Weepy

I sincerely feel for you - & what you are going through right now; but believe me - that with time, & with your treatment plan in place - you will feel better, & just go through the hoops & deal with each at that time - there is no other choice!

I can well remember that shock at the time....denial, not wanting to see friends, (even hiding in my house when they called!) not wanting to talk about it - the whole gamut of emotions. But somehow, you go to the appointments, you go through the treatments, the operation....& eventually...you come out the other side - & you realise you have gotten through! That strength comes with time - I think that everyone on hear - in the initial stages of diagnosis - felt weak & vulnerable.

Sending Hugs.

Marianne xx

Hi momof4

i was diagnosed exactly 1 week ago with colon cancer ( accidentally told by my GP’s receptionist) I am due to see my consultant and team next Wednesday for treatment plan and options etc.

I too feel as if I’m on that same emotional roller coaster. To say I’m stressed is an understatement. Before my diagnosis I was asymptomatic, felt well, was active and looking forward to our road trip holiday to North America and Canada which is due in 6 weeks. Now I feel emotionally shattered, can’t think straight, fearing the very worst and can’t concentrate on anything at all. I’m mentally beating myself up thinking why didn’t I notice that something was wrong…..quite simple because I simply did not have any symptoms that were / are conducive to colon cancer symptoms., none at all, contacted GP for something totally different. 
I am trying to keep a diary, just for my own personal reference, I find that writing things down however jumbled it may seem has helped me in this past week. Can you talk to your family? I am very fortunate that my loved ones are incredibly supportive and are there to listen to my woes 24/7

i have been told that how I am feeling is completely normal. I’m hoping that once I have met with my MDT next week and know what the next steps are,  that I will be able to focus a little better on things.

I'm determine to beat this, I’m going to stay strong……let’s do it together!

im telling myself it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to feel that life’s unfair, it’s ok to feel like crap……but I’m also trying to tell myself that I must try and be strong.

Take care.

Mamma B

Thank you Marianne, I have to be completely honest in saying this week I have felt a little crazy and just numb. I probably go through 100 emotions per day ranging from nausea to ok I can do this to fatigue to crying to just plain being scared. I got angry yesterday at my surgeon for really no reason just because I wanted to be mad at something. I am a very fun and funny person to be around and I feel like that has all been wiped from me. At the moment I don’t even know how to be. 

Believe me - when I say that your emotions will be in a whirlwind right now! Likewise, I'm a very sociable & fun loving person....but at that time - 3 years ago for me, I was in total shock - & just went through the motions of living each day & complying to all the appts. I had to have. There will be anger & tears & total numbness. I remember the pile of letters, advice booklets pre & after Op. on my desk - that I couldn't absorb at first....& could only open later that day - when I had a glass of wine to hand.

However, I also remember coming out of the fog of Fentanyl - after my Op. & finally being home after the tumour was removed. It was a good feeling!

Marianne x

Thank you so much for all the info , I am just trying to take this minute by minute and trying to wrap my brain around all of it meanwhile trying to hold it together. It’s so comforting to know othes have been or in your shoes and can walk this horrific journey with you. Many thanks to you ️

I too feel exactly the same. Diagnosed a week ago and still have the CT and colonoscopy tests to go through to know if it’s spread or how bad it is. I actually can’t believe I find myself here having to now deal with this and hating having to put my family through this. I long for the days , not that long ago where I really had nothing to worry about. Can’t help also feeling like why me! I feel such anxiety and now experiencing pain that I think is anxiety but I’m convincing myself it’s spread. Just want to know it can be treated, but also dreading what lies ahead. How did I suddenly get here. Feel like I’m living in a bubble, best wishes to you 

You are strong - never doubt that!  Everything you are feeling is perfectly natural and your way of processing news.  Looking back my husband and I would hug and fall asleep all the time on the sofa trying to deal with all the information and meetings and trying to work out how to tell the kids.

Hour by hour only.  Deal with what you have control and try not to overthink - stay away from google!  I focused on some research from court on boosting T cells through food and focused on diet to help my body fight.  Gave me something other than the cancer to focus on.  

Hang in there - as soon as you have your treatment plan, you’ll have something positive to focus on.  Xx

Believe me, everything you just said is exactly how I feel. I was told a week ago and I am still in shock overridden with emotions of denial, anger, and FEAR. It so consuming that all I can think about is the CANCER. I go to bed nauseous I wake up nauseous and I can't help but think is this cancer or just me being overwhelmed with emotion.  From what I am hearing on this forum from all the great people on it. This is normal. And I haven't even mentioned what this has done to my emotional health. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride not knowing one minute if I will be crying, sleeping, or just trying to cope. I have only been on this site for two days and the wealth of knowledge and encouragement from others on site has been amazing. I will go through a crying spell and hop on and somebody will lift me up. I know the battle is going to be tough, but I told myself I will not go down without a fight. We got this! We have to,  we have no choice not to. 

Hi Dais pop.

I asked myself the same question why me? I’ve always eaten healthily, exercised, I’m not overweight, don’t smoke and drink very little alcohol. Like you I’m experiencing “pain” it got so bad last weekend had to seek medical advice as I too imagined the cancer had spread all over. Turns out my BP was dangerously high, I was stressed and anxious, was told this is all natural. I too just want to be told that my cancer can be treated, but I’m terribly scared. Wishing you good luck with your scan & colonoscopy, stay strong and keep us posted how you get on.

sending you best wishes

Thanks for your reply and words of encouragement. This site is so useful and friendly and just what we need right now. Trying to stay positive. Wishing you all the best.