Hi, anyone.
I’ve been, so far, diagnosed with non invasive bladder cancer (grade 3 tumour, stage 1, plus a carcinoma in situ). I’ve been booked in for another MRI bladder scan and a thorax CT scan on 17 September, followed up by a meeting with the oncology consultant on 30 September to discuss treatment options. Those, it seems at this stage, are the facts.
And then there are the nightmares, the imaginings, the what-ifs. Its these that, throughout this night, are keeping me awake. My husband is snoring by my side and I don’t want to wake him. I'm 75, he’s 81. He is being so supportive but he needs his sleep!
So here I am, writing once again in this forum, from which I’ve already had so many excellent pieces of advice not to mention great the emotional support. I think what has precipitated this awful night was a discussion i heard yesterday on LBC radio about cancer; the gist of it was that there is still no cure, and though each cancer is different, most people still eventually succumb to it and die of it. I had thought that bladder cancer was/is treatable and not a death sentence, but this radio discussion really upset me. With my current diagnosis, do I have a good chance of surviving this? My oncology nurse told me that my treatment options are probably going to be BCG treatments or bladder removal, and this is what the consultant will discuss with me on 30th September. But what if (there I go again with the what ifs, but my mind is deep in that quicksand right now) the upcoming MRI and CT scans find more cancer..in lymph nodes, even breasts……what then….will it be chemotherapy with all the side effects……and eventually succumbing anyway…..? If you’ve been patient enough to read thus far, have you any words of advice…….or is this a very unfair question…..as none my questions are answerable when you get right down to it…….perhaps the only answer is for me to get a grip, pull myself together, take things one day at a time, etc. My intellect agrees wholeheartedly but my emotions are becoming out of control, especially this night. At my advanced age I should be more able to steady myself……but tonight I'm crumbling.
Hi hope you managed to get back to sleep for a few hours 
the nights seem to be the worse time for overthinking everything and you can get so stressed and anxious xx it can be so hard dealing with cancer ... I found myself reading everything and worrying over what was going to happen ..how long would I live with this ..it made me so depressed.. I know it's very hard but try to enjoy each day we are blessed with ..I am nearly 67 years old and so far thankfully have been OK..I have had 15 bcg treatments and many cameras in bladder to check if it's OK.. I'm hoping I will have many good years ahead of me .. try to take one day at a time ..so many people have no fore warning of illness and have no chance of treatments.. take care and keep strong love from Tina xx
That's the way xx
