The EXAM

Hi Fancysmancy I'm really sorry you're going through this and that you didn't get the support you needed when you did confide in a couple of people as to how you were feeling. The last thing you need is a lecture about it!   The DRE's (digital rectal examinations) are intrusive and there's going to be an added anxiety surrounding them due to your diagnosis and the treatment you've had which does make the area sore. 

The big positive here is that your 3 month PET scan has showed good results. It isn't unusual at all for a 3 month scan to show that the tumour hasn't completely disappeared. The radiation is still working at the moment and so what we find in this group is that at people's 6 month scans the tumour has been obliterated. 

I would imagine your Oncologist will mention the exam issue but I would hope she/he won't 'call you out on it'. I would hope that they will realise there is an issue which needs dealing with in a sensitive manner. Your appointment will be a good opportunity for you to share how you feel about the exam (I know this won't be easy for you though). Remember, this exam can only be done with your consent and you have every right to ask for ways in which the exam can be carried out to manage your anxieties. As you stated above, one way could be to be properly covered and to find a examination position that suits you.  

You could also consider having a private word with your colorectal nurse just prior to seeing your Oncologist.  I'm not sure what your treating team are like but mine were only too happy to listen to any anxieties/concerns I had, I hope yours are the same.  Bev x

My heart goes out to you.  Reading your account about your anxiety brought back memories of the awful time when I was diagnosed.  It took several procedures, three under sedation and the final one under general anaesthetic, to identify what type of cancer I had.  I couldn't even answer the phone I was so anxious and my husband did most of the talking with the medical team.  I ended up getting anti-depressants from the doctor which helped me enormously and calmed me down. I couldn't have done without them, I was totally unable to function.

My rectal mass was still active at three months, it was a good result but I was really worried, however my six-month scan showed no activity at all.  This is quite common, the radiotherapy keeps working for months after it is completed and quite a number of people aren't clear at the three month check-up.  

I would hope that no member of the team would tell you off, your feelings are completely valid and they will be aware that some patients find examination procedures really difficult.  My last two appointments have been with young female oncologists and that made such a difference.  The one I had two weeks ago showed me her hands and how small her fingers were and she was so gracious and gentle.  Would it be possible to have your exams done by a female doctor?  There are also knee-length paper briefs used during a colonoscopy that have a flap at the back for access, although they aren't the most glamorous items they do help with some of the feelings of vulnerability, those combined with a blanket.

Please let all the team treating you know how you are feeling; they can't help you if they don't know.  And come back on here and let us know how you are getting on, we will all be thinking of you. xx

Sistah!!!!!

I had such massive anxiety over the 3-month exams. Literally waking up gasping in the middle of night, unable to go back to sleep, panic attacks.

My lovely gastro doc's exam was very difficult, despite her gentleness and small hands. When she inserted the camera-scope-thing I started sobbing and she finished quickly. Sure enough, I was bleeding. I had to go straight from her to my radiation oncologist, he of the enormous sausage roll fingers, but thank the gods, he said that since I'd already undergone a DRE that day he wouldn't do another.

I've got to make my 6 month appointments this week and the anxiety will skyrocket again.

When I call I plan to tell the appointment person (we never get actual nurses here) about the anxiety and ask for anti-anxiety meds to get called in, and make sure I have a driver on those days. I'm hoping I've healed enough to make it more bearable, but the fear just won't go away.

So, I'm offering you no help, am I? Just comradeship. We WILL figure it out because we have to. We need to know what's happening down yonder. We'll get through it.

Suz

I have asked my GP for a sedative and she has prescribed Lorazepam. I did explain to her my phobia. Hopefully this helps.

Thank you ladies for your experience with this issue. I was feeling like a big baby. Thanks for validating my feelings.  

In all fairness the people I confided in were concerned and I guess sometimes I just feel like it's all about me.  Perhaps I'm being over sensitive with how my oncologist might react as well. Thanks for helping me keep it in perspective. It's crazy the thoughts that consume you at times. I will use this appointment with the oncologist to try and come up with a solution.

ridetbred Yes, the waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air is real! Good luck on finding some relief and thank you for commiserating. 

Fancy xoxo