Mental health. How do you keep yourself sane when everything around you feels like some alternate version of reality?

Hi JenW

I so get this, but I definitely think it's cause you are more sensitive/ aware. When I was diagnosed and then when going through treatment and even a little bit now it seemed like every post on social media or news article etc was cancer related. Xx

Would also like to apologise for posting yet again. I've got so much running on 'low level' through my mind, whilst trying to just be 'normal' day to day when I speak to my friends/family... I'm also freaking out that my symptoms have been there for around two years or more, but until only a few weeks ago I was reassured over and over it was internal hemorrhoids and now I'm seriously worried how this delay is going to affect the outcome. Even on the day of my op on 6th March, they ran through how they would 'fix' the issue before I was put under. They seemed confident. Then I woke up... and was in recovery for around 6 hours before anyone came to explain. I was completely out of it and fully numbed down below so I couldn't feel a thing. When they did come to see me, I was told they had found an 'ulcer' or some kind of 'wound'. It took two scans over the next week or so before I was brought back in to be given the diagnosis. This pain has become steadily worse over the past year and I've just been muddling through, telling myself not to be so melodramatic. So many people have hemorrhoids and still work and function.... (and that's not to say that hemorrhoids aren't extremely painful and affect people's ability to function normally)

I guess I'm just scared.... but I spend most of my time in what I can only describe as a very unnatural state of calm. Xx

Hi Jen,

What you are experiencing is so understandable. Once you have the diagnosis it seems that everything you read, hear and look at is suddenly cancer related. I think it’s just that we are suddenly tuned in and hyper aware. You are most definitely not losing your mind!

You had such a long journey to get to the point of diagnosis and don’t even underestimate the impact of that. I was told all sorts of things too in that process - that I had diverticulitis, a fistula, skin tags, a rare ulcer and eventually the biopsy which took almost 8 weeks to report and only found out through my gp accessing the hospital system that I had SCC.  

You have had 2 years of waiting and worrying, knowing that something was wrong. That’s a lot of stress to endure and of course you are worrying about the potential impact of the delay.

I really hope that once you start the treatment you will feel more in control, knowing that you are finally getting the treatment you need, and that it is effective. All the waiting is truly the worst part or at least was for me.

Never apologise for posting here Jen. We all ‘get it’ and are here to support each other.

Big hug to you xx