Hi,
My mum was diagnosed with stage 3 anal cancer in September 2021 and receive chemo and radiation as her treatment, unfortunately it was successful and the tumour spread to her pancreas. We received the news in October 2022 that she is now stage 4 and is terminal which I am finding really difficult to accept and well should I say in denial about the whole thing. I still live at home and have a nearly 2 year old and can’t shake the fact that I’m not doing enough to be the best daughter to her and mother to my own child. I struggle to open up to family and friends and I’m feeling so overwhelmed and have no idea what to say to them…
Hi 137980
Firstly welcome to the Macmillan online community although I’m so sorry that you’ve had the need to find us.
I’m also incredibly sorry to hear of your mums initial & further, more recent diagnosis. I know you’ve said your mum is now classed as terminal but have her treating team offered any further palliative treatment at all? A terminal diagnosis is such difficult news to hear & accept for everyone involved.
The way you’re feeling isn’t at all unusual, I think we would probably all feel the same way. You are obviously worried for your mum & what’s to come & add into that mix that you have your little one to care for too I’m really not surprised that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You need support! Is it delivering the news to family/friends about your mums diagnosis that you’re struggling with? Are you worried about their reaction? As difficult as this conversation is to have you can’t deal with all of this alone. Would you consider phoning the Macmillan Helpline Ring 0808 808 0000.... to speak with someone about your struggles? As well as the helpline we also have groups on the community that you may find useful, maybe this link that I’ve posted would help as you can speak with others in a similar situation to yourself, just click on the link & you can join the group the way you did this one Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum . There’s also the Family and friends forum . As Irene has also mentioned the Maggies centres are also a great source of support & information for both your mum & yourself if you have one close enough to where you live.
It’s so difficult to navigate support services when you’re struggling dealing with a situation such as your own so I hope we’ve helped a little. Please do try & have the conversation with at least one other person close to you though, whether that’s a family member or friend, as difficult as it is I’m sure you’ll feel some relief once you’ve done it, you really do need that support, don’t try & deal with this alone.
We’re here to support you however we can.
Nicola
