Hi everyone

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So, briefly, 65 y/o, had stage 3/4 bladder cancer, had emergency radical cystectomy 2 years ago, obviously now have urostomy (Hollister bags etc). I'm pretty much used to it now, although there are odd occasions when I leak because I spend a lot of time in Spain and when it's hot and I sweat and do a lot of physical activity it can come loose and I get very little support here. My surgery in the UK are incredibly unhelpful because instead of referring me to urology at the hospital they send me endless emails asking about my requirements and not only do I find it exasperating but it takes ages to get appointments so instead I use my GHIC card in Spain, get three months' prescriptions there and make them last a year (washing, re-using etc). In particular, both in the UK and Spain, it's been really difficult to get hold of adaptors for night bags, so the few that I get in the boxes of bags have to make do. But that's ok, I'm managing.

My main reason for wanting to join these forums is sex. Obviously I've lost my prostate and many of the neurological connections to my penis, so I can't get an erection, but I still get horny as hell and I can achieve orgasm (obviously without ejaculation). It's not much fun trying to coax an orgasm out of a flaccid penis for an hour. An old friend who's a doctor told me it is often possible to achieve erection with sildenafil etc, so I went along to my doctor asking about this and received a prescription for 3 cialis 50mg (I think it was 50) at full price. They sort-of worked, but when I went back to ask about upping the dose or trying viagra or whatever, I was refused. My partner has been an angel about this, she has supported me so much, but it's just no fun for her. I'm sick to my back teeth of people telling me "it's ok, you can still give her pleasure". Yes, of course I can, but it's not a mutual, interactive thing. I've had to tell her (she's younger than me) that it's ok for her to seek sex elsewhere, I just don't want to hear about it. I can't deny her that. She absolutely refuses - so unless I can find a way to get an erection we're both condemned to a largely sexless future.

So. My question really is, does anyone know where I can get hold of higher-strength sildenafil etc (50-100mg) without a prescription and that isn't a scam? Does anyone else have this same experience? Is sildenafil better, stronger cialis, kamagra etc etc? Or am I barking up a telephone pole? Maybe this will never work? I can't be the only one with this experience.

I hope you are all living comfortably with your ostomies, that you have all been able to carry on with life ok, happily, with support. Thank you for reading, and in advance for any advice you can give.

  • Hi  and welcome to the group. I haven't had cystectomy so not much help with your supplies. Following my radiotherapy my GP prescribed Sildenafil for a while and they did the trick for me during the recovery period. Not sure if you can get stronger than 50mg. There are other products on the market which you can get without prescription which you mentioned. Hopefully some one will be along to help with their experiences. Best wishes.

    Best wishes to All,   rily.

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  • Viagra is sildenafil. and it does come in 100mg. Just need to be sure, as it puts your blood pressure up temporarily, that you are heart-etc fit for this. I would protest at the doctor. demand a second opinion, or whatever. Our blessed now retired Serbian GP was of the opinion that everyone is entitled to a happy sex life as it is good for one's overall wellbeing, and just anyway. She prescribed Sildenafil for OH long before the bc reared its head.

    Ask to be referred to the sexual function adviser who should be available as a side clinic to urology. There are vacuum pumps available on the NHS, and I believe also penile implants. If appropriate for you, you will get best results from a vacuum pump, as you would be instructed, by regular use. This tends to restore the open-ness of the relevant blood vessels with repetition, so the results should gradually improve if you persevere.

      Keep asking till you get some help. And please as one wife to another give your good lady my sympathetic best wishes.