Hello I’m Steve , my elderly mom has been diagnosed with advanced stage 4 cancer to the bladder a few days ago which has spread to the lungs, and doesn’t look like chemo will work on the bladder duct and bladder section.

Dear Steve,

I have been in your situation (in both the areas of life that you mention, but not at the same time). You are right that your package will help you transition to another job and I am sure that your family here will want you not to worry about them for the moment, while you are spending time with your mother.

Now about your mother. Until you know exactly what her situation is, it is difficult to know what life for her will be like going forward. But the one thing I think I can confidently predict is that she and your HK family will be happy to see you, despite the circumstances. So I suggest that as well as getting a clear idea of what her doctors advise for her, you should try hard to make the most of the next 3 weeks, talking openly to your family about the past, the present and the future.

Cancer can be frightening both for the patient and everyone else. But try not to dwell on that. Make as many happy memories as you can now with everyone. You will talk about those in future and think about them with pleasure. And so will she, I am sure. And hopefully you will be able to visit her again in future too.

By the time my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer, in 1974, it was very late and in those days there was nothing the doctors could do anyway, unlike now. I was a student of 22 and had no idea what to do, except to rush home from university. My father, younger sister and I sat by her bed and talked to her - I wish I had thought to ask her more about her life. We cried later on back home. 

Coincidentally, I was also dignosed with bladder cancer,  2 years ago. Because of my mother I saw the gp quickly and have had very good treatment. And that is how I know that there is much more that can be done these days.

Keep in touch with this forum and if you need to you can ask us about the details of your mother's illness if you need to. Plus Macmillan has many leaflets and other information about bladder cancer and its symptoms, all of which can be accessed online and downloaded to read at your leisure.

Have a good trip and hopefully you will not find it too stressful.

Good luck,

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