I am offloading my guilt. i do feel ashamed. I am still smoking at least 2 cigarettes a day. I smoked 20 a day for about almost 60 years only cutting back to around 10 a day over the past two years. I want to stop and yet at the same I am still wanting a reminder of the pleasure of a cigarette. Some pleasure. Enjoyment from a killer. I am hoping (praying) as I am just at the very beginning of treatment, that I have not undone any of the wonderful and anazing medical/surgical treatment I have received. I will stop. I must stop. I know you can get aides to help stop. Substitutes for cigarettes. However, I would prefer to substitute with food. I don’t want these other props. It has to be will power.
