Husband is scared of going to hospital so in denial

I am so sorry he (and you) are going through this without professional help.  I am stabbing in the dark here, but do you have a contact for the cancer nurses where your husband was diagnosed?  Or the MacMillan helpline? They might be best placed to advise on how to proceed and get the help that he needs.  How sad that your husband had a bad experience in hospital, and it is hardly surprising he is reluctant to contact them, but this is a huge burden for you to carry on your own as his carer.  Sometimes it takes a while for answers to filter through, but hopefully there are others who can offer constructive advice.

Please let us know how you get on

Irene xx

Thank you so much Irene for coming back to me.  I’ll let you know how I get on. 

Hi Carer,

What a pickle this puts you in! Is he willing to speak to a therapist about dealing with the fear caused by the lockdown experience? I wonder if there's a medication he could take to help with the depression and anxiety about seeing a cancer doctor. I totally get the fear.

I'm just as worried about you. Being a caregiver is enormously taxing even with a cooperative patient. Are you in touch with other caregivers near you? 

Put on your oxygen mask first!

Please keep us posted.

Suz

Hi Concerned carer,

Welcome to the Macmillan online community although I’m very sorry to hear of your difficult situation & of course your husband’s diagnosis. 

I completely agree that I think either the specialist nurses or your husband’s treating team need alerting to the changes although I completely sympathise with his hesitance if he’s had a bad experience, could you speak with them & explain about the issue during lockdown? I’m hoping his doctors would be sympathetic towards this. On the flip side of this if no contact is made then the chances are things are only going to get worse & he’s possibly going to end up in a lot of pain & admitted as an emergency. Also as Irene has already mentioned you could give the Macmillan helpline a ring to actually speak with someone that could offer you some advice. Is your husband getting help with his depression? If not maybe this would help him in dealing with his situation. 

This must be a terribly difficult time for you & I’m sure you’re torn between wanting to support your husbands wishes & getting him the medical help he so desperately needs but you must make sure that you’re supported throughout this too, if you’re struggling please speak with your GP or again the Macmillan support line, hopefully they will be able to advise & get you some support in place so that you’re not dealing with this alone. 

Nicola