Going for a walk in the park, with a few friends and their mad spaniel, tomorrow morning. It must be lovely having a dog. My parents have a black lab who is lovely, and 2 very spoilt cats. One of whom is totally deaf. I am going up to visit them hopefully next week. 

I hope you will be pain-free tomorrow on your walk and feel better. 

Take care of yourself, 

Hi Lou, 

There's no shortage of adventures - I even try to look on my cancer as an adventure and look forward to regaling people with my lucky escape. (I spent 2 weeks in open prison in Chad - I've also spent overnight locked up in Bandar Abbas in Iran, which was scarier.

I slept nearly 10 hours last night, nearly unheard of for me. Ridiculously, I feel guilty about sleeping for so long. On the subject of ridiculousness, my welly shoes have arrived which I ordered from Amazon. I bought them so that I don't wear out my welly boots. The shoes cost £12.99. I bought the Welly boots in a sale about 3 years ago for £230. I was also driving a Porsche back then. Now I'm poor and drive a 13 year old Ford. I couldn't care less - honest.

I have had a shaved head for 33 years so I'm not too stressed about losing it.

Radio 4. Anything BUT the Archers! Reith Lectures with Mark Carney (Wed 9am) is an excellent programme (less so when that up-himself, cross-dressing potter is in the chair - Grayson Perry) Although I think Eddy Izzard is brilliant.

I had my phone appt with the doctor this morning and learned nothing. She not unreasonably said she didn't know and that I should contact my colorectal nurse. I've already done that - she said to be patient and take paracetamol. Humph.

If I got pay-to-view TV I would be watching F1 and too much football so I'm not doing it. I spend ages talking to a handful of friends in Australia and France (I've lived a total of 20+ years in those two countries) on WhatsApp. Thank god for WhatsApp.

Dinner with brother and partner this evening - my big night out! I enjoy it - we do the crossword together over a couple of glasses, eat and then I'm home for my bedtime 8.30pm. I lead a wild life! 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. 

Gaul. 

Hey Gaul, Grayson Perry is from my home town you know!! He is quite a strange character it's true and has an alter ego called Claire.

I went to a talk he gave once at the local university, it was quite interesting he was talking about status symbols and class markers. Yes I do like Eddy Izzard too. 

That's good news you had a long sleep. I can easily sleep for 9 to 10 hours, but try to get up around 10 at the latest for HUTH! Only joking.

I had a nice walk today with a couple of friends and Milo the crazy spaniel. It was pretty muddy in places. I can't imagine paying £230 for wellies that are going to be covered in mud, I just wear my old meile walking boots which cost me £50 (in the Field and trek sale) about 18 years ago, and still keep my feet warm and dry even through puddles. What on earth are welly shoes? If they are short wellies be very careful you don't loose them in the mud. I am in a walking group and last December we were crossing a very muddy field and at least 5 people were stuck fast and one lady lost her welly shoes and fell down in the mud! It was very funny. We had our dinner in the pub afterwards, bit embarrassing. We must have looked a sight. 

I spoke to my colorectal nurse today as I got an apt letter for my oncologist in January and I had no idea what it was for. She said it was a review apt as hopefully I will be on the chemo by then. I called up the chemo dept also and they said they will try and get me an apt soon. Ugh so not looking forward to it. Maybe I will shave my head beforehand, be like Sinead O' Connor. 

I hope you enjoyed your dinner with your family. Which crossword do you do? My 83 year old Dad completes the cryptic telegraph crossword everyday. I wouldn't have a clue.

Keep on keeping on, that's all we can do at the moment, 

Hey Lou,

Also the Telegraph cryptic. Unlike your dad, if I get a couple finished in a month, I’m happy. When I do it with my brother our hit rate is nearer 50%. Good mind fodder. 

No matter what I’m doing it’s nearly always accompanied by turning my little problem over and over and over. I look at the neat scar on my stomach and find it hard to reconcile that with the life threatening stuff going on behind it. I also say to myself that my fate is my fate and the bit I can choose is how I deal with it. Whereas I shall do what I can to find an escape route, if I fail I want to go through this with dignity and humour and more and more I don’t want more surgery. I haven’t fully recovered from my op and chemo fifteen months ago. Another op will further weaken me and it doesn’t come with any guarantee - so what’s the point. All I want to do is outlive my parents who total 193 years between them. I also want to outlive my nearly 14 year old, three-legged dog Banjo. There, that’s got that off my chest.

I’m not really in the mood to type any more. I’m not depressed, just not really in the mood. I don’t do depression. The other thing is that if I take a break and don’t finish and send this now I might lose it in the void - like before.

