I’m on maternity leave & husband diagnosed with bladder cancer

Hi Raft22 and welcome to the group. Sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis, and especially at this time for you. The early days of uncertainty and not knowing can be the worst. When your husband gets his biopsy results and a treatment plan is put in lace, things tend to get easier as there is something positive to focus on.

It is not uncommon for people to have multiple tumours and it still be non muscle invasive. Even if it is invasive, it can still be treated successfully, one way or another. I have been clear for several years for T3/G3. 

In general, many bladder cancer patients can look after themselves in many ways, especially if otherwise fit, and tend to need more emotional support rather than physical support. I attended most of my treatments on my own, If you would like to talk to someone in person, the free Mac helpline is always available on 0808 808 0000. You will find them very friendly, informative and helpful. 

We know cancer affects not just the patient, but has far reaching effects on friends and family. Always someone here to ask questions to or just talk. Best wishes.

Thank you so much for your reassuring words. I am so pleased that things are going well for you. 

Hi Raft22,Welcome here,we are all here to support you and your husband.I expect your husband will be assigned a cancer specialist nurse when he gets his results.Ask any questions here there is usually someone who can help.Love Jane xx

What a worrying time for you. We are all familiar with the shock of diagnosis, fear of the uncertain future & worrying wait for results. This is only natural, but at least the cancer has been detected and is being addressed. The presence of multiple tumours is not necessarily sinister. My brother had multiple low grade, I had one small high grade. 

Once you get the results from the TURBT you will have a clearer picture of what lies ahead. Rather than ask for referral to MacMillan nurses, I would seek a local cancer support group. Your GP or the local hosp should have details - may even be a link on their website, or simply to a search online. Best wishes.

Thank you so much. We have lots of people in touch with us but it’s still a weirdly isolating time. 

Hi raft22, sorry you’ve had to join our group.
My take on your questions:

1. I had 5 tumours removed last year via TURBT and also stayed overnight in hospital. My diagnosis was muscle invading (S2 G3), and it was an almighty shock and worry to hear that diagnosis. But what seemed like the worst diagnosis at the time , with radical Cystectomy as my treatment plan, in hindsight I am pleased it went that way.
I don’t want to worry you needlessly but bladder cancer does have a nasty habit of returning, and now my bladder has been removed it can’t return (there at least!). 
Hopefully your husbands diagnosis will not be muscle invading and he, like others on this forum, will have regular checkups and mange it that way.  Just please do not think it’s the end of the world IF it were muscle invading.

2. My wife did provide a lots of practical and emotional help to me, but it was not all consuming. She carried on working and the care I needed was mainly transport to appointments, food and drink and most important someone to talk to. There were plenty of hours in the day for her to do other things (looking after her elderly mother who lives nearby, feeding our teenagers!, and some well earned lounge time in front of tv).
All medical bits I took care of.

Crying is good. Don’t bottle it up. Use your friends and family (and us) to vent .

cheers
Chasam

It is isolating but hopefully that will improve with time.As an ex psychiatric nurse I think it is better to cry and express emotions.You don’t have to be strong all the time.My sister supported me but we shed a few tears together and a lot of laughter too.My partner helped too,he chatted late at night on the phone in the weeks before my surgery.The waiting around for results and tests is never easy.It’s a good idea to keep hospital letters.I asked for copies and kept a note at the top of each appointment letter of who I saw and what was discussed.Things tend to pick up pace once a treatment plan is in place.This is a friendly group and we will help you both as much as we can.Love Jane xx

Thank you so much. I will have a look in to local support groups. My only concern is not being able to physically attend anything because of having the children with me. 

Thank you so much for this. It’s always so reassuring when people have positive outcomes and to hear that life can hopefully continue with some normality along the way.

I think the fact that our children are so small makes things a little more tricky on a practical level but hopefully we will find a positive way through it. I just feel like I could do with there being two of me so as not to let anyone down. 

Hi Raft22, I know you don't want to be here, but it's the best place to be under the circumstances.   I'm another multiple tumours, & since 2012 I've had anything from 2 to too many to count. They call them dots as that's all that they are, & I'm looked after so well that they never have time to grow any bigger that a dot.  

It is such a worrying time for you & your family, we've all been there & understand only too well.  When my dad was ill I used to go & visit him, but I'd head straight to the bathroom first & have a good cry.  Then I was ready to face the world with my performance of a lifetime, it worked very well for me.   So cry if you feel like it, you'll feel a lot better for it.  

I really don't know what I'd've done without this group on here.  The Macmillan helpline is brilliant too.  Remember we're all here for you xxx