Cystoscopy

Grinch . Hi Simon. You will find out tomorrow what is going on. A flexi scope is fairly quick and straightforward. Usually painless but slightly uncomfortable. They will talk you through things and you will see for yourself what is going on and anything abnormal will be pointed out to you. Hopefully they will be able to put your mind at rest. I hope all goes well. Best wishes.

Hi Rily.

Thank you.

Just think it will be more bad news after my melanoma diagnoses last week.

Just can't believe it.

Simon.

Hi Grinch 

You mentioned that you’ve had a cystoscopy in the past. Presumably that didn’t lead to a cancer diagnosis, so maybe this one won’t! It isn’t cancer until you’re told it is, and that’s IF it is. Hope it goes better than you expect tomorrow.

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah.

Yes I did about 15 years ago and after it I felt like I was peeing glass. It was so painful to pee after having it.

I have looked at all the symptoms of bladder cancer on line and I have all of them.

Also my GP seemed concerned and got me an urgent referral.

When I read that 9 out of 10 cancer referrals are not cancer, I just think back to the positive diagnoses I had for my melanoma last week after my referral for that, I must be that one out of ten.

My head is going to explode with all this anxiety it really is.

Thank you Sarah.

Simon x

If I went to google every time I had some symptom or other I could also self diagnose myself with multiple cancers-it will lead you down many rabbit holes. Maybe I was very unusual, but I didn’t use Google at all, ever, when I was going through the diagnostic process-I knew it would mess with my head. I waited for results and what my doctors could tell me. Google cannot diagnose you. 

I went for my biopsy results alone, having not spent the week worrying after my biopsy was taken. Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer, and then was my time to worry-but not before I had any information. And then my first question was how can you help me, what will you do about it? I went through quite a lot-my story is in my profile-but I always kept faith that I would come through-that kept me going. I am not a quitter!

I’ve had subsequent issues this year and another operation(non cancer related) last month. One of the doctors told me while I was in hospital that they see much better results through surgery and recovery with patients who maintain a positive outlook, and true enough, I recovered very well and quickly from my latest surgery. 

I hope your results are better than you imagine as I appreciate you already have a melanoma diagnosis. There are lots of positive stories in all the groups in the community here-could you try to take some encouragement from them?

Sarah xx

Hi SarahH21
I have just read your profile and goodness me , wow I take my hat off to you, you have been through so much. What an incredible woman . You are an inspiration, I was just sat here worrying and overthinking test results , your story has given me courage and strength. 
Much love to you

Angela x

Hi Sarah.

Thank you for your reply.

Like Halofan has just replied, you are an incredible and in my eyes a brave lady.

My wife would be just the same, she would not google anything, she is a strong lady.

She is always asking me at night "what am I doing on my phone" and I have to lie to her saying things like "oh just looking at you tube videos"

She is not daft at all and she knows what I am up to, she tells me to stop it almost every night.

Sorry, I don't mind admitting it, I am just a very very scared husband and dad.

I can not believe that approx 4 weeks ago I was in Lanzarote with my wife and our 3 boys and having the time of our lives all was well with the world, I felt fit and healthy and now i just feel like a shadow of the man a was just a few weeks ago.

This may seem crazy but at the moment I feel so ill inside and outside its as if this cancer has actually taken over my body in the 4 weeks we have been back in this country after having my first biopsy for my mole / melanoma on the 12th September.

I wish i could be much more like you Sarah I really do as you are truly amazing.

Take care Sarah and thank you again.

I wish you luck in everything you do.

Simon x

Hey Grinch, Its ok to be scared, we have all had to learn to deal with the ‘what if ‘ question. I learned to recognise that I kept asking myself that question, then i learned when i did , instead of going on the internet I would distract myself with something else in order to keep the anxiety from escalating .Its not easy so I wouldnt  give yourself a hard time ok. The very best of luck tomorrow with your cystoscopy

much love Angela 

Thank you Angela for such lovely words, but I see myself simply as someone determined to get through, and give everything my best shot. If it’s helped give you a boost, then that’s brilliant! 

I never once lost hope-there’s always hope until there isn’t any left is my view. There’s no doubt that when my cancer recurred I was in a very precarious position, but I trusted my team, and have always had the philosophy of what will be be will be. Certainly I’ve been scared at times, but I’ve never lost that spark inside that kept me going. 

Sarah xx

Simon, what about giving your phone to your wife at night to hide away so that you at least can get some sleep? Of course you’re scared, that’s very natural, but maybe try and make things a bit easier by not spending the night on Google? It’s ruining your mental health.

I flip the “what if” question if I find myself going down that road. Instead I try to think What if it’s ok? What if this is something simple which can be easily fixed? 

I did that a lot this year when I was ill again and fearful of my cancer recurring yet again. I had to force myself not go down that path in my head, and in fact it wasn’t cancer but something completely different. I was scared though, and I completely understand  the fear. But as one of the ladies in another group on here frequently reminds people, “thoughts are not facts”. Hold onto that if you can Simon, and you will know more tomorrow. All the best.

Sarah xx