Scaniexty

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I have my post treatment scans looming end of next week and all I can think about is… 

what if it’s not worked? 
what if it’s still there?

what’s nexts?

can i physically and mentally face anymore treatment?

I worry about my job as I have been qualified as a nurse for 3 years and I love my job so much and keep worrying that I’ll never get back To work or some sort of normal life again. 

Even after treatment now around 4-5 weeks I still feel completely out of control of my life and what’s next WearyWearyWearyWeary

did anyone else have to have further treatment after just oral chemo and 28 days radiation- I am T2N1M0

i am so worried about more treatment as I’ve seriously had enough mentally and my body is battered 

  • Hi Aslu24

    oh the famous scanxiety! I don’t think we ever get over that feeling. I am over three years post treatment and still when my appointments are due I am tense and snappy and my husband always says he can tell when an appointment is due. Just driving to the hospital brings back memories. The treatment is pretty vigorous and the successful outcomes are pretty high. Sadly there will always be some that don’t get clear results. The way you are feeling is completely understandable. As far as going back to work don’t forget your body has taken a battering and it can also take its toll on you mentally. My first appointment when told there was no evidence of disease I thought I would come out jumping for joy but I was just numb and wanted to get home and put my pyjamas on and watch tv without any fuss. We all react differently and also some countries when they get the results of the first scan the treatment is still working and your insides can still be very inflamed. I am glad you have a job you love and when you feel strong enough hopefully you can start very gradually with the hours you feel comfortable with. Good luck

    Julie

  • Hi  

    I completely sympathise - weirdly I wasn't bothered about getting the scans particularly (as I knew the drill on what to expect) but it was the wait afterwards and my follow up appointment for results that really threw me.  I'm not quite 4 months post treatment and for the most part things are back to some normality.   I still have some bowel issues but not often, and I don't feel as physically strong and can still get quite tired if I overdo it.  I don't work so haven't had that to contend with, but hopefully they will be considerate and you'll be able to make a gradual return.  As Jaycee12 says, our bodies (and minds) have been through a lot - my consultant even described it as "brutal".

    I was also told from very early on that I shouldn't be surprised or worried if the first scans didn't come back completely clear, as often the treatment is still doing it's job.  So even if you don't get the results you hope this time, it may not necessarily mean that you need any more treatment.

    Will keep everything crossed for you

  • Hi lovely - the anxiety after what has been a trauma is so real!  My tumor was T2N1M0 just into week 8 post treatment and so uncomfortable I am so worried it’s going to be more cancer! But we have to be positive! 

    Bodies are amazing and we have to look after our minds too!  Have you considered getting any support to handle it all?  I have a friend who does sessions for Harmony Therapy Trust in Kent  which is for us and others to get physical relaxing sessions? Your MacMillan Anal cancer nurse mat know?  first session booked for Tuesday this week to help me learn to relax and try not to break down so often,   Also osteopath was really helpful for prolapse / other skin issue that’s came about - help is there it’s asking that’s hard as I cry a lot these days when telling people what’s happened!  

    On a positive note I have had my first day with no tears today!!! 

    As always everyone on here is so supportive keep sharing xxxx 

  • Hi, 

    im in that state of anxiety too !!! I’m 13 weeks post treatment and haven’t seen anyone till October .. even then no scans , as I was told 6 months !!! Last eve I had to ring the number at hospital .. I was experiencing extreme diarrhoea after going out for lunch with my partner .. was it food poisoning or just the body’s reaction to chemoradiotherapy ? .. take the Imodium was the reply and monitor yourself for dehydration !! More anxiety … 

    we all go through this journey feeling lost , confused and needing to ask so many questions … waiting for scan results is the worse one !!!!

    take care 

    Chrissie xx

  • Morning Chrissie I hope this slightly puts your mind at rest but 14 weeks post treatment is still very early when had this kind of treatment. The gut bio takes a while to adapt and some foods just cause this issue. It might be an idea to keep a food diary and you will find certain foods will trigger loose bowels when you never had this problem before. They put me on a FODMAP diet which isn’t for everyone but helped pinpoint triggers. I am lactose intolerant and cannot eat citrus fruits, chocolate and bread but sometimes I will in very moderate quantities. Good luck

    Julie

  • Hi Julie , 

    thanks for your advice .. I think we forget how the treatment has knocked our bodies for 6 !!! We ate out yesterday and the chicken ( I felt ) had been left on the hot plate a while … as my appetite is still poor , I managed a roast dinner and treacle pud .. so pleased with myself but then the bloated tum , constant dash to loo , took over . I managed the south of france at 9 weeks but today am drained .. it’s not easy waiting for the oncologist , the scans at Xmas and the outcome .. the support of this forum has been invaluable …

    have a peaceful week Julie 

    chrissie xx

  • Hello AsLu24

    It is very early days for you and at this stage I was still in a state of disbelief as to what I had gone through.  Those memories do fade, I promise you and life gradually looks a lot better, sometimes not quite as before but good none-the-less.  The scanxiety has stayed, I think it is part and parcel of having had a cancer diagnosis and the lurking fear that it may come back.  But it isn't quite so intense as the early days when my husband had to propel me into the consulting room, me with my heart pounding and barely able to breathe!

    The treatment is mostly successful for all but a few, and it is so intense waiting to know.  I am thinking of you and keeping everything crossed that your scans  are fine.

    Big hug

    Irene

  • Hi Chrissie

    oh goodness… really!? Why so long!?? 
    id be going out my mind. I’m in the Surrey area and they have been very good right from day 1 with appointments etc and booking of scans. Whne I have my scans this week coming I will be 6 weeks post treatment. 

    gosh I’m so scared, my body is getting better every day but it’s not the same as it was before all this started.  I have good days where I can go out and do things then some days like today where I am drained and can’t do anything. 

    my bowels are driving me nuts too and whne it starts I don’t want to be away from a toilet so have chosen to stay in today. 

    I hope you hear something soon! 
    we got this! Fingers crossedFingers crossedPray tone1Pray tone1HeartsHearts