Suicidal

Hello Coojee. Sorry to hear your results were not as you hoped for. It must be a shock for you and of course your wife. Being remote and not having any close support will not help. Early days yet, but when your treatment starts you will both have a goal to focus on. Talking to people helps. When you feel up to it, could I suggest you call the free Mac helpline on 0808 808 0000. You will find them very helpful. Also try and persuade your wife to call as she may feel better talking to someone outside the family. Best wishes to you both. 

Dear Coojee, I hope you will not be offended. In reaction to your post, my husband and I have [as christians] offered up a prayer that you and your wife will be able to find an effective support network despite your physically remote location. And that she will feel less desperate, and be able to enjoy what you have worked for whatever happens to you. 

In the meantime, is your wife a person who could/would use zoom or facetime to chat with friends wherever they live? We moved here to be 'only' 15 miles from one daughter/son-in-law/grandson leaving all our friends behind, and had made no really solid new ones before covid. But we have found great comfort in various zooms with people over 100 miles away that we have known for decades. Also new ones who share my rare-ish medical condition.

With our thoughts at this challenging time, 

Denby and Mr D.

Hi Coojee, so sorry to hear your news. I guess we are forced to face our own mortality when we get a cancer diagnosis, I certainly did. There are no guarantees that any kind of treatment will keep us clear. Enjoy every day has become my mantra for the past 4 years, and since then I have had some marvellous days! I think the uncertainty is almost more frightening for our families and partners than for us patients. The thought of being left behind is terrifying. Living in a remote location in beautiful Scotland sounds totally wonderful to me, but may contribute to your wife's fear of being alone without you. COVID may have had restricted opportunities to meet up with your neighbours? But rural areas do build strong communities precisely for when the chips are down (I live on the edge of Exmoor ) because at times it can become crucial we help each other. I hope during the course of your treatment your wife will get to know some local people and find friendship. At our hospital there is a "Wellbeing Centre" which offers support to cancer patients and their families. Maybe you could have a chat with your Clinical Nurse Specialist about ways to support your wife? Good luck with the chemo. Sending love to you both at this tough time. Hx 

Coojee, I’m so very sorry to hear this. Your wife must be in shock, which is understandable. I recognise some of those physical symptoms in myself when my husband was diagnosed. Did she tell her GP she feels suicidal?  If not, she needs to. It sounds as if your wife could benefit from anti depressants. The shock will have affected the chemical balance in her brain. They will really help her. You must be so worried for her as well as dealing with the illness yourself. Sending you love, strength and courage. X

Also, your medical team must be hopeful otherwise they wouldn’t suggest bladder removal. Usually with Stage 4 (I thought) they wouldn’t offer it as it would be perceived as too late to keep it contained in the bladder and other treatment  would be offered. Eg chemotherapy, immunotherapy 

Coojee, so very sorry to hear your diagnosis,.  I know it's not me going through this, but I'd think that 50% is a good chance.  Perhaps your wife may want to come on here & talk to us?  As you know it's a very supportive group.  Sorry I can't be of more help.

Thank you Rily. My mother died yesterday. My chemo starts Tuesday. My loving wife is having anxiety attacks 2 or 3 times a day. It is a troubled time. I need to find some way to ask her to phone a helpline.

Thank you for your prayer. People are so kind. We made 2 friends during lockdown. They are from Holland & got stuck here in the Highlands. They are desperately & delicately trying to help us.

Thank you. Our hospital is 60 miles each way from home. My wife cannot drive, but last Saturday, cashed in my meagre pension & bought her a car. I have started teaching her to drive (I'm an Advanced driver), but she is extremly nervous, but slowly getting there. She has many weeks to go. I hope this will give her some independence & strength.

Thank you. She has not told her GP, although she has told her GP about her new Anxiety attacks & we have just had some beta blockers delivered. She is finding it hard to sleep & her fibromyalgia is returning. She does have some anti-depressants but will not take them.