My mum has been to see her oncologist today and she’s been told there is nothing more can be done. I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready for this and I’m scared for her. It’s absolutely breaking me x
Hello Ariel, I am so sorry you have heard this frightening and painful news about your lovely mum. My heart goes out to you and I wish I was more knowledgeable, to offer you the right help. I would suggest if you called the Macmillan support number the nurses would have more understanding of things you maybe could be doing that would help you.
scroll to the bottom of the page for the number of the support line .
Sending you love to comfort you, hold tight, they are people that can support you and give you strength.
So sorry that you are all going through this tough time. I hope your family are able to share close and loving times now to hold in your memory. Trust your mum will be receiving quality palliative care, maybe her CNS will advise? Sending love Hxx
I wanted to respond sooner but wasn't sure what to say. You see, as well as having bladder cancer treatment myself 4 years ago, as a young girl I was in your position when my mother was diagnosed with untreatable bladder cancer.
The way I coped then - when she was in hospital - was to keep talking to her, with my younger sister and father, neither of whom could say much. Most of what she and I talked about was totally unimportant but now I wish we could have talked about things that mattered - her memories, things she wanted us to know, how she felt and if there was time (in her case there wasn't) things she wanted to do, people she wanted to see and places she wanted to go.
Those days nobody talked about bucket lists but they are common now. As others have said, it is a good idea to build memories as this time is precious.
I hope you have a chance to do this together.
And for myself, if I were your mother I would want to know what palliative care will be available for the future, what treatments are available to keep me comfortable for as long as possible. And how long they estimate I have with a reasonable amount of fitness. But one needs to be aware that such forecasts are impossible to do with any certainty. And indeed, some patients can survive for longer than the medics expected (and sadly others cannot).
Thank you for replying. Unfortunately she’s not well enough to talk about much. We apparently don’t qualify for help at home so at the moment we’re trying to look after her ourselves which is very hard. We have district nurses coming out every few days and they have been really good but that’s all we have at the moment xx
Dear Ariel, I'm so sorry to hear this - it must be very hard for you all. I'm sure the district nurses are helpful in that they will see many patients and families like you and may be a useful source of information as well as making sure your mother is comfortable.
Looking after her at home must be hard physically and mentally. You can only do your best at the time and be kind to yourselves.
