Cystoscopy six month check up

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Hi all 

I am having my first six month check up tomorrow and feel numb and so anxious. like I'm in a bubble .

I have always had three months checks before this and only the last one was clear I had G2pTa removal on 29th Sept 2020 with 3 recurrences .

I'm so anxious today and just needed to get it out , I know I'm in a better place than many of you here so feel a bit selfish posting this .

The worst thing is today of all days I want a cigarette!!!! Crazy I know . Just keep thinking there is no escape from this , is there anyone here who has survived 5 years without recurrence?? It would be great to hear from you ?