Yes or no...

I had my colonoscopy on 27th January. Urgent biopsy was sent there and then. CAT scan was 9 days later.

Both results came in on 13th February. They were discussed the next day by the MDT  - 14th February.

I received a phone call that afternoon and was given an appointment to see the consultant surgeon on Monday 17th February. 

He went over my results. A further colonoscopy is arranged for Friday 21st February to prepare for an operation. The operation is scheduled for March.

The waiting period was really difficult and I alternated from the most hopeful scenario to a hellish outcome. However, I listened to so many on this forum who gave  genuine support, Undoubtedly, I feel better as I can see a pathway ahead. Hang on and hopefully, it won't be too long. Sending love. x

I'm feeling very down today (bit of a pity party going on!) I managed to tell my brother today but he's off to India imminently to visit his wife's parents for 2 weeks. I don't talk to other family members and my friend is not well either. Feeling rather alone with it all and frightened they are going to tell me I'm dying. Its over the top thinking, I know, but its where your brain takes you at times like these...

I'm sorry IonaF that was a very selfish response to what you've just told me. I do hope your operation goes well. It does seem they tell people fairly quickly; its just hard to keep distracting yourself when you are alone. Sorry

I know where you are coming from. I managed to put a brave face on for my husband and adult children. On my own, I went down every rabbit hole and visualised the worst outcome. I was almost choosing the hymns for my funeral!

A close friend of mine had just gone through the same situation last year with her sister. She is now through the operation and a short course of chemotherapy. She requires no further treatment. I felt I could talk to my friend honestly and she provided me with a lot of information and advice.

Reach out here. It is a safe space and almost everyone has been in your shoes. We all may stumble at times but somehow we find a strength we never knew we had. Keep going. X

It was not selfish at all and you have nothing to apologise for.

I listened to podcasts and watched television that didn't require any brain power. 

I live in the country and took comfort in the subtle signs of Spring. Be kind to

yourself. X

Hi Barbiesnemesis  how you are feeling is totally normal, we have all been there. I had colonoscopy 14th December, CT 23rd December, met consultant 27th December.  There was a question mark over a liver lesion so MRI 8th Jan, final results 10th Jan. I feel lucky things were quick. I really hope you hear soon. I thought I had seen my last Christmas.  I still have moments of sheer terror but as Iona said, it does feel more manageable with a plan. 

What helped me? Mindless TV, podcasts, jobs around the house..... I kept working but wasn't up to much. Walking too. Going out, getting a take out coffee, anything to distract me until the phone call came.

Don't suffer alone. Access your Macmillan nurses for a chat. And of course we are here, no apologies ever needed!

Xx

I’d usually do that myself, spending short spells outside with the dogs or trying to help with the horses. Love the countryside compared to city life these days! Mainly as always kept myself to myself really & it’s helped with the anxiety/daily pain levels previously… makes me feel less “disabled” as a lot of my issues are invisible!

right now I am struggling to stay positive just looking forward to any date given for a follow up!

feel so alone yet this community’s great, so supportive! As is the cancer research uk forum. I’ve also joined bowel & bladder support groups where possible- it helps discussing with others that have or are going through similar- gives me peace of mind! 

have any of you figured out being able to stay in contact via the message part on here?

I keep losing the threads to reply, gets confusing whilst feeling so brain dead

how is everyone feeling today? My stomach has decided to do the reverse after several days bunged up… laxido & dioctyl daily are only helping so much although have at least had some appetite this week- progress! Yet still weight goes up then back down literally day to day…

does anyone else also find this currently as a symptom?

thanks 

Love C Xx

Hi,

In the past, I have always thought that resilience meant being courageous and brave.  Now I feel it is just about keeping going even when you feel everything is unravelling. Somehow, we find the strength regardless of the weight we feel inside,

Hoping that it isn't too long before you have a follow up. Do you have a link person  e.g. specialist nurse that you can contact? I found that very useful. She kept in touch and I could phone her any day. 

Haven't figured out the contact thing on here. However, you can bookmark threads if you wish. Click on  ' Bookmark this thread' and I think it will notify you when someone responds.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. X

Hi Country_Bumpkin I’ve attached a link how to add someone as a friend so you can private message them. 
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/a/help-pages/c/private-messages-and-friends/HP14/how-do-i-send-a-friend-request

If you click on the persons name that you want to be friends with then it will take you to their profile page then click on connect+ and you can send them a friend request. Once they’ve accepted then you can private message them from the same button. When they’ve replied a number 1 will show in the speech bubble at the top right of the screen which you can click on to open your messages. 

I too am much happier in the countryside.  Hope your stomach settles Country_Bumpkin . Mine is OK at the moment but anything can set it off really.

I find huge comfort being in touch with others who have similar experiences.  It can be so difficult and feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like I have been erased, which sounds overly dramatic.  But my life now is so different, not working, not doing much at all, waiting for chemo, a lot of time solo, which can be tough. 

But Iona is right re resilience.  It is about just keeping going. We all have a tendency to be really hard on ourselves. 

Best wishes xx