Living with a partner who has had Bladder Surgery

Hello Avj

dont worry your not alone, I feel just the same with my partner 

he is so stubborn, and will not listen to reason, I feel that I am constantly nagging him, but for the right reasons which he can’t see.

but when he’s in pain or having problems with his catheter or bowels he tells me he loves me and that he’s sorry that we are going through this.

I think it a form of denial he’s finding it hard to come to terms with, yes I have my moments of despair and depression, especially at 1 - 3 or four in the morning when his catheter has blocked again and I’m waiting on emergency services to come.

luckily we have five dogs that takes my mind off things and they have their needs as well.

 I have found recently though that he can be humored by a fresh cream cake . (to eat not thrown at him ha ha).

kind regards x

I'm afraid I don't have any gems of advice, but it is important to realise that depression is common after this type of surgery. The role of carer is a difficult one. Just as in any aspect of wanting to improve matters, the general advice is to praise any good behaviour & try to ignore the bad. Keep talking, to try to understand how he is feeling, explain how you feel without being accusatory or critical. Maybe suggest some pleasant activities to boost his well-being. If you have real concerns about his mental state, then you may need professional help. Best wishes.

Hi AvJ

Hi Avj my husband also stubborn. Has heart failure  diabetes and still smokes  eats the wrong food and watching Judge Judy on the loop. I've just had TURB yesterday and I keep promising myself that I will try to focus on me and get back to swimming and friends.  I notice that if I do the things I need for my soul food  it helps  and then I'm not focusing too much on my husband.  

Hi Avj, have you signed up with your local Carers' Association? You are definitely entitled to, what they offer does vary from place to place but likely you will have access to eg a coffee cake n chat group or the like. There you can sound off in safety to people who also know what it's like. Some offer phone chats, some pamper sessions, check it out. There's also a Carers' group on here, they might have tips for you too.

Hope you find some support where you are, 

Denby

Hi Avj,I remember feeling very depressed at this stage post op.By 8 months I suddenly felt so much better mentally and physically.I feel for you both it’s not easy.Does your husband have a stoma ? It’s worth getting some medical advice if things don’t improve.I took up art and genealogy and having an interest did help.Hopefully your husband will start picking up soon.Best wishes Jane