I think I’ll have another small brandy and ginger wine. Why not?

salut

Gaul.

Hi Gaul, sorry for the late reply. How are you doing today? just wanted to have a bit of a break from cancer over the weekend. I know it is difficult to get away from it but I tried. Your dog sounds lovely, one of my Irish aunties used to have a three legged dog called Lucky. I think he had been in a car accident as he had a bad habit of chasing cars.

I have been called for my colonoscopy this Sat so I will have the bowel prep soon. Not looking forward to it really.

Do you watch Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse's fishing programme on BBC? I laughed a lot and also cried a bit.

Brandy and ginger wine sounds nice, hope it helps you sleep. I like ginger wine on it's own when I have a sore throat. 

I have to go and get my washing off the line now, as just noticed it is pouring down. Ugh.

Keep on going on, 

Hi Lou,

I suppose that the positive side of your forthcoming colonoscopy is that it’s a necessary part of the treatment and they’re getting on with it. I’m still hanging for results of my scan from Birmingham - meanwhile the colorectal nurse says take paracetamol which to me is like putting sticking plaster on a gunshot wound. 

I have dual nationality Brit/Aus and in these idle COVID times I’ve been webbing and found an app called ClinTrialRefer seemingly based in Perth WA. It’s got loads of trials on offer, very case specific but one or two of them seem (I don’t understand the terminology) to relate to me. The next thing I think is that if there’s that much on offer to a country of 20-odd million, there should be three times that many trials in this country. The colorectal nurse said there’s plenty here. My brother in Perth and a friend in UK both rely on and are happy with the monthly jabs they have at the hospital to keep them alive. It’s true that neither have bowel cancer but, well, who knows. Grasping at straws? yeah, maybe.

I don’t know who Bob Mortimer or Paul Whitehouse are - should I? - I’ll answer that - yes.

Dont apologise for not replying quickly - only when you want to - we’ve both got other things to think about.

Good luck Saturday - don’t forget it’s a necessary part of progress. Smiley face.

Gaul

Thanks Gaul, 

Yes I have been searching through the Web also re trials private treatment also. I have also been talking to people on the bowel cancer UK site which is quite interesting and some good success stories of people who have been given a dire prognosis and are doing well. I wonder what jabs your brother and friend are having, sounds good. 

I am about to start the bowel prep for my colonoscopy soon. Should be fun!! I don't think. Unfortunately it is an afternoon apt so I will miss 3 meals. Doh. Nevermind hopefully by this time tomorrow it will be all done. Dreading it I am hungry already. Time for some bovril and maybe apple juice for a treat. 

I didn't have a great day yesterday, well everything was fine I was enjoying a good walk and about 5 ish the chemo ward rang and offered me an apt on Christmas eve! : ( 

I declined the offer and they have booked me in for the 22nd Jan, so hopefully I'll be OK. Just want to have a good Christmas with my sisters and families. It would ruin their Christmas also, I just can't do it. Surely a few weeks can't make much difference.. 

I feel absolutely fine at the moment. 

Basingstoke hospital rang also and they said they have put a letter in the post for me explaining their decision. It seems to come down to the " node" in my RT lung. Which may or may not be cancer. Bit concerned really. I am going to ask the surgeon on sat if I am awake enough to speak to him. 

I hope you are OK and the pains are not too bad now. I know what you mean about paracetamol, how about cannibis oil? I have heard that it helps. Don't know how you get hold of it. Maybe Holland and Barrett or other health food shops. 

Take care and yes you should know about Bob and Paul. Their Christmas fishing show is very funny, if you have that sort of sense of humour. 

Lou 

Hi Gaul, 

What a pain, I wrote a long reply and thought it had sent and it's vanished into the ether somewhere. 

You may get 2 messages now. Nevermind. 

I hope you are OK and the pain is easing off. Can you try cannibis oil, I heard it can help. I think you can get it in Holland and Barrett or other health food shops may stock it. 

I am currently on clear fluids and start the bowel prep soon. Fairly hungry at the moment. I will have some bovril and apple juice soon. Ugh 

The chemo unit rang me yesterday evening and they said they had a slot on Christmas eve for my first chemo therapy session! I declined the offer. Hopefully it shouldn't make too much difference. I have another apt on the 22nd Jan, they are struggling to get people in due to having to move out of their usual ward into a portacabin and there is a backlog of cancer patients newly diagnosed since covid hit.

Very sad really. I had my covid swab yesterday and haven't heard anything back yet so hopefully that means it is negative. 

Take care of yourself and yes you should know Bob and Paul. I think they are hilarious I don't know why. Strange sense of humour probably. 

Lou