Post treatment anxiety and not started treatment yet!

  • 51 replies
  • 46 subscribers
  • 1454 views

Hi everyone

i hope you are all doing well. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago with AC after a polyp was removed which was believed to be benign but turned out to be a carcinoma. The actual size of the tumour was about 1.9mm, so pretty small, but still cancer.

As the margins around the removed polyp are not acceptable, I have been given the option of either surveillance or chemoradio, but for 23 days instead of 28, with a slightly reduced dose of chemo and radio. i am, like all of you, grateful that the cancer has been discovered and removed but, after seeing the oncologist today, I am very worried about the potential life changing after effects of the treatment. He was extremely keen to spell these out in great depth and I am now very worried about not just the treatment but also the possible problems that may come down the line months, or even years later.

I guess the things that worry me the most are that my diet may have to permanently change. I am currently a real vegetable and fruit girl, not really interested in white bread and bland food. From what he was saying, it is quite likely that vastly reduced amounts of fibre may be a necessity to prevent disruptive bowel movements. Has anyone found this to be true or can you 'train' you body back into normal eating? I am a little confused as to why the radiotherapy would cause such a shift in bowel habits so any advice on this would be gratefully received.

Secondly, and I notice that Squeak has posted about this recently, the vaginal stenosis seems to be almost inevitable and I am worried about losing the ability to be intimate completely. I know that they recommend using vaginal dilators to try and mitigate against this, but I wonder if this actually works. He actually said that it is now recommended to start using them during treatment, right from the beginning. Judging from the side effects I have read about, I wonder if this would even be possible! I can feel myself already feeling a little queasy at the prospect.

The chemo side effects sound pretty awful, but I am trying not to focus on those now.

Finally, well not finally, but finally for now, I mentioned the StrataXRT to him that has been recommended by a few people on this forum, but he quickly said that the hospital uses its own range of creams etc. I think from his reaction he wouldn't be happy for me to use it. Would I need the hospitals permission or should I just accept that I will have to go along with their treatment protocols and forget about it. I am just looking to protect my skin in every way possible so any suggestions would be appreciated.

With regards to surveillance, it seems that this is quite invasive and, although it would prevent all of the above, I wonder if eventually the cancer would return and I would have to go down the same treatment pathway anyway.

This is not turning into the best summer ever, despite the weather! Life does throw us a load of s**t sometimes doesn't it.

Many thanks for any replies and hope you are all well and that anyone who is currently going through, or recovering from treatment is managing to remain optimistic.

Jo x

  • Hi Jo,

    I'm still pretty early in the post-treatment recovery (11 weeks), but can chime in that I'm eating pretty much what I want these days. About the only thing that wrecked me was a big (heartbreakingly delicious) salad Nicoise, which I realize was perhaps a little ambitious in retrospect (haha), but other than big salads, I can eat fresh fruit, vegetables, and side salads without issue. 

    As for sex, I'm not there yet (way too tender down there). The center where I received treatment did not use dilators during treatment and instead refer their patients to pelvic floor physiotherapy at 12 weeks (I start next week). I'll let you know how that goes.

    Nicola, on this platform, had a 23-day course of radiotherapy, so I'm sure she'll share her experience. 

    Hope this helps--and I'm wishing you all the best. Xx

  • Hi firstly welcome to the forum. Im 7 months post and I eat whatever I want, during treatment I cut green veg out as I got bad wind pain but I eat it now. I didn't use dilators during treatment but have had no problems with them since. I only used the creams provided by my hospital and the ones they recommended, I did get sore and burnt but it was only an issue when walking and it was fine by about 2 weeks post treatment.  Personally I would do what your hospital tells you, mine told me off for using epsom salts and soaking in the bath. Most of us on here had 28 sessions of radiotherapy so any side affects you may get would probably be less.There is a lady on here called  whos journey if i remember was pretty similar to yours. Also a lady called  did a post not to long back about having sex after treatment. 

    We all react and cope differently with the treatment, as to whether you have treatment or go with surveillance its a decision I don't envy.

    Don't know if that's any help or not. Sending hugs. Xx

  • Hi  

    Im 4 months out of treatment now..and yes sex is painful..but im still intimate with my hubby .

