Your feelings are completely normal. Early diagnosis is frightening and difficult to cope with at times. However, things will get better. Once all your scans and tests are complete and a treatment plan is put forward then things appear a little clearer and not as daunting.There are plenty of beautiful, caring people on this site who will help you with their own experiences dealing with BC. Knowing you are not unique and other people have been through what you are experiencing now is so helpful.
After my diagnosis I thought my life was over at 62. I hadn't retired, taken my pension, done much else other than work hard for many years and was looking forward to the 10 golden years after I did retire. I felt scared, cheated and very angry that this beastly disease had chosen me. I went walking daily along the river bank, shouting at cancer, telling it just to eff right off out of my life. Some of my river colleagues heard me shouting and wondered if I'd lost the plot - looking back, they may have been right!
Yes the diagnosis was frightening, yes, the treatment was a test of endurance, yes, the recovery was long, frustrating and intensely emotional but, and this is my point, I am through it. You will be through it too, in time.
Next week sees the fourth anniversary of me peeing pure blood and that started my bladder cancer experience. Four years on, I have no bladder (no bladder cancer either), a stoma, a pee pouch, a full life doing the things that I enjoy, one that, without the treatment, would have ended unpleasantly at least two years ago.
It's ok to cry, to be scared, to be angry, to feel down. These emotions are all part of the current situation you find yourself in and all of us here understand that like no medic can.
I recommend that you spend these days doing the things you enjoy most and with the people that love you.
CB.
I may appear to be listening but in my head I'm all at sea.
I think this is the worst stage, you are in limbo not knowing what lies ahead. I can remember how I felt and it’s natural to feel down and fear the worst. Have you someone you can talk to about this, a partner, friend? It does help if you can get your feelings into the open.
The main thing is that you are not alone in this, as you’ve seen from replies to your previous post we’ve all been through various treatments and whilst it can re occur it is a very treatable cancer.
Let us know how you get on, we’ll be thinking of you.
Hi,I’m so sorry you are feeling awful.We have all been through it here and understand how scary and emotional it feels.What is worrying you the most ? Don’t be afraid if you feel you are not coping well.You don’t have to be strong all the time even though people may tell you otherwise.Each person’s path with cancer is different but we are here to try and reassure you as best we can.You may find you don’t cry or you may cry often.Do you have supportive family and friends ? I was diagnosed last July and got the most support by joining this group.My sister was a great support.Some days I was on here in a right state,especially before my surgery.The friendship and advice from everyone here was so helpful.People were happy to listen and I didn’t feel so alone.At this time for you everything is new,you don’t know what to expect and the future may seem uncertain.The good people on here have had all the tests,procedures and understand the anxious time when you are waiting for results.Sorry I’m waffling on but keep posting here.Best wishes for your scan.Sending a big virtual hug.Love Jane xxxxxxxxxx
Hi zxcv, it may be a week or so before you hear much more about results so if you can push it to back of your mind it might help. Save your energy. Treat yourself to whatever brings you comfort. Cake, chocolate, box sets, whatever you fancy will do you good. This waiting time is the hardest bit, once your treatment progresses things won't seem so bad. Sending you cyber hugs. x
It's absolutely natural that your head's in a spin. People do this, mentally go through all the worst scenarios - in a way it's preparing to cope IF the worst happens. Accept that, don't fight it. But try to relieve the tension any way you like - loud music, exercise, hammer nails in wood. When I had sleepless nights, I would listen to discussion programme podcasts - the droning speech at least stopped me tossing & turning & either they were so interesting I listened, or the drone of speech sent me off to sleep.
We're all with you here zxcv, we've been there & know exactly how it is, but it don't make it any easier for you I'm afraid as we all seem to go through the horrors of it all. I could never cry when I had breast cancer, couldn't see the point as it wouldn't change anything, & I thought I was dying anyway. Of course when I got diagnosed with bladder cancer I thought that it had come back to get me, & I was definitely dying this time. I cried all the time, & couldn't understand why the hospital hadn't told me that I was terminally ill. It took me about 3 cystoscopies & much advice from my friends on here to realise that I wasn't about to drop down dead at any moment. Yet here I am over a decade later rattling around the boards, still alive & kicking. I used to do a lot of walking, or listen to heavy rock music, singing loudly & out of tune, it helped me, although I don't know why as I never even liked that sort of music before. Just keep coming back & talking whenever you feel the need, there will always be someone here to listen x
Thanks for the information. Sounds like you're doing brilliantly. I had my scan this afternoon, so should get results un next 2 days apparently. I think its quick because they aren't doing any routine ops at the moment. So presumably what they find will depend on what type of operation ? Had your bladder cancer gone through the muscle?
