A bit of a meltdown

Morning Phil, You have had a worrying and frightening few years. Hopefully you can receive the appropriate treatment for your bladder cancer and move forward. There are many on this forum who have had excellent results and live a good life after having bladder cancer. In my case I found invaluable to be honest and straightforward with my children about my cancer. It gave me strength to persevere with the treatment I endured. Of course sweet grandchildren were told Grandad has a poorly tummy. The eldest grandchildren now who are 15 and 16 know about my cancer and can see I am well and the chemotherapy and radiotherapy did work. Reach out you will be surprised that your family will understand and be fully supportive. Garviv

Thanks for your support found this forum a big help Phil. 

Hi Phil,I’m sorry you are feeling low.It’s hard caring for someone close when you have cancer.I was full time carer for my late mum who was disabled when I got cancer.If you have family or friends that can help tell them you are finding it hard.You and your wife are going through a lot and deserve some support and help.You need some time out when you are a carer.I hope you will reach out and if someone offers a hand take it.Love Jane x

oh Phil, you have had such a stressful time, I am sure you feel physically and mentally exhausted. If you feel unable to share with your family, I wonder have you reached out to chat with the macmillan helpline to talk to one of the nurses . They may be able to offer advice/support or just a listening ear to help you get through this low patch. sending you a hug and wishing you all the best . You will get through this Phil, and we are always here to help. Take care x

Hi Phil, Angela has said just what I would say, try the Macmillan phoneline, 0808 808 00 00, open I believe 8-8 seven days. They may also have advice on how to go about sharing more with your family if you do decide it's time to do so.

The other thing is, have you registered with your local carers' association? Everyone is legally entitled to a free Carer's Assessment, to see what your own needs are. This is not selfish, it is for the good of your wife as well as yourself that you are supported more. What's offered varies a lot from area to area. But might include coffee meet-ups, training sessions eg first aid or safe lifting, telephone chats, trips out for both of you, sometimes pamper treatments...If you can. it would be good to hear how you get on.

Best regards, 

Denby

A carer’s assessment is helpful.I was able to get help with mum after the surgery.

Hi

Welcome to this very supportive group. I'm not going offer any advice at the moment, as I feel other members have hit the nail on the head and I'd just be repeating other wise words.  However, feel free to spill the beans on anything, it's an anxious time any support helps. You'll always find someone here to lend an ear, so don't be a stranger.

Thank you Denby x

Thank you for your help  all the  best Phil 

Others have suggested very useful options but no-one has mentioned the Macmillan Bladder cancer groups. I'm in London and the Macmillan centre at University College Hospital has a regular meeting where bladder patients can talk either online or face to face with the helpers and other patients. I haven't used it myself - busy at that time - but they may be what you need or could perhaps put you onto other patients groups nearer to where you live.

I also try not to show weakness but my family come to my appointments and we discuss the cancer and how I feel. Maybe if you could ask for specific help when needed - you have a lot on - they might realise you could do with their input. You might be surprised if you could show them what you need.

All the best

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