Hi.
My mum has anal cancer unfortunately we were told it was incurable as it had spread.
She has been in and out of hospital with pain, infections, just seems like every week my mum has had to deal with something new.
We were told by her gp she was entering her final stages of life 3 weeks ago. She is at home, she is on so much morphine and couple of other medicines all she has done the last 2 weeks is sleep. The last few days she can't really move, hold her cup, etc. The last 24 hours she has been more awake but she doesn't seem like she is there she will stare at the ceiling or us but she looks right through us. One minute we get an 1 word response than next nothing. She now is trying to feel different things with her hands she will pull the bed cover up than back down, again feeling round for things, she grabs our hands and lifts them up and puts them down. But last 12 hours she seems like she is talking to someone, she told my brother he had to go to a garage, and told us we have to do what normal, then she said to me she assumes someone is deceased. It's a quiet voice so you can't always tell what she saying. Me and my brother were talking and she shouted out pardon and closed her eyes again.
I have read this can happen days before they pass, then someone said it can last a long time. I love my mum but hate seeing her like she is. We told her she needs to let go and find her mum and dad, she always said she doesnt want to live if she was bed bound and in pain. I dread my phone going in case it's my brother who lives with my mum, I know noone knows how long they have left, I wish we knew whether days or months.
I’m so sorry you & your family are going through this right now Stitch 0206 , my heart breaks for you all. We’ve just recently lost my lovely dad (10th May, not cancer related) he was placed on end of life care on the Tuesday & passed on the Friday morning. Unfortunately we didn’t really have time to get everything organised to get him home so he passed in hospital & he was fully aware what was happening up until the end which was really difficult for us all but we were warned by his Dr’s that he would possibly become increasingly confused. We left my dad at 7pm on the Thursday evening, he was ok although his breathing wasn’t great & we were called by the nurse that was caring for him overnight at 5am the following morning to say his breathing had changed & if we wanted to be with him to come, unfortunately he passed before we got there & the only regret I have is that I wasn’t there holding his hand when he left this world. I went to bed the night before my dad passed & prayed for his swift passing & my prayers were answered & I’m sure you’ve been doing the same.
I wish I had some advice that would make this transition easier for your dear mum & you & your family but the truth is I don’t. My nan passed away at my mum & dads house, she hated hospitals, she was in bed with kidney failure for a week before she passed & a bit like your mum she was in & out of consciousness & rambled about things we didn’t really understand but what was clear was during the day or two before she passed she spoke of her brother John (my nan was one of 13 children & John had passed many years before her) it was as if he was sat in the room with us & I believe he was, I like to think he’d come to show her the path on her next journey. She also spoke of a couple of other relatives that lived in Ireland, where she was from, that were supposedly coming over to visit, & in the months following her passing sure enough these two people did come to visit us.
I do hope your mum finds her peace soon, stay by her side as this will be of huge comfort to you in the weeks/months to come. My thoughts are with you all right now, take good care of each other.
Nicola