    The dilators i bought can be used with no pain and i can used an Anne summers vibrator and don't feel too much uncomfort..

    It's still really early days and I'm hoping to be fully active having sex soon.. 

    Get your hospital feedback on creams.. they will give you some.. it was flamigel from the freeman road hospital in newcastle ..but I also used aveeno and e45..But dont use sudacreme until after all your treatment has finished..

    • Re the diet.. Im Pretty much back to normal eating now.. in fact I'm out tomorrow for a Thai meal for our wedding anniversary..

    Im staying positive tgat the cancer won't return..staying fit and eating the right things.. just taking one day at a time and telling cancer to fck off.. trying to live my life to the fullest 

    Try not to worry too much.. I know it's easier said than done.. this forum is amazing and the support all the wonderful people give really helps you through your journey..

    Im thinking of you.. stay positive and most of all be kind to yourself x 

    Squeak

  • Hello Dahlia68

    First of all a big welcome to the forum.  It may be small but it is mighty with lots of members helping others along the path of treatment!

    I had to think long and hard about giving a really honest answer.  But in the interests of transparency I thought I should.  In the early days, I had no options, I was stage IV at diagnosis and my (world-renowned) medical oncologist was so positive and knowledgeable that I had complete faith in her, and everything in the course of my treatment happened just as she said it would.  After systemic chemotherapy, I transferred to a clinical oncologist and went on to have the chemo/radiotherapy, and after, my life is different - still hugely enjoyable but not the same as it was.  I haven't been able to have sex (In my 70s but yes it still was regular!) because of extremely fragile skin.  I had an elective stoma last year as my anal stenosis was really affecting my bowel movements (and life).  The stoma is absolutely fine, and has been wonderful for me.  And I recently learned that I have degenerative osteoarthritis is both hips (absolute no sign in pre-cancer scans).

    BUT.  And this is really important.  None of us know exactly what our side effects will be (if any).  There are many on here who have gone back to as they were and getting on with life - having normal poos AND sex!.  In my circumstances there isn't anything I would change about my treatment and I live with the side effects (not always happily I have to admit) but then again I didn't expect to be here four years down the line.  I am 74, so please don't judge on my experience.

    Sending you a huge hug in what must be such an uncertain time for you.

    Irene xx

    PS My team had no problem with me using Strata XRT and I had very little side effects from the chemo - again not everyone's experience unfortunately

  • Hi Jo,

    Going to try address what I can from my experience so far.... I'm just finishing week 4 of treatment.

    So, firstly, the diet. I've found my taste buds have changed during treatment and mostly everything tastes like cardboard atm. I've started craving more sweet foods, but that was never me before this. In fact, I get these random food cravings as if i were pregnant! Also, can only eat little and often. I can't answer for whether my tastes will eventually return to normal, but I hope so.

    Also, wanted to say that I too am quite upset about the prospect of the dilators. It just feels so undignified on top of all else and with the soreness now getting worse, it would be very uncomfortable to use them now. My team have said to start post treatment, once I've healed enough. Advice on pretty much everything seems to vary from place to place, even within different hospitals within the UK!

    Which brings me to creams. I was initially upset that I hadn't been given flamigel when others had been given it from the start. I wanted to know why, was it a question of cost etc? Even considered buying it myself. But, like you, my nurses were a little off when I questioned it... so I stuck with their recommendations and I have to say, I'm now very happy with what is being provided. The E45 is taking care of all large skin areas and I have cooling gel that I can also mix with lidocaine, plus a steroid gel for the back passage area. Yes, at week 4, it's getting pretty sore down there! But the gels are definitely helping.

    Onto the chemo.... I was really scared about the IV chemo, but it went really ok. I was given Steroids for a couple days after to help combat the worst of the side effects. It was only a few days later that I was suddenly more tired than I've ever been! My body was so heavy and weak and I just slept a lot, but after that I was ok. I've been lucky not to have much in the way of side effects from the chemo tabs. They provide anti sickness and diarrhea tabs, but I've barely needed to use them at all so far.

