Feelings

Hi Squeak welcome to the group. Yes it’s absolutely normal! How are we supposed to feel when we have been told we have cancer, Anal cancer at that! I googled why I got it and it came down to I was just unlucky. Yes we get it from sexual contact and sex happens otherwise we wouldn’t be here. I have had limited partners and was at first shocked as if you believe the Google sites it’s mostly about having multiple partners and so what if some do. I know some of my friends have had very adventurous sex lives and they haven’t experienced anal cancer so all this shame because of the word sex is rubbish. At least you have a start date and if you read a few of these blogs you will get lots of tips along the way. I was stage 2 and now over three and a half years post treatment. I’m living life and of on a cruise today for the Christmas season and apart from a couple of life changes via diet life is great. It’s short sharp and can be tough for some and not so for others but we learn along the way how to ease symptoms. Sorry I can’t say much more as I have to go. Good luck.

Julie

Thank you Jacyee12..

Hope you have a wonderful holiday x

Hi Squeak

I too have been diagnosed with anal cancer stage 2. I start the same treatment on 30th December. 

I can understand exactly how you feel, I am feeling the same.  Whilst I have only been in a stable relationship in the past 8 years before that I was on my own for 17 years, so am at a loss to understand how this happened to me.  As Jaycee12 says if you google it it implies you've had multiple partners etc. I know when I read all it has to say I felt dirty and somewhat disgusted with myself. Feeling low is normal, I have my bad days but there are always good days too. 

I wish you all the best with your treatment and there will be light on the other side! I'm sure of it, in fact I'm hanging on to the fact the loads of people seem to have treated and be cancer free! 

Best wishes Jeenie

Hi Squeak, 

How and why some of us develop cancer can never come from one simple cause. For instance, in my time I've known heavy smokers live into their nineties and remain cancer free. Getting cancer is just bad luck. And certainly not your - or anyone's -  fault. We have enough to get on with without beating ourselves up over getting it! And talking of luck - how lucky are we to have state of the art treatments that were not available even a few years ago? I started my chemoradiation treatment for anal cancer on October 14 and finished it on November 20. Since then I have struggled. But at last, after three long weeks, I'm feeling positive signs of recovery. I think it's taken this long with me because I'm in my late 70s. It's different for everyone. I wish you well on your cancer path. Banish fear and guilt! Put your faith in our marvellous NHS and look forward to a cancer free future. Rups

Hi Jeenie

Thank you for taking the time to respond..

I too have good and bad days.. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself and just focus on  getting through the treatment and coming out the other side fighting fit..

Good luck for your treatment and sending lots of best wishes for your recovery 

X

Hi Rup

Thank you for your response and great to hear you starting to feel a little better..

We are very lucky to be given the treatment and as you say banish the guilt and feeling ashamed..

Im looking at keeping myself as fit as I can before the treatment so I can (fingers crossed) recovery easier...

X

Hey Squeak. 

Thank you for your brave share... 

I am one week into my treatment and my feelings are all over the place. 

I have had several sexual partners but only been with my husband for the last 19 years.  But jeeze the first guy I slept with when I was 21 was a total tool - I think he'd slept with half the girls in the town that I was from.  And when I was 27 I had precancerous cells removed from my cervix - HPV was present.  As well as terrible early choice in men, I had glandular fever around the same time 21/22 and was super poorly - I kept coming down with tonsillitis/cystitis and I lost a couple of stone.  I think my immune system was super floored. 

Around 46, I gave up alcohol due to anxiety and stress that was a mix of work related and perimenopause. I've been on HRT for two years but I think I've been a bit stressed for the last few years.  I'd read that anal cancer can take years and years to develop... So who knows.

And now I'm not sure why I'm rambling away at you... But I think the last thing you need to do is feel any guilt - you've got enough to deal with and self love has to be a priority.  Our bodies, including our minds are hugely powerful - try not to question the reasoning and focus instead on taking each day as it comes and beating cancer.  And have an epic Christmas if you can. 

Enjoy this community too - and remember you've done absolutely nothing wrong. 

Thank you MrsBadass

I'm so pleased I shared my feelings on here and all of thd responses have been incredible..

I think it's in our nature to look for for blame and when rational can't find one we blame ourselves.. but we need to stop with the blame and focus on the beating this cancer malarkey..

I do hope your treatment is going well and you get through the other side and have normality back in your life..

Thank you for your reply and I hope you can enjoy your Christmas with loved ones..

Xx

Hey Badass - good to hear you have started treatment, stay on top of any discomfort you might have with the help of the medic staff, and keep moisturising that undercarriage!

I actually haven't told many people which was quite hard - how do you hide the fact that you've got cancer - because I read the Google stuff too and just couldn't face people; I did feel guilty. Many people said '..but how do you get cancer in your anus..?' and I just didn't want to go there, I did a lot of shrugging and subject-changing! Lots of people don't know it's HPV so didn't make the sex connection.

Anyway, as I read on here earlier, aren't we lucky to have a cancer which is treatable in many cases? 

Good luck with it anyway, and also to everyone else on here in treatment at the moment.

hello Squeak,

A cancer diagnosis is always a horrible shock and with an unusual one like anal, it's even more stressful. However, you've been diagnosed now and your treatment plan is in place; once you get started you'll feel more of a sense of things being under control.

In the meantime, I spent the weeks before I started 'in training'. Plan and buy nice things to eat, and light meals in case your don't feel like cooking or eating. Maybe think about some ginger things if you like it, as it's often helpful if you feel a bit 'meh' with the chemo. Treat yourself to some shower gel and keep it for using when you start, and buy or download books or mags for when you just want to relax, or plan some TV to watch. Get this all ready so that you are psyching yourself up to start. You may want to look at a sitz bath, it's lovely to soothe, and keep yourself clean. Read the posts on this forum, I found the practical ideas and suggestions invaluable.

This is a great treatment and very successful. There can be some side effects, but the team who are looking after you once you get started will be on hand to help. Use them, ask questions and they will help if you need it.

Try to have a peaceful Christmas, and know that by the spring you will be well on the other side of it all. 

Hugs