Depressed but a disgrace

Kenzie 1 hour ago

1 reply
52 subscribers
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Hi. I just want to offload but I am not looking for a reply. I’m 82, have NMIBC., (so far) and have had 6 BCG infusions and I am now awaiting the Cystoscopy that follows on from that to see if the cancer is still there. Should it not be, should the BCG be working, (again so far) then it is onwards and upwards. But, I have serious doubts about that. I feel so low and I am not looking after myself. Sitting here with a whisky and lemonade, not long put a cigarette out (one of the causes of bladder cancer is smoking) and wondering why I am trying to kill myself. I seem to need the whisky and cigarette to feel alive. My brain needs them. My body does not. I do know I am not deserving of the attention the NHS is giving to me. No-one needs to tell me that. Please everybody and anybody, don’t comment on my posting. Bad night for me.

Simon C25 1 hour ago

Sorry you are, feeling like that. But don't give yourself a hard time, yes, smoking might well be the cause but no guarantee it is that, that has caused it either. Tbh at 82 I'd be more inclined to have the attitude I've hot this far, aid it why stop now. But certainly stopping now could improve your chances of recurrence along with all the other health problems it can cause.

Nothing wrong with venting and I very much doubt you will get anyone berating you here, the help here from perfect strangees brought together by a nasty disease that does not discriminate who it attacks.

Its not a nice journey at any age but do always reach out for, support you are never alone if you do. Here with friends and family with McMillan with your GP everyone can give you some amount of support.

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Much love and hope to everyone past future and present.

I also hate autocorrect and hope people can make sense out of my posts when it changes half the words I type.

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Depressed but a disgrace