Dealing with the Mental Side of Treatments

Hi all,  

Not sure if this is the appropriate section of the forum to be posting this, apologies if it isn't.

Whilst coming from an engineering background I feel I can cope with the treatments that come my way pretty well. The consultant explains his suggested treatment plan and I follow his instructions.

The mental side I find a little more difficult. The time after the treatment waiting for the results I find is like torture.

Whilst I am a relatively positive but pragmatic person by nature, I really struggle to be positive, on the basis that apart from undergoing the treatment, everything else is out of my hands.

As much as I have a really supportive wife and children, they almost expect me to be positive, and whilst outwardly everyone sees the positive & brave me, inwardly I am almost in another place.

I am sure that everyone struggles mentally at some stage, but would be interested to understand the coping strategies of others.



  • Hi Colin. Your words sound very familiar to me. I went with the flow as regards treatment, but at the same time found it difficult not to have dark thoughts. I was open with everyone talking about treatment. Others thought I was coping well, which I was overall, but the inner thoughts kept creeping in. The waiting is a subject that comes up on here regularly. Something most people find hard. I tried to add a bit of humour when talking to others about the indignities we go through and I think it made people more comfortable talking to me. I found this a great place to get things off my mind and found some great support here from those who understand. Best wishes.

    Best wishes to All,   rily.

    What is a Community Champion ?

  • Yes this is a part of cancer that is so hard ..we are dealing with the treatment but the results of biopsies and scans etc can cause so much anxiety... I try not to show my family how uptight I get as I know they are also finding it hard to deal with it .. I read so many posts on here about others going through the same thing and realise I am not alone ... I've  been trying to live my life one day at a time .. I am thankfully well at the moment and hope to keep this way for a long time .. I think some people I have told over the last year think that I no longer have anything wrong and it's all gone as I never mention it and that is the way I want it to be .. I have my 11th bcg treatment tomorrow morning and I am so thankful so far I have been all clear at cystoscopys but I know this can change at any time but for the moment I am not going to let this pull me down and I will enjoy my good health not worry and stress over what may happen in the future xx I am 66 years old just had my state pension ..married for 47years with 2  grown up children aged 45 and 43  ... hope all goes well for you x life can through us some hard knocks but hopefully we will get up,shake ourselves off and get on with what needs to be done physically and mentally both are equally important to our wellbeing take care love Tina 

  • Hi Colin,It is difficult and even with loving and understanding family you can still get dark days.For me everything happened so fast from diagnosis to surgery so I hardly had time to process it all.It was during the recovery that it hit me just how lucky I was to be alive.I was given a bleak prognosis.But with support from the lovely people here I was able to offload my worries and get through it.I try to keep my mind occupied with interests and I love being outside and gardening.I hope you will find this group as helpful as I did.It is good to talk with people who have been through the same experience and understand.Best wishes Jane

  • It's OK to let the mask slip sometimes, if you feel you have someone with whom it is safe to do so. Might be a good friend rather than close family. 

    In my sleepless nights, mulling things over, I used to listen to Radio 4 podcasts. Hearing the drone of voices often lulled me to sleep, or the programmes were sufficiently interesting to be distracting & stop me tossing & turning. Otherwise I guess I just kept going with all my normal activities as much as possible. Arranging treats that can easily be cancelled, tackle a physical task (if you can) on which you can vent frustration. 

    Even 10 years on & most likely cured (after RC), I am aware that I am jittery after annual check & tests until I get the 'all OK' from the consultant. 

    Best wishes.

  • Hi Colin

    It is horrible worrying about results and what ifs. 

    My family are great and supportive but you have come to the right forum. Here you can voice your worst fears. I find the people on here are wonderful 

    Love Inanna x 

    I know that I don't know
  • You are correct Colin, it is out of our hands. I feel that I wake up to a nightmare every morning & go to sleep after having a nightmare at night. Nothing is easy & the doctors don't seem to make it any easier. I am finiding it pushes me to expect the worse. The grey letters from the hospital quite literally make my wife physicially sick.

  • Hi Coojee and so sorry to hear how much your wife is struggling with all this still. Was your wife able to make any contact at all with the county carers' association? I appreciate you're in a very rural area but even if it is telephone support there should be some. I do feel she needs to try to realise that she would be better able to partner you if she had people to support her.



  • Looks like yet another post of mine has been deleted. Do these moderators know what cancer is like I wonder?

  • Thanks Denby for replying to my moderator deleted post. Katya has seem a physiotherapist twice at Maggies & she has been very helpful. However, she has now moved on to another job. So Katya is on her own again.

  • Coojee, apologies but I think your post deletion may have been my fault.

    I read your post on my phone and attempted to reply, but I think I hit the flag to moderator link by mistake.

    I can only apologise if it was me that caused this. My only excuse is that I am new to this.