Depression

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Hello Everyone!

I'm so sorry to be a nuisance but I looking for some advice. You all know me already with my husband Jay's cancer journey. Today he broke down in tears and finally admitted he has been in a really low mood over the last couple of days and just been on a real downer. He starts his chemotherapy treatment this coming Friday so I'm putting it down to that. He feels everything is being put on top of him and he says he feels he has to run after everyone while he's the one who's ill. He won't leave the house again unless it's to go out in the car. I've asked him to go for a walk but says he can't walk far. His back is seizing up he says it feels stiff but not painful but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. We got that wee bit of good news about his kidneys n that perked him up a bit but he seems to have gone back the way again. He says it wouldn't have taken much for him this morning to 'end it all' he was this way a few years ago when it was his work that was causing it and he went for counselling which worked I asked if he would consider it again n he said no. Those here that have followed my posts will know about our son William's 'car saga' which is still ongoing and Jay still has to run him up n down to work 35 miles from Glasgow. So I think everything has just got on top of him and it's all suddenly blown up. I would like him to 'move more' as I said before this all happened we were going to the gym 3 times a week but with Covid that had to stop because everything closed down then the cancer happened. It says you can do light exercises with cancer but he's not interested he thinks because he can walk round the supermarket with me again supporting himself with the trolley. He says starting the chemotherapy is not bothering him but I know it will be. Other than be there for him I just don't know what else to do. I spoke with my son and he's more or told him the truth he needs to try to move more he still has a slight stumble when he walk but I don't know if that's because he's not used to walking here where we are now iat the caravan is perfect for walks most of it is flat ground but he won't even attempt to try and I feel he's doing himself more worse just sitting all the time. What can I do?

Vicky.

court over 2 years ago

Hi PattyK

Thats such a shame but totally understandable. Firstly I would speak to his GP as he needs to have this assessed to see if some intervention is required .

Macmillan has teamed up with Bupa to offer six free counselling sessions . Whilst I hear that he is saying no to general counselling this might be an opening and is limited to six sessions but relating to a cancer diagnosis. Our helpline staff have more intervention. 0808 808 0000.

To be honest I think it’s understandable that he is feeling he is a solution to his sons car issue yet having to face chemotherapy that could potentially debilitate his ability to carry out the task . That must be a terrible pressure .
Does your son have a plan B as it is possible that he might not be able to drive him . My mum could not have driven but he might be fortunate and not have any symptoms. Once he starts treatment he will get a better feel of what he can achieve .

I have asked Macmillan to see if they have any input as it’s not an easy one to resolve .

Take care ,

Court

Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

PattyK over 2 years ago in reply to court

Thanks Court! Yes it's a bit of an emotional time for all of us. I know his head will be all over the place just now as is mine. He is saying to me none seems to ask him what he wants or needs and I've told him we can't guess or know what he needs if he doesn't tell us as were not mind readers. One of the things he likes doing is cooking the kitchen is his domain and he love experimenting with foods he watches a lot of these cooking programs on TV his favourite chef is James Martin. But there he said n one offers to make lunch or dinner for him but in the past if I did it it was never right so I just take it for granted he wants to do it. He gets all creative with dinners n.me I just throw stuff in a trying pan or into the microwave etc. My late dad used to say that Jay has found his niche in cooking. He's dyslexic so where he's not great at words n writing he makes up for this way they say that tho that dyslexics can be very creative at certain things and then they say everybody's good at something. Thanks again court for listening and replying

Vicky x

PattyK over 2 years ago in reply to PattyK

Thanks Again Court!

I got a response from the community help team today? They are more or less saying that if need be they are there to speak to. Jay is very private though so I don't know if he will be up for that but I'll put it to him anyway and then just leave it up to him if he feels he needs to speak to someone. In saying that he said he feels a whole lot better today and said he feels it was something he just needed to get off his chest yesterday and to clear the air. He back to his wee `one liners` and jokey comments so he knows himself he's a bit better and so do I. I'm thinking there maybe days he will be like this especially for what is to come with his treatment etc so i'll be keeping my eye on him. If he can get over to his `happy place` (the caravan) more often I think he will be fine. Thanks so much again Court. Take Care.

Vicky x