    Lastly, the fear going forward with your life. I empathise with this. Was talking about it with my daughter only yesterday. I think for most cancer survivors, there's always going to be this underlying worry, what if it comes back? I know that I will be monitored for 5 years post treatment. It's is scary, but I guess we have to try focus and deal with what's right in front of us? You can drive yourself crazy otherwise.

    Just as a final note... I'm pretty sure my treatment is working, as the horrendous pain I was in before chemoradiation has basically gone. So this treatment does work! It's a really personal decision for you as you have to make it based on your own circumstances. Best of luck to you! I know your head must be spinning with everything right now.

    Jenna xx

  • Hi Jo ( ),

    Your story is remarkably like my own. 

    I was diagnosed T1N0M0 in February 2018 with a local resection offered to me as first line of treatment for a tumour a little under 2CFS in circumference & around 2mm deep. I went ahead with the surgery. Surgery was successful in removing the tumour with clear margins but a tiny area was only clear by 1mm which lead me onto a meeting with oncology & chemoradiotherapy. I was offered into the PLATO clinical trial which consisted of 23 days of treatment with a reduced dose of radiotherapy so very much like what you’ve been offered. 

    Side effects - I had little to no side effects at all from the chemo, my hair was a little frazzled by the end of treatment but that was probably a combination of both therapies. Radiotherapy, I got the usual skin reaction that was akin to sunburn, I got through the whole 23 days without many issues, I was fatigued but nothing a nap on an afternoon & early nights didn’t sort out & I had a bout of radiation cystitis which although unpleasant soon passed. I didn’t suffer any diarrhoea during or after treatment, in fact I swung completely the opposite way & had to take stool softeners throughout. My appetite was pretty good throughout treatment & I ate veggies every day (I’m not much of a fruit eater). My side effects peaked around day 11 post treatment & my skin broke down in a couple of small areas but with the cream provided & a little time things healed surprisingly quickly. 

    Changes to diet - I’m able to eat mostly what I could beforehand, although sugar & coffee seem to cause me bloating & awful gas these days & I’ve never done particularly well with bread but I don’t have an issue with veggies or fruit at all. 

    I remember having all of the worries you’re expressing when my colorectal surgeon spoke to me about my results & referring me on to oncology but 7 years down the line I’m eternally grateful that he did. This treatment isn’t what any of us would choose but it handed me my life back & I know we’re all different but my nerves wouldn’t have handled the ‘wait & watch’ approach. 

    Just to add I’m going out for a catch up with a few girlfriends this evening for a curry knowing I’ll have no issues after eating it! 

    Please just ask if you’ve any questions. 

    Nicola 

  • Thank you for your lovely reply. I'm a massive salad fan so I'd better be more cautious with portions during and after treatment. The doctor was very specific about probably having to cut down on fibre as the body won't be able to cope as well (I'm not sure why). Seems counterintuitive to what we are all told to do these days!

    I hope you are recovering well, you must be relieved that your treatment is finished and you can hopefully move on with life and put it behind you. Pelvic floor physio sounds like a superb thing, it would be great if my trust provides it but somehow I doubt it!

    I wish you all the best for your continued recovery xx

  • Thank you Bungle1, it is comforting to hear that you are doing well. To be honest, the sex thing is not my priority but it is just another thing that makes you feel like 'oh God, is that going to disappear too...like having cancer isn't bad enough, you've gotta take that away as well!' but, as you said, there is still intimacy, with or without penetration. I honestly can't see how using dilators would be on anyone's to do list whilst coping with the treatment but the doctor was a man so.....

    I am a very compliant person so will go along with what the hospital recommends in terms of creams etc and will start moisturizing now in preparation.

    I am almost 100% sure I will go for the chemoradio option as I am not convinced that there is nothing left in there. I don't want to leave anything to chance. The one thing that really worries me is what if it comes back, what happens then? These are questions for the doctors I guess.

    Thanks for your help and best of luck with your continued recovery and good health, it's really great to hear about  how you are back to norma with regards to eating as food is surely one of life's greatest pleasures xx

  • Hi   I know its easier said than done but try not to think about if it doesn't work, think it will work.  My oncologist discussed briefly with me about that scenario which he was convinced won't happen, he said it would be more chemo and then surgery if nessacary and to rest assured he would have a plan. Xx

  • Yes, you are right, positive thoughts only xx