Let’s go back to the weekend before Valentine’s Day, myself and the wife were looking forward to a nice meal out… just before we was due to leave I needed a quick wee before we set off.. BAM!!!!!! A toilet bowl full of claret looking urine….not a little bit, it was flowing out of me….ive never been so scared before in my life…called the wife to have a look..the look of horror on her face told me that she also thought this wasn’t good. It was a Sunday night so we rang 111 for some advice, they told me to book an appointment tomorrow to see my GP…that was the longest night of my life… next day we got an appointment with my GP. He tested my urine sample and told me that the strip is indicating that there was NO blood in my urine even though it was a dark red colour… he tested it again and got the same result. I was positive now that it was just a UTI…. Doctor told me that they would send off the sample for testing just to double check.. a few days had passed and the blood in the urine had stopped, I was so relieved…then a call from the doctor knocked me back down to rock bottom, the lab results had come back and there was blood in the urine, he had referred me to the urology clinic for a fexi cystology…as an urgent case… I spent the next week or so, counting down until the dreaded day..I turn up at the clinic not knowing what I was going to have done, I was walking around in a daze, still convinced that maybe it’s a UTI..it wasn’t… I spent all of the procedure with my eyes closed just praying that it was all going to be ok…. The consultant told me to open my eyes, I did…he showed me a mark on my bladder, he told me that he couldn’t be 100%. sure but he thought it was cancer…. I asked if it was life threatening to which he replied, not at this stage… I was numb, I remember just laying there in disbelief… i got up, and got dressed, I felt so alone and helpless. I left the hospital and then realised I had to tell my wife…that was a phone call I’ll never forget..she rushed home from work and we spent the rest of the day trying not to cry and trying to think of the best outcome…and then, the silver lining that I was hoping for.. a Tv add for Macmillian was on, which lead to me this wonderful web site…you guys have kept myself and my wife going and I love you all for it… the rest as they say is history ( on going) so two TURBTS later and onto BCG#4, I feel positive about the future…
just needed to get that out there…
Nigel xxxx
You have written about your experience with such clarity of the emotions you and your wife experienced, it was almost palpable Nigel. Then you get to the bit where you find some solace in the sanctuary of this safe space, with these lovely people. I feel just the same as you. Fellow travellers on here have propped me up and steadied me when i was too scared to even think. I love it that you feel positive about the future. Your post is quite uplifting.
Much love Angela x
Hi Nigel,
It's crazy how thing's can change in our lives so quickly eh..
The blood in my wee wasn't red, so took a little longer for me to take things seriously. I thought I was dehydrated. Got more concerned as time went on.On my flexible cystcopy I knew something was wrong when they asked if my wife was with me.
It's numbing being told you have a tumour. You get so much information at the beginning but it's all literature, black and white with no reasoning, you do feel very lost. The chats with the consultant's get lost as it's hard to take in. This forum has soul, real experiences, real stories if you know what I mean.
My first thought was about my family, my wife's sister passed away with cervical cancer a few months before my diagnosis. I just thought she'd have to go through all that again with me. The knee jerk reaction is to think the worst I guess.
I found my way onto this forum, posted threads that the usual forum users had probably seen 100s of time's before. Why, when how etc. Each post was met with kind sensible replies. I then read other people's experiences, and this helped me massively, it really did. I kinda buried my head in the sand, I don't think I even paid much attention to my grading etc for month's. I just went along, even now I'm not the most up to speed person with regards to terminology etc.
Anyhow I'm pleased you found this forum also and that you're feeling positive about the future.
Take care.
Trevor
First thing I said rather me than you or one of our boys and I mean that because that would hurt me more we are really good at looking out for ourselves when backed into a corner but it does still effect those closest to us however hard we stand in the way of it took my Wife away to the lakes last weekend for a long weekend away she needed it away again next weekend making up for 5 months of putting her through it abit surveillance check up booked for September 11th they actually texted to tell me to book which I liked let’s hope it’s a good day but ready for disappointment as well as not had any installations or anything as of yet but everyone is different see how it goes
Ste
Great post Trevor,, it really is the emotional side that drains you…I still have no idea about grading ect…I remember wanting answers that very second…it just doesn’t work like that does it… a lot of waiting for procedure or results…just try to make the best of it while your waiting….
thanks mate Nigel
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